So… last update was Sunday. I’ve been home and doing great. Compared to when I go out, my mood goes to s***, but I’m trying to fix that.
The past week I’ve decided to finally tackle my social anxiety. Ever since my agoraphobia settled down, I didn’t look any harder into mental health treatments, but now I decided to be more mindful about this. The book “How to Be Yourself” has been helping a lot, but I’m not practicing all the methods yet. Even though, I feel like it’s making a difference.
Another new thing going on for me is that I’ve turned on my tablet for the first time in 10 months. So, it’s been almost a year since I threw the charger away because I was really mad at the number of devices and time sinks I had around me. Coincidentally, it had books on social anxiety and radical psychology I was intending to read – it comes full circle. It also had P sites open on tabs. The kinky stuff I was looking for back then really made me laugh. Then I installed AppLock as quick as I could.
I can’t stress this enough, but the reason I’m finally doing the things I wanted to do as a 2020 resolution is because of habits, blockers and abstinence. Indeed, my routine is going steady. I wake up 5am 4 out of 7 days of the week and complete my schedule before noon. Maybe it helps me build more resolve. My family members (1 aunt) is probably finding this interesting as f***. The depressed introverted boy is now very determined to achieve… someting… I don’t tell most people about what I want to achieve.
This year-end I’m imagining how lucky I am to stay productive while my friends and family are travelling or planning reunions. Really, I’ve done and learned so much and I’m glad I’m home doing all this.
This year is also the one I break the tradition of playing videogames (MMOs) during the holidays. I even tried to play my favorite MMO of all time, but something inside me just couldn’t take the stress of wanting to follow my schedule and get this character to a sweet level with godly equips to own mobs. While I was downloading it I thought: “Well, I guess I’ll f*** up my schedule for a while”. It was a given and I had accepted it. But when I started grinding for an hour or so, seeing so many people levelling like crazy to git gud, it made me feel like we were all running from something, playing roles, and not enjoying what we were supposed to. It kept us from more important things, like socializing and integrating into a community. All this in order to feel good with a sick char with a cool outfit. Without the community aspect of the game I just felt like unninstalling and getting down to earth. Future me is thankful for this.
This was long, but necessary since a lot is happening in this year-end, so thanks for this community and I wish you the best of luck. Here’s a quote from Seneca: “Here is another saying of Epicurus: ‘If you shape your life according to nature, you will never be poor; if according to people’s opinions, you will never be rich.’”