MY LITTLE DARK AGE
It started when I was a kid. I was just downloading games (I was addicted to video games too) but accidently by clicking on some ads that stuff got downloaded onto my phone. I opened it, saw the most disgusting things that human beings could create. I didn’t even know at that time what they were doing. I remember feeling guilt after seeing those stuffs. I was around 9-10 years old by that time. I promised myself to stay away from those stuffs.
Things were going well, I was a very brilliant student by that time. I always used to be the top student of my class. As I was growing up and entering adolescence, things started to change slowly in very small steps. I remember whenI mas*bated for the first time and felt extreme pleasure at that time. I also slowly started watching those stuffs and started enjoying them too. I never knew that my this behaviour would lead me to the darkest nights of my life where I would pray to God to not to wake me up the next morning.
So, I was in class 9th. I was still the topper of my class but in other areas of my life, I was the most miserable being you could imagine. I was a pervert! I used to mas*bate daily. I had chances with many girls but I fked my life by my own hands. I was bullied a lot by my classmates because I was very weak physically. And yeah! mentally as well.
Things started worsening slowly and I was no longer the topper of my class. I wasn’t even average. I was at the bottom of the barrel of life and could see nothing but darkness in my life. I was fkd up in all areas of life, be it socially, in studies or in any other aspects. I was addicted to video games as well. My day started with watching those stuffs, playing games and the day ended with again watching those stuffs. I was skinny as hell, both mentally and physically weak and didn’t know what to do. I was a dumb motherfer who just tried to avoid the pains of guilt that comes when you are living a shitty life and don’t know where you will end.
I was at the darkest moments of my life. " Pain so deep that it hurts physically. Times so dark that it hurts to open eyes" - these lines couldn’t even express the pains that I was into. I had no self respect, no hopes that I could live a normal life.
Things started changing when I myself started observing that on the days I haven’t performed my addictive behaviour, I feel a bit energetic. I searched about it on youtube and found out about the community of the so-called ‘NoFap’. I watched the videos and started relating what those guys were saying with my life. It was all relatable, the same addictive behaviour, the same mental states and the same feelings. Then I made a decision, a decision that would become the most important decision of my life! I decided to give nofap a try. I literally felt the energy inside of me. The rush of energy that a man feels! I could see my confidence levels boosting up. I could see the brain fog that has been occupying my brain since years, fade away! I found my purpose in life. It was extremely difficult for me to control the urges during my intitial days but I never gave up. I failed endless times! I don’t even remember the count. All I remember is that I got up every time I fell down. Now, my dark journey of relapses which continued for nearly 1 year and the methods that I used to overcome the urges and finally overcome the addiction, I will share anytime later with you. I want to finish this with - I have been clean for 1 year 2 months 3 days by the time I am writing this. I cracked one of the toughest exams of my country with 6k Rank and currently I am in MedSchool doing my MBBS. All I want to say is that, if I can overcome it, anyone can!
Feel free to contact me on telegram where I would be sharing all the resources I used and I would love to help you overcome this addiction.
Tele : @mylittledarkage0