My journey to self mastery- DisciplinedSelf's Diary

Hey there,
I’m DS (Disciplined Self). I’m not disciplined yet, but I hope to be, and to start from now.
New account here but I’m not new to nofap.

I wanted to make this diary because I wanted a place where I could journal all of my days, so that for each day of 90 days (if when I get there, there would be something others could be inspired by).

I also want to keep track of my daily goals:

Daily goals

:white_check_mark: Over 8 hours of study/work
:white_check_mark: No peeking/edging/relapsing
:white_check_mark: One cold shower at least, besides my regular bathing
:white_check_mark: Working out
:white_check_mark: Meditation
:white_check_mark: Check-in here
:white_check_mark: No perusing unneccesary sites till my exams are over. This includes things like gaming of any sort, browsing through reddit for memes or jokes

Some useful resources:

Right then, let’s see how this goes. I don’t know how many people will read this, but I will post useful self-improvement ideas along with summaries of EasyPeasy along the way, and I hope it may help some people. Most of all, when I re-read this journey I want to be proud of the progress I’ve made :smiley:

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Brother will you share your code with me?
So, I can keep an eye on your streak :blush:

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@anon71280103 Your Sharing Code?

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Sorry, I do not use the app, only the forum online :blush: however, on my profile description, there is a link to a website which will show my current streak.

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Ohh ok. Wish you best of luck for your journey to quit PMO :+1:. If you face any problems just dm me so, I can try to help you…

Stay Blessed

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Thank you very much for you kind words and welcoming. Stay blessed as well :heart:

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Check-in

Daily goals :x:

I couldn’t study much today cause in morning we went to my cousin’s place to celebrate her exams ending. Also it’s Sunday. But I think I got in 4-5 hours of study. Rest of my daily goals are done besides cold shower.

Today I’d like to recommend this video:
day 1000 nofap update - YouTube

  • Though:
    If you were in a desert, dying of thirst, and you saw a bowl of toilet water, would you drink it?
    Of course you would.
    Today, on the way to get a glass of water from your kitchen, did you ever consider drinking from the toilet bowl? Did you white knuckle and say no no no drinking from the toilet bowl it’s bad

Of course not! You didn’t even consider it, because you had actual drinking water!

Porn is toliet water. Get rid of the brainwashing.
(Credits to Jefferson Bethke for the idea)

A Champion is not determined by how many times they win, but how many times they rise up after they fall

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Check-in

Day 0 for me again. Pathetic.

I seem like a nice and polite and perhaps even prude person outside, but the inside of me is filth. I need to work until I am proud of myself- of who I am. I want to be someone I can look up to, not this idiot I see myself as now.

I need to get rid of the brainwashing of PMO and escape this chaser effect.

Changes I have made:

  • Identified what triggered me last time and I have eliminated that trigger
  • Working on a new practice- doing digital work only after 12 pm- so far it’s not good but I hope to improve

Today’s goal would be to read some chapters of EasyPeasy. Or well, not read, rather re-read. But whatever it is, I will do it. Whatever it takes to be free of this filth.

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Day 1

  • EasyPeasy, Chapter 1

Well first off the book says that the willpower method is ineffective. While I do agree with most parts of the book, the willpower method isn’t as ineffective as the author makes it out to be. Some people with strong willpower have left this addiction- but I am not one of those people and I lack the willpower reserves.

No one needs porn. It’s a trap. Before I looked at porn, I never needed it to have a relaxing day or to work off stress. Just like people who have never done drugs never need drugs to be relaxed. So they never even have withdrawal symptoms. No one needs porn to enjoy life or cope with stress before they get hooked.

No one forces me to ‘fire up the browser’. It’s all by my own volition- and fear. Fear that I cannot cope with porn, that I will have a bad day or be bored or stressed. That’s an outright lie. Porn never solves those issues, it only adds to them. fear that ’once an addict, always an addict

Porn also causes brainwashing- like thinking life is all about sex and that if you are a virgin you are a loser. Or obsessive simping for women.

Now, and not tomorrow or later, is the best time to quit. Because no one needs porn. It’s a trap, and the obvious design of traps is to keep you in them for as long as possible. Break free now! Every addict wants to quit and every addict can find it easy and enjoyable to quit. It’s only fear that prevents users from attempting to quit.

THERE IS NOTHING TO LOSE BY NOT WATCHING PORN.

Never feel deprived because you cannot watch porn. And never use porn-substitutes, like YouTube or sexual gifs or images, because that will not allow escape from the PMO trap.

You are not quitting porn, you are achieving freedom.

That’s it for Ch.1, I’ll read the rest later. Peace.

What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

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  • EasyPeasy, Chapter 2

It’s the same day, just though I’d take advantage of the enthusiasm while I have it.

You are only a porn user when you use porn. If you haven’t watched porn for a few weeks or even a few days, you are a non-user. Now just to make the mind catch up with the body- and not the other way around.

The EasyPeasy approach is not “If only I can go long enough without porn, eventually the desire will go and I can enjoy life again, free of slavery.” Every time you finish your session, you’ve stopped using.

The real problem is day two, ten, or ten-thousand where in a weak moment you’ll have ‘just one peek’, want another, and suddenly you’re an addict again.

Questions to ask:

  • What is porn doing for me?
  • Am I really enjoying it?
  • Do I really have to go through life destroying my mind, body and inner peace?
  • Do I want to train myself to be without self control? Really? Is that my goal?

Porn does not help in anyway. It is not that the disadvantages of porn are more than the advantages of nofap. THERE IS NO ADVANTAGE TO PORN IN THE FIRST PLACE.

There is nothing to give up- that is an illusion. There is only plenty to gain- happiness, mental peace, self-control, self-esteem, respect and the list goes on. Once illusions that life will never be quite as enjoyable without porn is removed – realizing that not only is life just as enjoyable without it but infinitely more so – and once feelings of being deprived or missing out are eradicated leaving porn is easy. Easy peasy.

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Cool buddy I am also reading EP book so far good and its slightly boring …
Many people in the past have said that it works fine for them… So I will try it out and I have already read 39 pages out of 105
Let’s make a change…

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  • EasyPeasy, Chapter 3

Never believe people when they tell you they enjoy porn. They don’t. They’re simply trying to convince themselves that they do. Porn is simply sex without the best parts- love and connection. What does one ever get from going through life with a sad conscience, desensitized neurons and apathy and lethargy? Nothing, I think. You only lose with porn, you never gain anything.

PMO withdrawal symptoms are actually very mild- people tend to overemphasize and give them more power than needed. Things like flat line and chaser- I personally think flatline can be avoided. Chaser just refers to how hard it is to break a habit, which I think people know by experience even before nofap.

When you enjoy something in life, you enjoy it while you’re doing it, but you don’t sit around feeling deprived when you’re not.
Take skating or reading or even playing a sport- even though I enjoy playing basketball, I never feel so deprived that I can’t do anything else if I don’t get to play basketball.

Porn never releases you from the stresses of life, nor will it cure boredom. It just adds to both. Boredom is a state of mind and porn will get you into that state as often as possible so you go dopamine chasing as often as possible.

Don’t think about how bad it is to be a PMOer. Think about how nice it is to be a non-PMOer.

When one stops, they usually suffer dopamine withdrawal pangs ( I know I do) and then they want to use again. And then we think we picked the wrong time to stop, perhaps we can stop later. In my opinion, the best time to stop was when you first watched. The second best time is now.
The most stressful parts of life tend to be childhood and adolescence, according to the author.
Never confuse responsibility with stress.

Porn has two reasons why it is apparently hard to quit:

  • It’s supernatural stimulating nature
  • Brainwashing
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That’s awesome! I hope it helps you as well : D
Yes let’s make a change.

Thank you to those posting/liking posts in my diary. It’s motivating :heart:

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Day 1 complete

Daily goals

:x: Over 8 hours of study/work (had to go out, so only around 6 hours done)
:white_check_mark: No peeking/edging/relapsing
:white_check_mark: One cold shower at least, besides my regular bathing
:x: Working out (still sore after an intense work out two days back. My musces still are screaming so I’ll give them time to recover before working out again)
:white_check_mark: Meditation
:white_check_mark: Check-in here
:x: No perusing unneccesary sites till my exams are over. This includes things like gaming of any sort, browsing through reddit for memes or jokes ( I used reddit to look up some mbti and also played a game for 5 minutes. That was my bad. Reddit was due to mail updates on spaces I follow, so I’ve unsubscribed from that)

No matter how bad or slow things go, you’re still way ahead of everyone who isn’t even trying.

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  • EasyPeasy, Chapter 4

Internet porn works by hijacking the natural reward circuitry of the brain- because the brain is so easy to fool. This is called the Coolidge effect. Basically, when we masturbate/watch a naked woman our brain regards that as equivalent to sex. Humans are wired to be rewarded for procreation, so that sets up the dopamine firing up in the brain. It’s the same thing with junk food- burgers and pizzas and oily foods give more oil/salt/spice than we are supposed to expect in a normal food. This supernormal stimulus puts the brain in overdrive.

Novelty is also a source of dopamine- a huge one. That’s why the most dopamine is released just before you bit into a burger or just when you see a new bit of porn. The brain is wired to stay happy, so it secretes a chemical called DeltaFosB.

Some useful articles I found on DeltaFosB:

Desensitization occurs because our limbic system (the part of the brain associated with pleasure, among with other functions) tends to regulate our dopamine so that we don’t get too much of it at a time. So when we receive a small amount of dopamine, these receptors are triggered- that small amount could be from a joke, watching a bird sing or listening to music. However, when one watches porn, the amount of dopamine that floods the receptors is much larger. This means that the smaller sources on enjoyment, which first triggered the receptors, no longer trigger it, because they are used to a much larger amount of dopamine. Basically, porn blocks you from enjoying anything in life except porn or habits equally bad.

That is also why people keep searching for newer and more shocking porn- the brain is desensitized to older clips and seeks worse and novel things.


Image credits: EasyPeasy PMO hackbook

The withdrawal from porn doesn’t cause any physical pain and is merely an empty, restless feeling of something missing, which is why many believe it’s something to do with sexual desire. Prolonged, this feeling becomes nervousness, insecurity, agitation, low confidence and irritability. It’s like hunger, for a poison.

All users begin seeking porn for irrational reasons. The only reason anybody continues using porn, is to feed that little monster that craves dopamine. A user tries to get back to the sense of peace, tranquility and confidence their body had before becoming hooked in the first place.

The porn trap is similar to wearing tight shoes just to obtain the pleasure of taking them off.

It’s when one is not consuming porn that you suffer the empty feeling. Because the process of getting
hooked is incredibly subtle and gradual in the early days, the empty feeling is regarded as normal and so isn’t blamed on the previous session.

This ’back to front’ reverse process makes all drugs difficult to kick. Imagine the state of panic of a heroin addict without any heroin; now picture the utter joy of when they can finally plunge a needle into their vein. Non-heroin addicts don’t suffer that panicked feeling. The heroin doesn’t relieve the feeling, it causes it. The same applies to porn.

Porn is not the same thing as eating. Eating solves hunger. Porn creates more hunger instead. Non-users don’t have dissatisfaction with their lives without porn- only PMOers do.

The human body is the most sophisticated object on the planet, but no species, even the
lowest prokaryote, survives without knowing the difference between food and poison.

The ‘enjoyment’ from porn is not real enjoyment, it’s just the safisfaction from removing the pangs which porn gave in the first place.

Fortunately, Although internet porn is the most powerful trigger for novelty and sex based dopamine flooding, because of the speed at which one becomes hooked, one is never badly hooked. Freedom is very achievable.

Users can even automatically refrain from using internet porn in their parents’ home during family gatherings and other events with little discomfort. In fact, most users have extended periods during which they abstain without effort. Why?

Because porn is easy to stop viewing! It’s just the brainwashing that needs to go. The false sense that one needs to get back to porn to get enjoyment. That’s a damn lie.

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Day 2 complete

Daily goals

:x: Over 8 hours of study/work (today was very unproductive :weary: )
:white_check_mark: No peeking/edging/relapsing (but I came close because I was being unproductive)
:white_check_mark: One cold shower at least, besides my regular bathing
:x: Working out (still sore after an intense work out two days back. My musces still are screaming so I’ll give them time to recover before working out again)
:white_check_mark: Meditation
:white_check_mark: Check-in here
:x: No perusing unneccesary sites till my exams are over. This includes things like gaming of any sort, browsing through reddit for memes or jokes (checked out some memes again :/)

I need to work harder and not make excuses. Improvement is a must.

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

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  • EasyPeasy, chapter 5

At it’s core, the message of most modern day shows is “The most precious thing on this earth, my last thought and action, will be orgasm.” Is this exaggeration? In any TV or movie plot and one can see the mix up of the sensory and the orgasmic parts of sex, most of which is absorbed subconsciously.

Having a porn addiction does not mean you are a weak-willed idiot. The fact that you are fighting it shows how strong you are. Never limit yourself and say “I’m boring” or “I don’t know how to talk to women”. If you think you can’t, you for sure can’t. Change the mind first.

Self-discipline is not self-loathing.


Image credits: EP, PMO hackbook

Soft porn is still porn. Why waste willpower and discipline trying not to relapse after watching soft porn?
(that hit me hard).
Willpower is limited. Save it for things that matter. Also I’d recommend sleeping more, since less than 7 hours of sleep means your body functions like a drunk mans. And that is really not a lot of willpower. Willpower is necessary to be productive and to say no to distractions. A beautiful thing about nofap is that the techniques used to overcome porn urges can also be used to overcome procrastination/self harm and other addiction urges. Because in the end, objectively thinking and meditating on your urges is one of the best solutions to them.

Fear of being insecure makes people afraid to quit. And this subconscious fear drives them mad- and often they lash out to close ones and are angry, even though they don’t know why.

Stop saying you’re giving up PMO. You are not giving it up. You are ESCAPING FROM it.

PMOers don’t gain anything, but they do lose-

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Character
  4. Peace of mind
  5. Courage
  6. Self respect
  7. Happiness
  8. Freedom
  9. Self-control

The list goes on, the point being PMO doesn’t give anything. It’s a loss.

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I had an insane urge recently, I am writing down how I faced it so that I might help those reading.

  1. Most important- do NOT act out as soon as you get urges. Wait for 5-10 minutes. This one thing (waiting) might just end up saving your entire streak. Do NOT act immediately- I cannot stress how important that is.
  2. Get up (still your mind doesn’t have to change though, you can still be wanting to use PMO just get up) and go to a different place- preferably a mirror or a place where there are other people.
  3. Close your mind and don’t think about whether to use porn or not. Just close your mind and think about nothing other than breathing for a few minutes. Put that decision to make on PMO or not on hold. This isn’t really meditation in that you can just do this for 1-2 minutes, you don’t have to do this for much longer.
  4. After than, when your mind is cleared, think objectively-
  • Do I have to PMO?
  • Why do I want to PMO?
  • Am I getting any gains from this PMO?
  • Will I regret later?

One thing that helped me also was remembering my girl so if you have one that helps too. We’re not dating at the moment since I told her I have some goals I want to pursue first (she does too and she respects that) but she still is my best friend I tell everything too, and I don’t want to make her sad.

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I have a marvellous idea,
Use digital detox app (Hope you have heard about it) There you can enable prevent escape from detox and disable using emergency.
It is simply cool and effective and simply better than the most blockers in use, you can’t restart your mobile, you can’t close your detox when it is active, so I recommend using this D.D. during an urge so that it doesn’t enable you to feed your urge by watching/edging P***.

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Thank you very much for the advice! Currently I don’t use my phone though. At most, I use it for ~2 minutes per day to set alarms to wake me up from sleep. I’ve uninstalled everything else, including Google and YouTube from my phone too, due to exams. So the phone is okay, only the laptop is a bigger problem. But thank you for your help all the same!

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