My Journey to Porn-Free (+ Advices)

Like many of you I am on a long journey to a porn free life. That i have a problem with PMO, I realized first in 2010 (!) at the age of 19, when i couldn’t get an erection with my first girlfriend. After just 3 weeks of abstaining PMO, we had a perfect sex life for almost 5 years. But during the relationship I never quitted porn completely. The relationship endet in 2015. After that i fell in a deep hole of porn and masturbation. Since 2016 I have been trying now to ban porn from my life. The improvements are quite slow. With some of my one night stands i really had trouble with getting an erection. sometimes it didn’t work at all. Last year my streaks went higher and higher. 64 days till 8 December 2018. Then 84 days till March this year. Now I failed a few times in a row. it is frustrating. But this time - through journalling AND with your support - i will make it.
Never give up!

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Day 1 today. No urges. Still guilty consciense from my big relapse on Sunday. The trigger was a bad hangover from partying on Saturday. But today I had a good day at work and went to the gym afterwards. In the evening I had a great, funny conversation with my flatmates. Journey goes on.

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Hey welcome to the community man!

That’s a good plan you got in deciding to journal and get support from others. Those two things have been a major player in helping me to become free from this.

If you have any questions or need any help, just let me know!

Stay strong :muscle:

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Thank you Special_Bird! That means a lot to me. I have also read parts of your story. Very impressing!

Today was day 2 for me. It went quite well. My mood was not the best, but work keeps me very busy these days. Thought about masturbation in the evening (which I will allow myself in the long term) but decided against. I am kind of proud for that decision. Furthermore I am still thinking of banning alcohol from my life. It made me relapse so many times. But this would be a HUUUGEEE job as a part-time DJ - and especially during pre-Christmas and Christmas time… What do you guys think about that?

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Thanks dude!

Good job for deciding against masturbation for the night! However you choose to approach it later on, getting rid of both porn and masturbation for your basic reboot is a good idea since the two of those tend to be tied together.

I have a friend who does DJing part-time and he makes some good money off it, but I have also heard it’s kind of hit or miss in the long run. I’d give it a try as it couldn’t hurt especially as you said this season could mean some decent cash.

But yeah you might want to consider how working as a DJ may affect your drinking if your planning on kicking it. Maybe have some kombucha tap on hand that way others won’t sway you into drinking. I know it’s kinda hipster but it’s actually pretty good if you’ve tried it. And some of them have a very similar taste to beer even if they have no alcohol in them. Or maybe try near beer.

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Thank you for the encouragement! :slight_smile:

This was day 3 - not a problem at all. Worked from 9 to 4 and went to my company’s pre-Christmas party afterwards. Not one single thought on PMO. I had one small beer at the party and this should be okay. The most important thing is to stay in controll over your thoughts and decisions. I anticipate the hardest days to come this weekend after working all Friday and DJing all Friday night till Saturday morning. Tiredness, exhaustion and loneliness after my gigs often are triggers to relapses. But not this weekend. I will try to keep myself busy during Saturday and Sunday and I will stay strong. Please do so too, guys! I will keep you posted.

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So, this was day 4. I hope it is not too boring, but I want to give you a short update. The day went well. Just a short phase of urge after I came home from work. Prepared my DJ set for tomorrow. Everything is fine so far. Talk to you tomorrow. Stay strong! :slight_smile:

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A short update. Yesterday was day 5, then there was my DJing night I was talking about earlier, and today I am WORKING on day 6. It is litteraly work today, cause the urges are strong. Had a pretty crazy DJ and party night yesterday and am a bit hungover today. Hangover, my old trigger friend. But today I will stay strong. Keep fighting guys!

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Hello there. No problems today. After the fight yesterday it was quite easy today. No urges. Met an old friend for lunch, watched F1 and did some work for my job. The upcoming week is going to be busy - so I am quite confident not to have time to think about PMO.

@Special_Bird, thanks for the likes! Even though it is just likes, it gives one so much power that somebody follows your story and you are not alone.

Cheers, people! Stay strong!

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Of course man, glad to give support and follow your journey. I think writing here is really going to help you in the long run to fight this.

You are doing great, keep fighting!

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Hi guys!
Day 8 went well. Much work, dinner with colleagues, went to a Christmas market afterwards. No urges, no problems, no PMO, still on the right way! Stay strong! Cheers :slight_smile:

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Had a wet dream tonight - but I think that is okay. I am even of the opinion that this is a good sign of the body. It is healing. But I also think the days afterwards are very dangerous for slips and relapses. You might think: “when I get off while sleeping just after one week abstaining, watching porn can not be that harmful. So let’s do it again”. But this is a lie. The brain needs much longer to heal from the porn abuse over years. Do not give up, stay strong! Since I was at work till late evening, there was no thought about PMO today. Day 9 almost successfully finished. Keep fighting, guys!

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On day 10 today. Looks good that I will make it, although there is urge. It is less about porn but more about fapping. But I will get through without it.

I was thinking: What benefit could you have from reading my story? So I decided to post my ideas of strategies to stay away from PMO. And I will start with this one: Listen to podcasts. I found one on Spotify, which I really love to listen to: Porn Free Radio from Matt Dobschuetz (English). Listen to it regurlarly really keeps you away from PMO. he has so many good advices, which can help all different kinds of people who struggle with PMO. Although it is already a few years old, it still fits perfectly to our stories. There are so many episodes and none of them is boring. If you want, give it a try. Stay strong. Talk to you tomorrow. :slight_smile:

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Yes I love that podcast! Wish there was more like it specifically related to porn.

If you want another good one, more motivational/military stuff though, you should listen to the Jocko Podcast by Jocko Willink. He has a lot of good advice and is an ex-Navy Seal.

I’m very glad to hear that you have made it to day 10 man! This is good stuff. Watch out for those urges though, make sure to attack them head on and deal with them here. That’s the biggest way that journaling has helped me. I write it all here and work through it as I get it, then I post it so that I can get feedback from everyone. I actually just wrote how I do this to another brother of ours so I’m gonna quote it below for you. Try it out, I think it will really help you. And don’t be embarrassed about trying it, I know it seems dumb at first, but it will really benefit you if you put your all into it.

Keep fighting man! You are making a lot of good progress :+1:

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@Special_Bird Oh boy, that’s deep!
Thank you so much for that tip! I read so much about addiction, neuroscience, meditation, distraction strategies and so on - but this is new to me, and it sounds awesome. Next time when the urges kick in, I will write my thoughts down! Thanks a lot!

By the way, I am about to finish day 11. Not a big problem today, but I indeed feel a little bit of urges, and I know where they come from: it is from stress at work. I will definitely watch that. Thank god I am very mindful these days so that I instantly recognize what is going on. Let’s say 2 years ago, I would have started to search for porn already. So: watch out for the triggers.

Furthermore, I had a dream about watching porn last night. I was so happy, that it was just a dream, when I woke up. This shows, there is still a long way to go and to heal.

Since I wanted to post more advices here, this is another one:
Step1: Define something you really dislike: an institution, a political party, a company - something or somebody you hate.
Step 2: And then write down a contract with yourself - or better: with an accountability partner (friend, family, etc.), which says that you will donate e.g. 300 dollars to that institution, when you PMO next time.
Step 3: This has to be signed - and the donation has to be done, if you fail! Seems hard, but you have to do it then! I think this is a lovely way to keep you away from doing it.

Stay strong!

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Of course man! Glad to help. Let me know how it works for you when you start trying it.

It is good that you are identifying your triggers as well. You’re totally right, mindfulness in that regard is key, otherwise we just end up going to what we are used to to destress.

Ah I have those dreams often! Not as much or as bad as they used to be when I was lower on my numbers, but they definitely still do happen. It’s always such an amazing relief realizing you didn’t actually relapse haha!

Anyway, keep up the great work man :+1: