I want to start this diary so that I can better understand when I’m being triggerred and what options I have to deal with it. I want to write about what I’ll be experiencing regarding my journey and everything related to my addiction.
Ok so today has been ok. I even enjoyed today. Saw a movie , had fun. Saw some seasons as well. My addiction did not have a major impact today on my day. I did have a bad urge to M when I couldn’t stop thinking about getting a blow job. I didn’t do it , thank God. Other than that everythibg is fine. I am feeling a little bit lonely today. That’s ok , I’ll have fun today.
I don’t know why but I laughed a lot on this .
All the best for your journey brother.
Well the addiction today was good in the sense that Urges were 0 . I did have a lot of fantasies though , mostly involving how I’d have sex with my wife when I get married and some graphic thoughts about orgasms but well I slapped myself to snap out of them . I’m feeling good right now. Not much happened after those fantasies so I guess this is for today.
Idk why but i also do this sometimes and end up relapsing.
Damn , I will try it .
Ok so, Day 3:
Not much has happened today addiction wise. I had no fantasies because I was too busy watching tv shows and studying to do any actual thinking. I think I’m feeling happier today than I was yesterday. Must be a placebo effect. I have been having these uncontrollable sugar cravings which I guess are my body’s way of screaming at me to get some dopamine in the system. I did give in to some cravings , not all of them though so that’s good. There is that , and I guess that is all for today. Oh yeah I forgot one thing , I did have an urge to relapse at around 7:15 pm but I’m glad I did not. Ok , I gotta go , more on the journey later!
Ok I’m a little late but
Yesterday was ok addiction wise. I had two fantasies , both of them on my married life’s sex life and I had to snap out from both of them by slapping myself , hard . That is all that happened yesterday really. Nothing more to report from my addiction. The only thing that I did ponder about was if we should bring another child into this cruel world or not but that’s still an on going debate in my mind. Ok , that’s it for now. More on my addiction tonight.
Alright. There it is ,
Day 5 :
OMG i have had theeeeee craziest urges to masturbate , not PMO , just M. It has been crazy! Like just before I came here , I mean seconds before , I was having the craziest urge again. I was evening thinking about relapsing but I didn’t thank God. I guess I just had it in my mind that if I didn’t PMO and just M then well I feel less worse and could give my body a dopamine rush. Which I know is so wrong. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thank God this app exists or I wouldn’t have told anyone and I might have even relapsed right about now. I guess I’m lucky . That’s all for day 5 , till next time
Oh wait I forgot to add that games such as those made in the time of the wild west , sometimes the women in those games , they trigger me alot.
Ok so today was a bad day . I had a relapse.
I umm accidently looked up some bikini pictures of a few actresses and models. It was enough to make me want to PMO. I did do that. I can’t tell you hiw much I’ve regretted it. But it’s time to get back on the horse. I’ve deleted insta for 6 months , so that I can have less chances to see bikini pics. Pray for me.