I begin a new journey. This is real. I’m not pretending to feel anything, and I’m not making anything up. I relapsed with PMO yesterday (03-24-25), and this is how I truly feel.
Just about me — I was born in Chile. I’ve never done anything bad. I’m a good guy. I started with PMO when I was 12, and I couldn’t stop until now — March 20, 2025.
I don’t have depression because of some event in my childhood or any other external reason. I have depression because of PMO. I fell into this addiction simply because I was extremely curious — not because of trauma or something else. The real problem is that I just couldn’t stop pmo.
But now, I’m facing the truth. I’m done running. This is my fight — and I’m not giving up
week 1: feeling really tired, feeling depression, anxiety, everything is horrible,
you want to die, I feel my eyes are closed, I cant focus, I cant remember nothing. I deleted all my social media (and horny apps), I only have whatsapp. (03-21-25) …Blaming God for my pmo problem. no relapses, i go to the gym.
week 2: feeling the same like week 1, you just see a little tiny light. Continue to blame God. no relapses.
week 3: I feel just a little better and I can have conversations without getting angry, but I continue to feel depression and anxiety, I am really tired and weary, I dont want to go to the gym but I go anyway.
I cannot focus on, and i get tired and bored really fast on whatever thing iam doing. No relapses.
week 4: i feel the flatline, i have more focus but i feel this flatline, this is horrible, i want pmo, but i try to say to my mind NO! , I am tired.
I’m experiencing short-term memory problems because of the flatline.
a little more focus, eye to eye conversation, I have just a little more courage.
My mind is trying to return to pmo.
I dont have motivation to reach a goal or to make money, I still want to die because I feel like a sinner. (My motivation is 0). I am not being negative, I just say the truth. No relapses. going to the gym (I look better in shape), Sometimes I get strong cramps in my back.
WEEK 5: I almost relapse, but I said NO. There’s less flatline now — though sometimes it still hits me hard. I have more energy and feel less weary. My finances are not okay, but my conversations with others are getting better. My diet isn’t good. I just eat whatever to stop the hunger. I go to bed late and wake up tired. I do go to the gym — I actually feel more motivated to work out — but I wake up feeling exhausted, and my body takes a long time to recover. My mind have no discipline. I have conversations more fluent without getting angry but sometimes i got angry. I feel happier but tired, I dont blame God, I feel more joy sometimes. Less sad, just happier, i cant yet control my mind, i look at girls in the gym, i cant focus on the gym, it is hard!, Sometimes I get strong cramps in my back.(04-24-25).
week 6: I almost relapse but I didn’t orgasm, I didnt watch ■■■■, I just watched a erotic movie, it set me back about 7 days in my streak. I continue on, the flatline is hitting me hard, this is horrible, because you feel you brain making changes and those really hurt, I have depression and I dont feel good almost all the time. I know this will pass if I keep on.
week 7: Flatline, feeling depressed. I almost relapse, just a glimpse of erotic photos and scenes and I masturbated …but no orgasm. a lot of temptation. a lot of laziness, sometimes I feel motivation but almost all the time I feel tired and depressed.
week 8:Less flatline (these weeks 5-8 are the most hard). Feeling just a little better. I still have a lot of laziness but I better focus on myself.
, best wishes!