So I never have to worry about a Single Thing in my Life. Ever Again.
I’m Old and a Dude. But that’s beside the point. Just documenting this incase others find it useful.
Before i go to sleep tonight.
I’m just here for Me… I’ve actually gone 60 Days streak but broke it cause…
Honestly i cant really say, My triggers to doing it are probably sadness and anger. 2nd Time was 30 days, Last Year.
And now i’m back here after ending my 1 day streak. Back to the start again.
I know i want whats better for Me.
Something in myself stops me from doing so.
I absolutely Hate it.
I continuously Fight Myself Everyday.
I don’t like People, but i know i have to go Outside.
Grass is a good thing.
I work alot of Oddjobs with low energy… I don’t even know how I’m still Alive. But Grateful
Currently am attempting to seek a Better Job.
But there’s so much stuff i wanna do…
So many Chores, and Loose Ends to do
This is Entry #1
(Edit: I have to undo some Bookmarks on my 
Folder. I atleast want to make it Very Difficult for me to Relapse again)
7 Likes
Posting here again. I did Relapse. I acknowledge it.
I deleted some Bookmarks but i need to delete more. I also need to clean my Drives.
So much in the Drives. It is not Healthy…
My Distractions from are Limited.
But i will do what i must do.
I cant keep doing this Forever.
I want to finish my Chores, and Things i must do today.
And ditch these Obbjobs and find a Better Job.
I need to remind myself to avoid
I need to do things that distract myself.
Starting Again, My toughest part is going to sleep.
I need to find something that works that isnt Jacking off(Just to get to sleep). I need to Acknowledge it
I’ve tried Meditation but i am Restless.
So Tonight i will give listening to Nature before i sleep. Maybe some calming songs
This will be my new Sleep Aid i will Use Tonight. Relaxing Songs and Nature
It’s just about the Morning. Dont usually get up this early. I wonder if this is a sign of Something Good
This is Entry #2
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Not the best start to the day.
But you need a wake up call in the Form of Many Things.
I have come to the realization that i need Better Hobbies. Hobbies that i will actually Like or Help me via Productivity.
I have to Step Back from most of my Hobbies. Find things that actually help me.
I still have it under control. Mostly, Fresh Start today.
Not gonna count. Gonna take more cold showers and… Find other things to do
On the Bright Side i now have Time to work on Clearing my Drives of
Also i have been Using one of those Language Learning App things. It’s a great distraction. Plus it’s Productive.
It’s never easy to look at the Plus side of things. But i aint pushing Daisies.
Well not yet at least.
This is Entry #3
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Not the start to the Week i was looking for but i keep going.
It’s been rough but I’m alive and there’s that.
I got rid of some of the on my Drives. Now i need to do more cleaning.
Next is to clean my room some more.
This Language learning app is Great.
Need to lessen
- Video Games
- Screen Time
- Eating Deep Fried Food / Fast Food
(Or at least keep it to a Minimum)
-Less Sugar
Need to Increase
- More ways to earn Money, Get out the Situation I’m in
+Going Outside, Even if i hate it
+Eating more Oatmeal, Vegetables, and Fish
+Drinking Water but not Overhydrating
+Language Learning App
The Sleep aid kinda worked? Idk i don’t think it worked much. I will read more of the Book i have.
The Magic Of Thinking Big. I need to read it more.
Starting again Fresh, I keep going.
It’s funny cause my Triggers are sadness, Anger. And when Things will not go my way.
I’m half expecting it at this point. Being Positive is hard. But i must Look Up anyways.
I can look at just fine, But if i add Sound it goes Downhill from there.
(Slowly trying to get myself Off Of it. By looking at it Slowly, Less and less.
To the point i can avoid it Entirely. I dont know if this is Smart. But it is something to think about.)
I. Really need to find more Distractions from here. And more Cold Showers
This is Entry #4
3 Likes
Currently. I am going in a Downward Spiral.
I call it a Relapse Spiral.
Been happening most of my Life.
It’s Nothing New.
I been Fighting Myself for Years and Years.
It’s hard to be Positive. But not Impossible.
I will have to Skip a Day or 2.
No Posting, No Screens, Nothing.
Just Outside. (If Possible, I will be Reading, Cleaning this mess of a room)
I will be back Again in a Day or So.
I took the Trash out. I need to work on my Room again after this.
(I would like to Journal Everyday but thats not Realistic.)
And my clothes. I need to clean.
I’m going to be spacing out these Entries from now on.
I’m gonna go Fight Myself.
I want to Win.
I hope to Win.
I will do things for myself.
Cause i want to Win.
I need to Win.
I am so Sick and Tired. Of being Sick and Tired.
Will i Win?
Atleast this Time?
I will take Wins sometimes.
It’s a start. All i want is to Win.
Sometimes.
This is Entry #5
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Back after a Couple Days Away. Cant really leap if you dont acknowledge where you Fall.
Gonna try to do this every Night if possible.
It’s never easy. Nothing ever is. But i will not give up trying to Quit this Stupid Expensive Habit.
I have done some Chores and Finally managed to clean parts of my Room.
I have successfully deleted all of my Bookmarks of . Small Wins, I take it.
I have found other things to look at which is not . Like Nature, The Sky, Stuff like that.
Now i just need to figure out how to work these Hard Drives
Next big step.
It’s hard getting out of a Pleasure Loop.
Not Impossible. But not Easy.
The only Easy Day. Was Yesterday.
Cold Showers, and not looking at Helps.
It Itches at the back of my mind.
I have to Fully Quit or Not.
There is no in-between. Looking at just Tempts You, to go back into Relapse. No Matter what you do.
Either you Do it or Not. Better to Avoid.
Better to do other things that give Dopamine than
More Cold Showers, I’m gonna save more pictures to look at that isnt to help with my Urges.
Things to help relax me I want to find That.
This is Entry #6
2 Likes
Today something cool Really happened.
I was just Walking and saw a Bird fall out the Sky.
Parakeet. 2 Cats pounced it, But i was fast and Picked it up with a Plastic Bag.
I thought its Wing was broken. Turns out it was Fine.
Some Bird Lover, or some kind of Bird Animal Shelter took it in.
I got a bit more money, Need to save more. But need to make a Withdrawal to buy something to help me Sleep.
I still have trouble Sleeping.
I will save more this time. I know i need it.
Still having trouble with my Thoughts, my Hard Drives. I will work on Deleting this. But at least no more Bookmarks so that’s good.
I still need to Clean my room. Much to Do.
This is Entry#7
4 Likes