My experience- 20 years of addiction

6 days already and not a single one has gone without a struggle.
temptation is so permanent. even if i let go of porn on the computer, everywhere i go, women are wearing something ridiculously tight or loose depending on the area and my mind starts to wonder… it is so difficult to keep my mind off of it completely.
i have started couple meditations and tried to mindfully breath and calm down and be aware of my thoughts and then try to move them to something useful.
i am 30 and had an issue with P&M since i was like 11… it is a struggle… i remember once i had stopped for more than 1 month… i was at my peak. man was it sooo rewarding… but then life happens and you believe something wrong and you become anxious and dont know what to do and lose grip and just go downwards.
there was a time it was so bad i went into a long depression and attempted suicide due to the unneeded shame and guilt that came with it… therapy and meds have helped me understand and approve that we are not monsters, we have feelings and were never equipped to deal with them.
I have had so many problems because of this… My life was ruined more than i can remember and i am still fighting. I have lost all my money, been in debt, lost my job, went into depression, wanted to die, have back issues and disabilities due to excess of P&M, so many things i can count…
no matter what you do, take a 1 second break, think about it positively and dont judge yourself. and start again. the path will unfold one day or another.
good luck to everyone. sending my love to anyone who needs it and support to everyone who wants it. stay strong. and no matter what happens, believe that you are stronger than that and that you can do it. one day relapse in a week is nothing, then 4 days relapse in a month is nothing… it starts somewhere. give yourself some credit. well done for wanting to be the best version of yourself in the first place !
I am writing this for someone to insipre and writing it to give credit to myself.
One day at a time.


I know your post will help a lot of people out. Remember man, suicide is never an option and congrats to you actually having the courage to continue. It’s very respectable. Have you tried seeking a psychologist, I understand that it might be scary but you needs omeone so that yiu can let it all out, and by law a psychologist cannot tell anyone. Remember will power will never beat pornography addiction therfore you must flee from the temptation. Keep going brother and i promise things will get better.


Thank you for sharing such a piece, it goes a long way to encourage and inspire the NoFap team, blessings.

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Oh, I don’t know what to say, 20 years of addiction, It’s so sad to think about how much you have struggled, 20 years of depression, loneliness, low self-esteem and low energy.
You are a hero because you still have a hope, good luck my buddy :heart:


@littleking3597 Thank you brother. I have been seeing a psychologist and it has been the first step to recovery for me. my past, my traumas etc were a big part of me dwelling into P&M as my only safety net.
Meds have helped from a psychiatrist for a long time as well - better be safe or sorry and alive than dead and not being able to feel sorry at all :), dark joke from my side but thats how I feel today as I am better off. Will power only gets you to the first stage of wanting to get out of it… the rest is up to you thinking positively, doing the work and battling through the obstacles and relapses and keep moving forward. Cheers bro.

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@Rayma09 hank you for the kind words. it means a lot. hopefully whoever identifies can see the light that never goes away but that we are sometimes unable to see.

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@Fafnir hank you brother. Nothing to feel sad about. I think of it as a buildup to where i am heading towards today… we are all different and have different lives… some of us need more and some of us need less to achieve what we want… it is only for the best, no suffering lasts and no suffering comes in vain. everything has a purpose. Cheers bro! stay strong

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i have almost 17 year experience of this shitty habit . i am trying to stop this shit

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