call me mrrobot. This is my NF diary. As I am writing this, I am currently on day 7. Since I am 16 years old I have a strong addiction to PM(O). In the past 12 years I really never considered myself to be “addicted” or to be a “junkie”. However, after I accepted my addiction a couple of weeks ago I see the world in a different light.
This diary will document my journey. My goal: never relapse ever again. I know from other diaries in this forum that this is almost impossible, but the journey matters, not the goal. I invite you to stay a while and listen to my words, they might be demotivating, motivating, inspiring or boring. My main motivation to get rid of this addiction are several things: I am suffering under PIED (while in a relationship), I want to improve my self-esteem and I want to get rid of the constant brain-fog which lets me forget important things other people tell me. (like appointments, conversations etc.)
The past seven days have been more quiet than I would have expected. Almost no urges (which makes me think that I am currently flat-lining after the last PIED accident). I am going to the gym again and my daily meditation helps me to focus and to go to bed early. (instead of gaming until late-night I listen to a meditation in bed).
I finally reached Day 10 for the first time ever. This gives me a huge push to keep going. I feel relaxed, partially small urges and I expect stronger urges anytime soon. It is absolutely normal for urges hitting hard so I try to being mentally prepared.
Tomorrow I’ll go to the gym and eat something nice. Still on hard mode after my last PIED situation, I hope that things turn around in my relationship.
Definitely you are going the right direction , I’m currently on day 5 and I want you to post about what you feel daily ( if you can ) and if you feel you are about to fall down write it here and we shall help you to stay strong maybe stronger
I am on the same journey.Bro. you will recover it might take as long as 90 days but it will be cured . i had faced it cured by Nofap for 90 days but after that again got addicted to porn but this will never go back to Pmo state. Currently in 18 days streak
I relapsed after 58 days. This came unexpected, wow. It hit my in my weakest moment. I didn’t meditate, didn’t do sports… I feel so bad for myself now. Let’s try again.
The gain you made from those 58 days will stay with you, you might go back to day 1 but that means nothing when you have gained something learn something from that fail, and come back with a stronger mindset 58 days man! You did that I am proud for you fellow warrior
Now on Day 5, my mind is still slightly foggy from the relapse. I have very strong urges to peek “just once for a bit” and we all know where this ended last time.
Do not peek guys, it’s gonna ruin your streak. Don’t feed your demon!
I peeked. I relapsed. Gonna block all sites now. I need to change something. My brain is constantly nagging me to think about PMO and nothing else. I don’t feel as terrible as during my last relapse 5 days ago.
Actually I feel determined - I had 58 days without porn behind me, now relapsed 2 times in a single week. This is unacceptable and I won’t listen to my spoiled brain any longer. This HAS to end! Thus, I am creating a plan:
go to the gym every 2nd day instead of 2x a week
in order to achieve the gym schedule, ALWAYS go to bed before 10pm and set daily alarm to 5:45am
block all potential sites, delete all accounts of various sites
write once a week a diary entry, OR as soon as possible urges arise
Hello darkness my old friend. This was really close but I could resist the urge. I peeked and thought “peeking is not that bad… just once”
CAREFUL!!! This is the most evil trick your brain is able to play on you. In that particular moment you feel like there wouldn’t be consequences, “maybe let’s push a little bit further to the edge this time” says a little voice in your head. BULLSH*T!!! Don’t be a fool.
Peeking is harmful since your brain wires back to the old ways. It activates the old reward system which makes you believe that you have to peek. Stop it!!! I am on day 11 now and won’t peek anymore. I once had 59 days without peeking and pmo and it didn’t kill me back then.
Free yourself!!!
PS: currently going to the gym every second day. I can feel the strength building inside me!!
