Day 4
I don’t like to start from zero. I relapsed few days after my last entry.
Then it was down the hell lane. Relapsed… again & again… till I could catch my breath.
I’ll tell you what happened in between
We all have one problem. But the ROOT cause is different.
Till last time I was trying very hard not to fap or watch ■■■■ that I was focusing very much attention on them including this app. It was the first time, I was new and excited. So I hung out here. I didn’t need to be.
I tried many things like every other brave person who is fighting for a good cause. I tried physical things like exercise and mental things like watching motivatonal videos or reading books. But somewhere I new my problem was deeper.
The last relapsed proved that.
The root cause of my problem was more spiritual than psychological. So the motivational videos and stuff weren’t going to do good in long term. Plus I was focused on retention. Only retention.
When you don’t know what you’ll do of the tremendous energy you are retaining in your body. When you don’t have a goal and a good usage of this energy, you’ll relapse.
Although I was doing productive things, I couldn’t help myself but relapse at the end. I don’t worry about the relapse. I worry about the CHASER effect that comes after we relapse. After that you can’t stop till it’s enough to make you come back to point zero. And I hate point zero.
But things are never same.
I researched… contemplated…contacted… Finally I knew. Nothing can save me if I don’t deal with the root problem. I started doing spiritual research. I read about impressions in mind, negative energies and how they affect us, dark entities and how they manipulate us…
Point is, I have decided one thing. From now on…
I will take it as a “relapse” if I don’t do meditation or any other spiritual practice, not if I fap or watch unwanted videos. I’ll reset the clock if I fail to meditate.
Because spiritual problem can only be counteracted by spiritual solutions.
Peace 
Out.
modernmedico