Hi my name is Mitchy l am 22 years old, Christian that lives in New Zealand. I never made a diary but gonna start one now because:
- reached Day 7 of nofap - the time where l struggle a lot
- Heard that writing things down to words really helps
- Awesome peeps like you can support me and my word can also inspire others maybe.
My Story - Short Version.
As l kid l got a phone and just like any kid l wanted to explore the internet and learn cool stuff. Unfortunately one time l clicked on a link but instead of bringing me to what l want it redirects me to porn. Now as a kid l was curious - my biggest mistake.
Eventually l quit porn but still some damage was done as now l am addicted to masturbating.
I will try to post daily but can’t make any promises as it all depends on how busy l am.
Feel free to comment for support and all if wish and STAY STRONG EVERYONE
First Entry: 7Day Streak and counting - No Relapse
Woke up, had breakfast and then showered. Anyways the only time of this whole day l felt horny for no reason after shower. So l touched my privates for a bit but quickly reminded myself not to do that again. Since it was very short l ain’t counting this as a relapse but l am keeping an eye on my urges and taking strict measures.
As l carried on l noticed my right lower back and knee really hurts - probably over did it yesterday’s Kung Fu lessons and paying for it today.
Today is going to be chill as gonna be lying low with the pain. Due to this the urges saw my weaknesses being in pain as an advantage to creep in. Wasn’t that intense and pressed onwards. Used this app and DM a few peeps to get support and to also help them out as well.
Anyways l think l will stream on twitch to distract myself but also to talk to other people around the world mainly cos of them and stupid covid to support them
Second Entry: 8Days in and no Relapse
Last night (I write the diary entry before dinner. So l put a night time log next entry) catch up was not good. I didn’t relapsed but I found it a bit hard to sleep. Tossing and turning. My d*ck throbbed and was really sensitive making it hard not to masturbate. I didn’t think of anything sexual and ldk maybe my brain is desperate for that pleasure and wants me to give in that’s why I was so sensitive.
Eventually went to bed and that was that
Woke up but still in bed. Next time l should get out of bed asap as l got a few urges but nothing to hard.
Had breakfast and went for a shower. Last shower time was hard as l touched myself for a few seconds. I now think it’s because after shower time brushing teeth l look into the mirror. I think looking into the mirror seeing myself naked was the cause of the urges. Either way l took measures and put a towel over my privates to avoid temptation.
After that l did my usual Thursday volunteer work at a retirement village.
The perfect distraction and is an awesome place to help others out.
Went home streamed on YouTube for a bit.
Anyways l got this feeling in my mind where l miss urges and fapping and fantasizing but l think it’s my brain playing tricks for me to relapse. I will ignore it
Third Entry - 9 Day Streak and no Relapse
Today l woke up had breakfast and took a shower. Same old waking up routine. Anyways l got on this app and almost relapsed. I was in someone’s dms (not mentioning names for privacy and if they are reading this please no it’s not your fault) and we are discussing both of our struggles. Anyways they mentioned about sex and stuff and that’s when it happened. My brain was like yes please and so l got massive urges and my d*ck was throbbing and super sensitive. As a Christian virgin l want to please God even if l don’t like the idea of sex after marriage but that’s cos of my addicted brain and not the real me - l hope. So curiousity made me all heated up but l managed to set a few rules in dm and now l slowly calmed down from the urges. The rest of the day is just chill apart from my evil addiction saying through thoughts “what’s one fap to you. It’s not going to harm you” and the idea that one side of me is begging for fapping but l will ignore the lies and move on.
Anyways we live in a world of evil (some of course is good tho) don’t believe me - what’s live backwards LIVE - EVIL and l don’t believe in coincidences.
Anyways at the end of the day l didn’t fap and get to keep going on through my streaks.
I try to stay strong and you should too.
4th Entry - My first Relapse
Ah sorry everyone especially the ones that supported me. At night time I couldn’t get to sleep and the urges where strong. The thing is a barely fapped and ldk how l cummed maybe my d*ck was super sensitive idk. Anyways gonna start again and beat my Streak. Start fresh
Don’t worry man. You will succeed if you want, just don’t give in and every day keep in mind the reason why you started.
Thanks for the motivation. The only hard thing when you relapse is starting over. Will try my hardest
Thinking about sex is my main trigger that one main fantasy that gets me. Gotta learn control
But it happened at midnight l can’t play when l need to sleep but then again that time was hard to sleep
It’s fine at least u tried to help and l appreciate that
Just close your eyes and think in nothing, don’t do anything. Doing anything is easier than doing something. That has worked for me. You can do it dude.
Starting again - Day 1.
I’m going to be stronger this time and not give into temptation. I think my main problem is my thoughts. Since as a Christian l can’t have sex when your not married and due to this is makes my brain all curious. I gotta learn control and know that life is not just about sex but so much more.
Anyways my day from 0 to 24 hours of no fapping is fine but gets intense mainly in night and morning. I am going to get inspiring from this app to find all the ways to control myself. Once l have my thoughts sorted l think sailing be a lot easier.
Right now l was going to look into my Twitter feed one last time before bed and l peeked accidentally on a pic. Was not really nsfw but was sexy. Anyways is peeking at images like that a relapse. Either way I’m going to be more careful on social media but it’s so frustrating like no matter what the internet finds a way to creep up on you with dirty things.
Went on Twitter unfollowed anyone that reposts nsfw content and will keep doing so to not cause any temptation.
The rest of my day went smoothly.
Nsfw- not safe for work meaning porn or anything sexual content