I don’t know what to say or why I am even making this dairy. I guess to have an outlet and express how I feel during this journey. Porn has been in my life since I was kid and I never gave it any thought until the shame and guilt got me. NoFap found me and gave me hope that this addiction could be destroyed but I quickly realized that to beat thing I couldn’t treat it as a challenge. That was 4 years ago and I am back at square one. My addiction isn’t extreme but more of a constant reminder that I am a slave to something. It feels like mental slavery some days. I seem to be stuck in cycle of insanity the last couple of years. Going a couple weeks isn’t that hard but I hit a roadblock around week three and can’t seem to get past it. I really want this out of my life. Hopefully posting on this forum will help me get over the hump.
We are with you man. Together it’ll become more easy. You are in the right place. This forum will really help you in this journey. I had my longest streak of 112 days only with the help of my companions here.
Keep writing and go forward with discipline. Life is much much better without porn. I experienced a life without porn in those 100 days and those were some of the best days of my life. Iam going to destroy porn completely. Iam going to get rid of it forever. We are together man.
Ya man ur not alone and I think this is best possible place u could start ur journey everybody knows and understands ur pain and we will help u as much as we can until u are free
Looking forward to seeing you getting better:)
Thank you bro for the encouraging words. Just hoping to take it one day at a time.
I appreciate it man. I feel like this will be the one!
Day 1 felt like a normal day 1 lol I had the hang over of urges yesterday and had thoughts of watching porn today but the thought made me cringe. I still feel bad for watching it the last couple of days because it could of been avoided by just going to bed. It’s in the past now and I will move forward with my Lord.
Day 3. I missed day 2 but I felt the same as I did yesterday. Urges were pretty strong the last couple of days but it is to be expected. Your mind plays tricks on you and says, “It’s only been three days. You can slip up right now and start over.” But your mind doesn’t tell you is that it never stops. The constant 3 to 7 day slip can last months, it’s deceitful. I know now that I can’t even trust myself during this journey. It gets easier after a week but I know the second and third weeks are some of the toughest weeks due to the increase energy and the constant lies I tell myself. I can’t think of the future because it’s not here. All I have is today and this moment. Our whole lives are made up of moments. An urge is only a moment of my life, it will go away. The trick is to not believe the moment is bigger than what it actually is. I’m looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings.
Day 5 is today. This addiction has been apart of my life for some time now. It’s a little embarrassing to talk about it but it’s my story. My story began rough and unpredictable. My mom died when I was a baby and my oldest sister, who was 18 at the time, became my guardian. The fun did not stop there. My sister’s boyfriend was abusive and controlling to every one inn the household. Having him in my life heighten my stress levels. It was literally like walking on egg shells everyday. If one broke it meant a bad day was coming. I had so many bad days growing up. When you see the effects of domestic violence, drugs, and mental issues can do to a family it makes you depressed. Porn came into my life like that cute girl at school you have never seen before that you can’t get out of your fucking mind. But this girl isn’t sweet or nice. She is deceitful and a liar! But she is so damn irresistible, so you let all the bullshit slide if she gives you that one thing. That one thing that you know won’t satisfy you but risk it because maybe this time it will satisfy you. These are the lies we tell ourselves when we establish a relationship with porn. It’s hard to let go of a long term relationship but we have to let it go.
Day 7: each day I keep myself occupied the easier it is to resist the urges. I am doing very so far. I had some urges last night but I pushed through and went to bed. The first week is always weird but it gets better each week. My short term goal is 3 weeks. After three weeks I know I can hit my long term goal of 40 day.
Day 8: I am going strong as I do the first week. Confidence is slowly coming and brain fog is slowly lifting. I think my journey will truly start around week 2 since my body is used to going a couple weeks away from porn. Have I had thoughts? Of course I have but it’s not worth it. I have goals I want to hit that are important to me. The first goal is writing a book. I am not the best writer but no author started as great writers, it took time and dedication. It’s imperative for me to stay busy and active. When I am idle my mind will sooner or later go to porn. That means sticking to my goals and continuing my habits.
Last night I slipped up twice to porn. I feel awful and just disgusted. I keep making promises to God that I am not keeping so it’s time to charge my game plan. I have been doing this with no plan and allowing my thoughts to dectate my day. I have to discipline myself to rewire my brain. Our brain will do the same thing until we train it otherwise. So this time I will keep a tracker of my wins or track my goals for the day. I want five wins for the day and I won’t go to bed until I hit those wins. My wins will look something like the following.
Wins of the Day:
- Read one chapter in a book (or audio book)
- Write at least 300 words in my journal (I want to write a book next year)
- Read my Bible for one hour before bed
- Meditate for 5 minutes
- Do 80 pushups before bed (when my gym opens back I want to go back to working out for at least 45 mins).
I will give these wins a try. The biggest thing is consistency and endurance. I must hit these wins consistency every single day. I know the urges will come but I hope is that with discipline it will be easier to say No to the urges. My goal is 45 days. Why 45 days? My longest streak was 42 days and I plan to crush that streak. I know I have it in me to do it. I know the Lord is with through every bad trail. I will dig deeper than I ever have to hit this goal. I really need support through this and I hope that you guys stick with me through this journey.
Never do this bro. It is the same as putting ghee to the fire, don’t watch or even think about any erotic content while on nofap.
Once you join this forum, you are accountable to all of us. We are all with you. If you need any help, support or advice PM me or any other companions. We don’t want any men falling behind. We’ll win!
