Mapping Priya's Jouney

Diary
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1

What are my thoughts as of now?

I just joined no fap on account of a simple reason of being stuck in my journey. It’s been roughly two months since my streak and I feel now I am reaching a stalemate. have also started exercising which is kind of increasing my desire to masturbate. Thankfully, the urge to watch porn has disappeared but my mind fog persists and I would like to do a complete overhaul/metamorphosis if possible i.e. change lifestyle and stop masturbating both.

One particular difficulty is that my mind cannot distinguish between liking for liking and liking for sexual gratification. I steer clear of male company to keep myself sane and prevent such thoughts. But I hope to reverse this and become a better well rounded person in the future.

Name - Priya
Nickname - Baarish

Changes signals (To be used)

Red - No change
Orange - Slight not pivotal
Yellow - Somewhat
Green - Good

Changes I have seen until now include

Time duration - 2 months
1). Heightened sense of being (in the moment) - Yellow
2). Ease of interacting to opposite sex - Orange
3). Increased energy to do other things - Yellow
4). Less sexual thoughts - Red
5). Overall happiness - Yellow
6). Reduction in urges - Orange
7). Mind fog - Red
8). Distinguishing between sexual desire and true liking - Red

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2

so far, so good…
it’ll keep improving, and, you’ll keep evolving…
have faith.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU !

3

New Update

It’s the same route for now but I feel the urge rising with a gusto. I keep imagining scenarios in which I have sex almost to the point that I am actually aroused. The ice pack thingy tbh does work but only when coupled with fierce mental reinforcement. I have realised that most importantly

  1. Porn has messed up my brain as I think of sex in terms of what is pleasing to a guy and not to me
  2. It has also blurred my concept of boundaries, though thankfully no one around me knows of that. I have also realised that my excessive need for porn stems from a deep rooted desire to be loved and shown afffection. I am also really insecure and use this as an escape route for stress management.

It’s kind of strange…a weird thing happened lately that is the change in my skin tone and overall heath. My parents and friends have started ofmmenting on how healthy I look.

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