L's Journal of Life

This is my dairy as the name suggests.
28/Apr/2024
I relapsed 6 times today,everyday it’s more or less except when I was in a challenge.It helped since I’m a bit competitive but ig there’s a limit of external motovation.I have a self rule that I have to do a particular set of actions after relapse,so far it hasn’t helped much or at all but let’s see.

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tell us more about yourself,your age,how you got into this addiction

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29/Apr/2024
No relapse
Reason: maybe 'cuz thinking about this quote
"In life it’s important to feel strong not necessarily to be strong,to measure urself atleast once,to find urself atleast once in most ancient human conditions,facing the blind,deaf stone alone,nothing to help u but ur own 2 hands and head.

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Instincts,when i was 13 i found things on my own without any external factor,though at that time i didn’t even knew the names of these activities

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I hope you find your flow back bro. You are really a killing machine when you are at your peak performance.

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30/Apr/2024
Today’s only 2nd day but the urges were strong ,still are, acted on them a little but soon realised the mistake and controled myself.Another relapse free day but there’s no happiness.Now it doesn’t feel different whether I do it or don’t and
the thing that bothers is that I still don’t know the reason why somedays I relapse and somedays don’t.

Most time it’s so numb,can’t remember the time when I felt truly happy from the inside.Though
sometimes I do feel fear for the future as the time passes by,I do wanna measure myself somehow,want to face the most ancient human conditions like living in wild,not sure myself or maybe it’s just running away

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8 may
Things have changed a bit and i think i know why.

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@DarkDLeo how are you brother!

Not sure.
What about You?