Love Is Not About Forcing The Pieces To Fit, It’s About Falling Into Something That Fits Naturally

Why is it that when we love people, we think we can change them? That we can fix them? That we can make them become someone they’re not, someone we need, someone we’re supposed to be with?

Maybe it’s because we get so wrapped up in the idea of love, the promise of forever. We meet people and we try to put them into little boxes, try to shape them into the relationship we’re destined to have, try to hold them to expectations way too high and too specific to be real.

We want, so desperately, to feel what we believe the rest of the world is feeling. We compare our emotions to peoples’ around us, trying to understand commitment and loyalty and passion and intimacy, trying to transfer those feelings into our own lives.

But the truth is, you cannot make someone love you. You cannot force love, cannot shape love, cannot control love, cannot try to love someone into loving you back.

See, the thing about love is that it’s inherent. As children, we don’t have to be taught how to love—we just know. We aren’t instructed to want to be held, to cry when we need something, to reach out and touch another person when we see their smiling face. Even as babies, we long for attention and affection. We seek feedback from the people around us. We want closeness; we crave connection.

Love is simply wired into who we are; we are born looking for love, wanting love, understanding love. But somehow, as we get older and fall into serious relationships, we forget that simple fact.

We forget that we shouldn’t have to tell people what we need. We forget that we shouldn’t have to change ourselves to find love. We forget that we shouldn’t have to turn and twist and push and pull just to make two people fit together. We forget that love should be natural.

See, you shouldn’t have to force someone to love you. You shouldn’t have to change who you are just to be in a relationship. You shouldn’t have to struggle, every single day to make things work.

Because when someone loves you—it’s not about them trying to fix you, change you, or fall in love by a certain time. There aren’t rules, aren’t guidelines, aren’t ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts.’ Love is something that comes naturally.

And you can’t try to make someone feel the things you’re feeling. You can’t try to rush emotion to have something work at a certain time. You can’t try to love someone into loving you through your words and gestures and actions and gifts. Love doesn’t work like that.

You can’t make someone feel something they’re not quite ready to feel. You can’t hold them to expectations far beyond their reach and be disappointed when they don’t measure up. You can’t demand that someone be who you need them to be because love is not about making someone play a role in your life that they may not be ready to play. Love is not about asking someone to change, to bend, to become something they’re not. Love is not about trying to force pieces of a puzzle together.

Love is about falling into something, someone where all the pieces just fit.

See, I think that’s what we forget about love. We forget that behind all the opposition, the fights, the struggles, the drama, the difficult parts— love is easy. We forget that loving someone requires work in the sense that you have to choose that person every single day, but in its simple existence, loving someone isn’t hard.

We forget that love should come naturally. We shouldn’t have to force it, shouldn’t have to put expectations or rules on it, shouldn’t have to demand that it happens at a certain time or in a certain way. We forget that love isn’t about asking someone to change, or having someone demand that we be someone different.

We forget that we shouldn’t be searching for perfection, that we shouldn’t be holding people to unreachable standards, but instead finding someone whose laughter makes us laugh, whose smile turns our frown, whose hands make ours tingle, whose happiness brings light to our lives, whose passion sets us on fire—and loving them because it’s really just that simple.

Because the pieces fit. Because we don’t have rules or expectations, but take things day by day, learning who we are alongside another person. Learning that love doesn’t have to be so hard. Learning that there will be hard times, fights, pain, and brokenness, but ultimately, things fit together.

And through all the crap, you keep fighting for each other. Not trying to change, not trying to force, not trying to make something happen—but letting life happen, letting love happen, realizing that two people become love, and it’s a damn beautiful thing.


That’s some good stuff, totally agree

Well said! Just reading the title I knew I was going to comment on this, thanks for writing it.

What you said vibes with me on a holistic even visceral level. It seems to be coming from an experience rather than being a philosophical musing I presume. Nonetheless, it throws me back to my experiences of love. As much as I would like to say that I’ve been on both sides of the equation equally, the one who loves unconditionally and the one who loves conditionally, I must admit that I’ve indisputably on the conditionally loving side more with blissful phases of unconditional loving in between. I could write forever on this so I’ll press for a conclusion — I realized that in order for there to be love in a relationship, it must spring from within you and in order for that to occur, you must first be filled with love yourself… you simply cannot love someone if you don’t love yourself. And it’s not a joke to love oneself let alone another and it’s never unconditional, never… and deep inside you don’t want it to be unconditional neither.

You want there to be certain consequences to certain actions

  • ideally, nothing severe enough that the love cannot heal or mend
  • also, if you’re wise, you want clear boundaries that once transgressed, even love can’t fix

I would recommend the latter because we say some things but deep inside believe other things. And it’s really hard to be in love and no wonder, it’s the ultimate blissful union that transforms into something better over time - so taking it lightly (unless that’s your intention) is not a good idea. When you combine with another, you’re not only inheriting their happiness but also their misery… and if you aren’t grounded as a person yourself… you have no business being in a relationship, unless mutual madness is your thing. Ask yourself, how can you let someone in your care, in your castle, in your heart when you yourself are in disarray… in love, everything magnifies, the good… and the bad.

So, having no expectations in love, is not only unrealistic, it’s the ultimate platonic dream (also could be interpreted as a lie). Yes in the honeymoon phase this should be the rule that it’s all about love and so on… but thinking longterm, I would want my partner to tell me if there’s a problem and the same goes if I had a problem with her… then we can sort it out. My idea of love is within an exclusive relationship that spans the entirety of life. Call me a a monogamous penguin who mates for life (not serially monogamous) or old fashioned but that’s the perspective that I approach it from and have written this.

I would also be the first to say that if you don’t fit together, don’t force it, leave fast and don’t delay… but such things are very subjective. Cheers for writing this, here’s me just offering another viewpoint… and yes it’s from experience. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is the challenge. No doubt I have much to learn but imo a true relationship is dynamic and independent as in it’s open to change of all sorts and both parties retain a substantial measure of their individual selves without compromising on love.

Having said all that (didn’t mean to write so much)… I know one thing for certain, the indisputable fact is that I’m glad I’m single now hahahaha.

special_bird… and has a cat as a profile picture

it’s like if your name was “prisoner” and your profile picture was a cop xD

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Hahaha i realized that awhile ago when someone else mentioned it :joy: never even thought about it before then lol