176 days easy mode vs 90 days hard mode
So where do I even begin this I guess with some background information about myself. I was probably one of the worst cases I’ve heard when it comes to porn I would pmo and mo at least 6 times a day. I remember doing until my penis was lifeless and as small as can be. I started from the age of 11. I thought this was completely Normal and acceptable behaviour. My addiction was the cause of my depression and general lack of willingness or desire to do anything. When i first found out my penis wouldn’t work with a partner in real life the thought of killing myself consumed me. The worst thing was I brought erectile dysfunction drugs and they didn’t work I had so many questions about my own sexuality. I was completely broken. Then I found one of the websites about porn effect in the brain and the journey started.
Why I think easy mode is a waste of time I went 176 days on easy mode , taking few looks here and there at picture , YouTube , Facebook , snapchat and using dating website, I was edging every now and then. I went for the benefits on Nofap to come and guess what they didn’t no one thing changed. I still felt depressed , lonely and lacking everything that made me human. Which drove me back into the welcoming arms of porn. As we all know she holds us tightly and refused to let go.
Hardmode the only mode.
I don’t know what happened inside of me , I don’t even remember but I wanted to be better so I started to read books which I had never done before. Most due to being dyslexic I thought reading would be a terrible idea but what did I have to lose. The first book I read was the slight edge which is a truly life changing and inspiring books which can work wonders if you let it . I decide that I would use the remainder of 2015 to improve myself doing everything I could to make myself better, however I didn’t beat the addiction. That was my goal for 2016 but you said that for 2015 and always said you would do and start this next months bleh blah blah. However I had made up my mind.
Hard mode rules No images No video No arousal No dating websites No touching unless showering and weeing No unnecessary internet usage
Step one The first thing I did was stop using the Internet completely for one month as I needed to break the cycle. I realised how dominated my life was by the Internet the first few days left me with a massive void inside myself. The withdrawal symptoms were bad, I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t sleep. Most of all I was completely lost my identity had vanish. However no matter how rough it got I just kept going. I had so much free time I was meditating daily which was the first time in my life I was able to find true peace. It allowed me to turn off the constant mind chatter that had haunted me my whole life. I read 10 books in one months. I found beauty in all the small things of life, in the blowing of the wind , the singing of the birds , the smile on the faces of people as thet went about their business.
Step two Back to the Internet this was either going to make me or break me. I actually felt sick and little stressed about it. Thought when I came back I knew I was a different person everything had changed. I had no urges to look at anything that I used to it felt amazing. So I started my new life as a new person I had found self control I could use the Internet without messing up and wasting time it was truly life changing.
Step three the icing on the cake Where along the the journey I started to see the beauty within people no just the way they looked. I had lost the superficial perspective that the porn industry had built into me. My brain had change I wanted to talk to people and I did. I made new friend I wanted to be around people. Then I found her the most amazing person. I would have never been able to speak to her before this. Now I did and she been my girlfriend for the last month and we dated a month before that. She found something in me even I didn’t know was there and brought out true love which was something I didn’t know I was capable of.
