Keep oneself busy

Hey guys

Wanna talk about something I don’t really understand. (I’m open to change my mind if someone can give me a good explanation :smile: )

One thing I hear so often is to keep oneself busy. To plan the whole day and don’t leave time for any boredom.

I can see that this reduces urges or increases your streaks for one or two weeks. But what does this helps you? How do you plan to live your life?
Do you wanna plan every single day for the rest of your life (sorry I don’t believe that you only need to do it for 90 days and then you are rebooted. That’s not how it works. Ask the boys who relapsed after a long streak)

It’s just another way to circumvent the problem. You don’t wanna treat your porn addiction. You just focus your attention on something else. But once you have one single day where you find some freetime you will relapse for sure. Doesn’t matter if it is after 10, 90 or 1000 days.

Same thing applies to methods where you purely wanna power through urges. I did that too. I accepted a challenge and went to 60 days. I can tell you, These 60 days where of absolutely no use for my rewiring.

Rewiring can’t be measured in the length of your counter. It’s about how you feel, how you live.
I would always prefere being in my first week, with a good and healthy mindset, a battleplan, not only for the next few days but for life instead of a 1000 days streak which I reached only by challenges, and planing every day through and through.

Yes I can understand if someone says after a relapse or wet dream he is prone to binging, so he planes his next two days so that he doesn’t fall into the binge pit. But none of the advices I see are talking about that.

I just wanna help. I’ve been here for a very long time. I’ve seen many people rise but many more fall. I saw so many tactics fail.

The way I saw the most people failing is ignoring and not tackling the reason for your urges.

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I mean, I don’t think that doing sport is a bad thing. I don’t think that having some habits like morning routine or bed-time routine.

I just see that it is very unhealthy to do sports every day until you fall tired into your bed. That it is unhealthy to plan every minute of every day.

We need balance in life.

This is a great question. I am one of the people who who recommended keeping oneself busy to prevent relapsing, so I’ll venture to answer your question.

  1. The desire to obtain pleasure by fapping is powered by your psychic energy, that which drives all of your biological functions, your thinking process, your social interactions, etc. That energy will force its way one way or the other, and it is much more likely to follow the channels dug deep by habit than by your day to day rational decision making. Unless your hands (and legs, and the rest if your body-mind) have developed the muscle memory to engage in other activities to give outlet to this energy, your conscious thought is going to be utterly powerless to resist when the flood of urge comes, and will take the most familiar route it knows - pmo. Hence the advice to make a habit of expending energy in non-pmo ways. This ties in with your advice against “powering through” urges as your go-to move. Like you say, it may have its place, but if you find yourself doing it for very long stretches then that’s defeating the purpose, and you can’t keep doing it for life.

  2. You talk about the impracticality of planning all of your days and the rest of your life. You’re absolutely right, and which was why the recommendation is not to sit down every morning with a plan but to adopt a lifestyle which then becomes a habit for you. You don’t have to make conscious decisions every day because you have become a different type of person, who enjoys structuring his/her time differently than a person who is a pmo addict.

  3. Related to the above, you express your objection to filling every waking moment with activity so that you don’t get bored. That’s not really the goal (filling every waking moment), and if someone expressed it that way then they are being inaccurate. The goal instead is to find an alternative outlet for the energy you have, and once that is expended, you don’t have to keep looking for something to do. In fact, it’s a psychological fact that the satisfaction of having made an achievement or a creative output, not matter how mundane in the bigger scheme of things, is bound to bring a restful satisfaction that will help you genuinely relax, or go to sleep, allowing you to rest and heal yourself rather than sedating yourself through pmo.

  4. Alright, so what’s the way which does not involve planning out every waking moment of your life, and which does not require you to constantly fight yourself? What I am going to say next is a bit philosophical and partly my personal worldview, but I think it works. Human beings are hard-wired to be contributing members of the species - that’s really what sustains the life force in us and keeps us “happy”, with our desires just serving as short term guides to nurture and protect us. Hence, the answer is to discover our particular gifts and understand how they are supposed to bring happiness to those around us. This make take some trial and error, “following your heart,” etc., and it will be very different for different people (could even just be being a positive presence for others, or child rearing, etc.). But once we do it our life force will find its natural channel, and we will be able to joyously devote our time and energy to something that keeps us happy and contented, without needing to worry excessively or plan everything out.

Questions welcome :slight_smile:


Thanks a lot for the great answers.
So, from what I understand, it would be better described as “Think of habits you would like to adopt. Plan your days so that you do these tasks regularly and that they become these habits” ?

I would completely agree that forming many healthy habits is a really good thing.
It also sounds better than stuff your day full of random things to occupy you with :smile:

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“Think of habits you would like to adopt. Plan your days so that you do these tasks regularly and that they become these habits”

Yes, pretty much. There will be some drudgery initially but as long as you pick something close to your heart and derive some degree of enjoyment and/or fulfillment from it you should be good. And of course, after you have committed and dedicated a substantial number of days to a given set of activities, you have the option to reevaluate and find something that could be a still better fit for your nature and/or life purpose.

Also, as with all addictions, pmo addiction is likely to be an escape from psychic pain caused by past trauma. This will come up at some point during the NoFap journey. Along with therapy, meditation etc., having meaningful outlets for ones energy is a big factor in letting go of the shackles and moving into ones own power.

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Being busy can be instrumental for recovery. But we can’t live by constantly keep busy. This is what people do today to keep themselves distracted from life’s problems. Humanity is marching towards the abyss. Depression,Addictions are warning signs. They are a call to wake up. if life is good you need no distractions. But today everybody distract themselves with mass entertainment, artificial goals, money, sports Career etc. We are detached from nature and from ourselves. The system is designed to control nature both mother nature and or inner nature. We are enslaved. And like a wild animal in a cage we fall into depression, we can’t tolerate the lack of freedom. This isactually a sign of health.we are not completely broken into total obedience. Yet…

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