Just sharing my thoughts

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When I was depressed, I used to not talk to anyone, sitting alone in class, talking to no one, only replying when necessary, even not responding sometimes because i thought the question was stupid.

Although it always led others to undervalue my skills, they thought I didn’t knew anything in any regards, my teachers too though this. and even made me loose various opportunities, but I was happy at that time, satisfied with myself, cuz I knew my truth.

Some Will ask, I said I was depressed then how was I happy, I was happy with myself because I was improving and not wasting time even 1% on a single shit talk, time waste, or even enjoying as a whole seemed waste at that point, that’s why I mentioned it as depression. I used to listen to songs only, and work alone, no teamwork, nothing, i didn’t believe in teamwork, since it only led me to not perform well.

But now, a few months ago, I said here in the forum only I will start enjoying, opening up, and to be very honest, even though I am now more engaging with people, people like me more, they want to talk to me, I talk to girls, and even those who used to side eye are talking to me, and admiring my skills, I don’t feel happy, it’s feel like I am over showing everything as if it’s not the proper time to be in the limelight.

I am wasting my energy on shit talks, weird gossips, making people happy, but I don’t want to prove to anyone, but when I stop giving a shit, they think I have ego. I never made friends in college but when I did I feel like it’s also a time waste since they drag you to their pace. I don’t wanna wait for anyone and sacrifice my time.

I already know what some answers here will be -
“Friends are also important, you should work and enjoy in your free time”

But friends don’t stay forever. We come to college to make our future not relations.

I will try to be open and be focused on work at the same time, although it seems difficult. Will just assume this engaging with people is just a practice for my networking in corporate. Thank you for reading.

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Brother why cant you have friends who have fun with books and if not then have the company of great personalities, great books, dive into the right actions.
The mind that wants to go into the reality of things, dive deeper and experience immersion in the right work.
How can that same mind opt to have fun with someone who is cracking nonsense jokes that means nothing & even expect you to laugh.

My suggestion to you will be stop giving importance to the need of having friends and in fact this need is also implanted/conditioned into you through society… You are complete in yourself, your are perfect.

In today’s world people have friendship inorder to gain or lose something.
I am not saying having friends is a bad thing i am just saying having friendships with a selflessness is a beautiful thing.
Make yourself busy in the right work that you dont find time to be depressed…and that’s only possible when your work is emerging from the centre of selfless love.
You will have right friend’s and if not than also it’s not a big deal since you dont need a companion you are complete in yourself… If you find someone in this journey thaths also right if not that’s also right.
Be Joyful mate there are many things to immerse yourself into it.

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Thank you man, I needed this today in all honesty. I will work for/on myself and not to please others. :raised_hands:t2:

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If you have a really important goal, then I’d advise you to go back to your older self.

Whatever you described here is not much different than spending time on your social media or phone in general. This is gossip as well, but real world gossip. You do something similar on your phone. The version of phone is even more destructive than this because it makes things more comfortable. You don’t need to go out to talk to people you just have to stay in your room on a device.

Just like you won’t say on your deathbed that “I wish I spent more time on my phone”, in the similar way you’ll also not say “I wish I had gossiped more with people”.
Because small talks which lead you to nowhere are almost entirely worthless in my personal opinion. I wouldn’t say that they’re 100% useless, but 90% of small talks surely are.

Also this is my personal opinion, which is my INTJ vibe. Some people can do small talks and still thrive in their life. But to me it seems exhausting. I see you of a similar temperament, that socialization sucks up your drive.

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