Junnaever diary. Reflections and hope

Diary
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I’m here. Life is not what I expected it to be. The start of college felt like I was on my way to somewhere great. I got married. And slowly over time, all those hopes and stand were fading and doying as I struggled with maintaining the energy and work necessary to succeed.

5 years of marriage, ended 8 months ago. I am still struggling to slowly finish my degree after many semesters created and burned. And now loneliness invades me daily as a once bright and cheerful person stares down their bleak reality, and fans into the clothes of depression.

It hurts.

I’m trying to turn my life around. I will finish school! I will conquer my inadequacies. I will conquer this addiction. I will fight to become proud of who I am once again.

At the moment I do not feel I am worthy to even date, as I can’t help but compare myself to others my age.

I have started putting in place many things to help me get there some day, but now I am a prisoner to time, as I wait for the next chance to do something, but Knowing that I have things I can do now.

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Age simply doesn’t matter. But rather than looking for someone to date look for someone whom you can marry. Dating is not for serious and sincere people. It is something that I have realised with time. Especially when you have a history, a past that you want to rid yourself of. Do join a gym and vent out your feelings. Eat well. Read good books. Stop using phone completely. Surround yourself with friends and brighten up the colour of your life a level. I know you must have tried all of this already. I know your pain is real and I cannot imagine it. But I know that sometimes all we need is a reminder. I am just reminding you. May you heal. May you be more healthy. May you be more wise. May you find real love again. But believe me search in the lanes of marriage and you might find someone in need of love for whom you can provide and maybe that someone can fill your void too. Don’t lose hope. Everything can get better. Our past only worries us so much as we allow it to do. :blossom:

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