I done some thinking after relapsing again and decided to create a new diary, plus my old diary is dead these days I rarely post there now, this new diary will be like a fresh start for me.
Awesome fresh start
Stay disciplined this time and show that Weakling who’s boss
Way to go yeah…
We can do this
Thanks guys, I’m ready thrash this addiction once and for all.
All the best. Even i starting today. Can we do it together?
I received news that the Queen Died, its sad news, but good news for Charles, to make things sadder all of this happened without my knowledge while I was just sitting there jerking off, I can’t even Express how I feel because I’m so numb, but it’s a new day, new beginning.
I woke up early this morning with the intention of gym, but that didn’t happen I instead had breakfast and got my things ready for the weekend, before going to work I did a 10 minute meditation, it was the first one I’ve done in long time, I actually felt grounded Im still at work rn but I’m going to drive to my parents house once my shift finishes.
I was at the gym for an hour, when I noticed a girl also at the gym that looked somewhere near my age, I wasn’t thinking anything dirty about her, but something in my mind was telling me I should talk to her, I didn’t get to that point though, but I still had a pretty decent workout.
Friday 16th September
Sadly today I relapsed, it caught me off guard, my day was over before it even started, I was in denial and full of regret, I felt like I had lost everything, but then I was sitting outside on the front deck and realized, something, and journaled what I was thinking, Ive copied and pasted what I wrote.
I’m come to accept that Ive relapsed, I was in denial earlier, denial does nothing but puts me at risk of another relapse a.k.a the chaser effect, quick meditation helped me come to terms with it, I then 20 pushups and 20 crunches to help get me back I’m now thinking whether or not I have a cold shower or splash cold water on my face, ive already relapsed and there is nothing I can do to stop it happening, I can’t change the past, but what matters most is the choices I make now, I know I’m not perfect no matter how strong, determined or tough I seem and I stuff up sometimes, but that doesn’t stop me getting out of my bed every day to pursue things that makes me stronger and transform me into a better version of myself. The important thing is coming to terms with things in the past and making the right choices in the present, thats the only way you can really move forward and succeed in life.
For 2 years Ive been on this nofap journey and it’s the first time I realize this.
Day 1 I decided to mow my parents lawn for them they haven’t been mowed for a couple months, I’m about to prune branches and weed the gardens, my parents have been in a rut since I moved out and they have been very busy, I decided to help out to help them break out of this rut. When I’m not doing anything I have giving myself a moment to sit out on the front deck out in the daylight and allow myself to reflect, this is something I have always neglected and possibly why I relapse, following my most recent relapse which was yesterday morning, I actually got out of my bed and for the first time I went outside sat on the front deck and for a good 10 minutes I just sat there reflected on all the choices Ive made in my lifetime, I was also reflecting on mistakes I have made, thoughts of finding the right girl, I was also reflecting on my 2 year journey of Nofap, all of these deep thoughts came rushing through, I then closed my eyes for a few minutes and did some deep breathing, my mind was brought back to the present, it felt like I was being reborn, I going to make sure I reflect more often if means getting back on the right path, I never realized how important reflecting was til yesterday. Now with a newly built mindset and a stronger commitment, I have got what it takes, no more lying in bed, no more masterbating, no more telling myself that I will do something only to change my mind, it’s time I get out there, make friends, continue go to the gym, learn to to drive, wake up every day ready to make a difference and most importantly be the man I was born to be.
Hey bro I think you have potential to beat this, I really do but moving from the position u are now to the man you want to be with this addiction chained on u it’s like I chain 5 kilos weight on a pigeon leg and ask the pigeon to fly high and be the bird was born to be. No the bird won’t fly and will stay in the same position until dies.
Sorry bro this how bad it is for all PMO addicts
Didn’t do much today, I slept in til 9 am, when I woke up I went to the cowshed to help my dad, I locked the cows in the paddock for him, then I helped my dad feed calves, when I got back home, I tidied the kitchen, and front deck, I then put the tools away, after that I sat down and reflected for a bit. That’s all I really did today.
I now do this thing where I wake up before 8 am, i usually set my alarm for 7:30, when I get up I make myself breakfast, usually I’ll eat rolled oats, some other changes Ive been making is Ive been forcing myself into more social interactions, mostly with my work colleagues, my Adhd sometimes gets in the way and I go too far with my humor sometimes Ive actually contemplated telling them about my Adhd, I feel like they would understand, another change Ive been making is Ive began making my own lunch for work, my goal is to stop buying lunch from the cafeteria, but to eat my own lunch, doing this will save me money and I really want to change. In my spare time, Ive been doing the basics of meditation, reflection and Transmutation, Ive been taking cold showers, I haven’t been to the gym lately, but Ive been doing pushups as an alternative.
I’ve been put on lighter duties at work to help my hand/wrist heal, on the flip side Ive been socializing more and starting conversations with different people, I actually feel more masculine when talking to people, I am actually coming out of my shell every day I go to work, it’s also been helping me on nofap, I haven’t been going to the gym lately, but Ive been doing at least 10 pushups a day as an alternative, I didn’t do pushups yesterday. Yesterday I drove my younger sister to her friend’s birthday party and on the way back home I stopped at The Warehouse (Similar to Kmart) and brought some new clothes, I then drove to the beach and went home, I helped my Dad milk the cows and I was so tired by the end of the day that I went to bed early, when I got up this I went and locked the animal’s in their paddock and fed the calves. Today my plans are to either do some farm maintenance and shift livestock or I might drive my Dad to the horse show that my sister is participating in, which ever one I choose I know ill be making the right choice. I spent a good 10 to 20 minutes writing this, taking the time to write what we are doing to improve ourselves is very important especially for nofap.
Today marks 2 weeks on nofap, what Ive been doing this whole time is reflecting on choices I make which are good and, ive still been continuing to, although Ive been abit quiet lately I’m still pushing myself. I haven’t been to the gym lately but I’ve been doing 10 pushups a day as an alternative, and I take cold showers whenever I have one. Every day except weekends is another workday, opportunity to make new friends at work, while I’m still learning how to talk/socialize, I do hang with these people to feel like I have friends, Ngl since trying to socialize I haven’t been feeling lonely like I had been, loneliness is one of the root reasons I used to relapse, which is why I’m trying to change, other than that, yesterday I visited the doctor about my wrist the one Ive been getting pins and needles in and numb, they said I have carpal tunnel syndrome, a swelling in my wrist which puts pressure on my median nerve which restricts bloodflow to the fingers, they gave me an Xray and blood test, Ive been put on lighter duties at work and Ive been wearing a bandage like sock which helped the symptoms go away carpal tunnel syndrome is a very common thing for people to get at the place I work, Ive got medical appointments and physio sessions over the next coming weeks I’m going to take extra care so my wrist recovers and hopefully avoid a surgery further down the line.
It’s been a while since I posted in this channel, a lot positive changes have been happening with me lately being on nofap, I have been doing lots of things such as spending quality time with my family especially my siblings I went with them to a trampoline park and I had fun, I have noticed that Ive always been closer to my family when nofap, fapping only drives a wedge between me and my family, aside from that Ive been making friends at work and my social skills are getting better and better because of it, I don’t feel sad like I have been, Ive been taking these supplements such as vitamin b which has been helping with my mood and energy levels, I recently went to the gym for the first time in 3 weeks, it felt good, Ive just been doing pushups when not at the gym, it keeps me disciplined, that’s what Ive been up to over the past week, Ive been taking cold showers when possible, Ive been meditating when possible and I continue to do things outside of my comfort zone which make me grow as a man. Today I was watching Netflix for an hour then I decided to go outside and practice welding some steel it was fun and I intend to keep practicing to improve my skills with it. Some things Ive got planned is my birthday which is next week then I’m planning to have driving Lessons for my week off so I can get my car license.
Day 30. A month clean now, I’m a different person to what I was 30 days ago Ive been focusing on self improvement and now I’m starting to see results, I’m becoming very confident around others and with myself and the way I look, I’m only going to get better the further I go. Yesterday I was practicing welding and then last night I went to a blindspot concert, I really enjoyed it, I got a new t-shirt from there, I even got a photo with the band, since it’s nearly my birthday, which is tomorrow, I didn’t think I would actually get a photo with the band lol.
Last night I went with my family to a bistro and the food there was quite nice, I played some pool, this morning I woke to wet dream on my birthday, im 20 years young now.
Happy birthday brother!
20 birthday characters.