So I just relapsed. After 302 days. The academic stress was too much to handle.
How it happened:
I was occasionally visiting sites and saw some clips and photos since few days out of severe stress and touched myself and just lied to myself that since I’m not fapping, It’s not relapse. And told myself that if I reset my streak just because of watching, There might be more and more relapse which will follow up, due to chaser effect.
But it did more harm, as it ate my precious time and hijacked my mind with lewd thoughts all the time.
So I thought enough of enough, went to bathroom and did it after 302 days. I don’t feel bad. Afterall I’m a human and I can’t fight with the biological demand of body the whole time. I’ll start again and stay clean. Streak is just a number.
Reasons I ended up relapsing:
I stopped visiting this forum. When I daily checked in, I stayed motivated after reading other people’s journals and challenges.
Extreme stress tricks mind to get some quick cheap dose of dopamine.
Ignoring minor triggers. Put a full stop before in every minor triggers arrives. even thoughts.
Wasting time due to overthinking leads to guilt, followed by more wasting time and suddenly you end up browsing some shits to feel good.
Thats somewhat tragic. Have a guard on your mind from now on. I always notice people having a terrible lifestyle for a few days after they relapse with a good streak.
In my opinion , Its not the first relapse that is most dangerous. Its the upcoming relapse that one needs to be concerned about.
These are the moment that matter. Everone can perform well during good times. Its these hard times that differenciates a hero from the crowd.
Your mind may trick you to go back to your old pathways by providing a justification that u relapsed. Its a trap. You have not lost your gains from No fap.
Think of yourself as a man who have worked out consistently 302 days without a break. Will u lose every gains on taking a day off ?
Approach No fap in that manner , Its frequent relapse that needs to be worried.
Update: I fucked up in NEET exam. I’m scoring around 520.
I was mentally broken and couldn’t deal with reality after exam, although now reviving.
In the last month I was scoring 460-495 range and I was kind of convinced that this time not gonna happen and started regretting my past actions. I was checking fb and saw other friends already engaged in some course and lots of ‘what if’ came to my mind. I also relapsed in the last month.
One thing more, I totally avoided ncert and focused on class note and PYQ only, also didn’t work on speed. I can solve 90% of physics paper but I couldn’t do it there due to time limit. These competitive exams play with time only.
I shouldn’t have left study challenge. I was studying way less due to stress and anxiety, after I left the challenge in the last two months and there was no tracking. I thought using forum and updating study hours would take my time up, instead I wasted more time in overthinking and worrying.
I wasn’t properly deciplined I guess. My sleep cycle was fucked up in last 2 months and had no proper bed time or wake up time. I always procrastinated revising short notes and inorganic chemistry. And the result is visible.
I’ll most probably try again and will target aiims.
I just managed not to relapse. Cause I’m so depressed and low that if i relapse just once now, thousands of relapse will follow up since I’m free and nothing really much to do now.
520 is actually a good score. But yeah depends on which state you are in. In my state you would have bagged a seat.
Whatever happens, don’t get disheartened, you gave your best, try again, start asap.
Passing is not needed, we need to be in merit to get a seat.
Like in gate exam cut off is around 30/100 but you won’t get any job until you score more than 65-70 (Range varies depending on competition level).
