Nothing much to write. Just this: I have begun. There is nobody other than me that can help myself. It’s hard. Moreover, I am alone. I couldn’t tell anyone in my family about this. Let’s just hope that this works. Everything else has failed. And yet, somehow I feel optimistic and hopeful. A strange gut feeling that tells me this time I’ll succeed. My initial target is 21 days. Let’s do this!
You can talk to us if you wish, we can’t judge you because we are going threw the same thing. Making a journal is a great first step on your journey , good luck immortal, we are in this together.
Thanks a lot for your support, Veritas. I feel much better already, knowing that I’m not alone in fighting this menace.
You will have support here mate
The first day passed away like breeze. Not many urges, no need to indulge. It’s encouraging how a single day without acting on my impulses can boost my confidence so much. The target is far away, but morale comes one day at a time. A small victory this is, for sure. After all, it has been a long time since I was sober for two days.
There are a lot of guys here, struggling, just like me. Lot of them have made extraordinary improvements.I have even seen here people going for months without acting on their impulses. That’s an inspiration. If they can do it, so can I.
But still, many questions remain in my mind. How does porn harm a person? What studies have been done on this subject? Is it really among the worst of all addictions? What are the symptoms and signs? Are the harmful effects physical or psychological , or both? How is it different from normal sex? It is of utmost importance that I research about this along with maintaining my sobriety.
I am also trying to pick up a habit of reading books on self improvement and learning new skills. A friend also recommended an app named Duolingo, which can help one learn and practice new languages. I have started on it and so far it feels good.
Looking forward to meeting my targets and making new friends here.
Thanks a lot, brother.
I like how you write your journal, to me journal is about asking your self questions and thinking on paper so to speak, glad your off to a good start and learning a new language is great. I started learning Italian four months ago, I’ve been off and on it but it is my heritage so I really want to learn it so I can travel to Italy one day. My advice is that the hardest part of learning a language is staying consistent, five minutes a day is better than three hours a week. Just have fun with it and eat lots of good brain food, fish, flax seeds and leafy green vegetables etc.
I am in Duolingo too, learning English and Japanese.
And about PMO effects on the brain see:
It is a humbling fact that when life really puts the pressure on you, you end up doing what you’ll regret later on. A severe fever had set in. I couldn’t breathe properly , had lost my appetite, my entire body aching and sweating. And I thought that A few moments of gratification would somehow make me feel better. I was so wrong. I lost a battle today.
It is clear to me that when you’re truly overwhelmed, when in stress or ill health, dampening of one’s determination is very much possible. Keeping a calm and rational mind during these times can be hard. So what is the solution to this problem? I would say that being in close proximity with your family would be the best. Nothing builds up resolve and health better than the presence of people who truly care for you. All thanks to my mother and my little sister, who came to tend for me as soon as I told them about my situation. I am feeling good already while writing this, and will be back to work within 2 days.
Lost one battle, but not the war.
Rest up and get well, bro!
Day 3 completed
Feels great to have completed 3 days. On most occasions, it is the initial period which is the most difficult. I seem to be more in control now as the urges are slowly subsiding. This is a good sign.
Although, nothing much has changed, this is a relatively short period and I am bound to see more improvements over time.
Holding streak championships is a fantastic idea, specially when country name is at stake. I have joined the ‘Reboot phase 1’ being held by Resurgent, an optimistic dude who has hosted many such matches before. Lots of guys such as me are in the competition, with our names and our countries displayed. This is truly a smart idea. Resurgent has even devised a " hall of fame" panel where the names of the victors will be displayed. Although I am not sure how he’ll do that, but I know I can trust this guy. There are more phases after this where original winners can compete for an even higher streak mark. Kudos to Resurgent for this wonderful idea.
Day 4 completed
It’s been a while since I made this streak. I still remember being on R tribe and going four days without pmo. My happiness knew no bounds. I had gone 4 days without acting on my impulses since maybe two years. It was a miniscule achievement compared to many heavyweights here and there, but it was still something for me to be proud of.
It was only when I had reached four days when I realized that I can make it. That I did possess a variety of control over my life, no matter how small. The feeling that I can overcome this addiction , a heavy burden by determination and willpower filled me with hope.
And now, when I have gone beyond this limitation multiple times to maintain bigger streaks and display more self control, there seems to be lesser satisfaction to it. Yet, it is still a momentary but memorable reminder of victory. And that I believe is a good thing.
Day 6 relapsed
Am I supposed to go feel sad that I lost again? Should I go and cry my heart out, playing victim and blaming all sorts for this blunder? Will that help me in any way?
I guess it won’t. Rather, it will restart that cycle once again. For seeking support and pity, I might once again give in to what I despise the most. The battle was lost today, but by a narrower margin. Hence, rather than drowning myself in sorrow and disappointment, it would be much more reasonable to figure out the cause of this failure and solve it.
Failure is temporary. One can always look forward to improvements.