Imaginator's Imaginary realm [16M] 🍁

The_Rising_One · April 29, 2025, 7:08pm

Appreciate your honesty , Now try to add checklist to your goals everyday and you’ll be a beast

Imaginator · May 1, 2025, 6:18pm

Mere toh lage pade ha Bhai yaar Aaj dubara school gya toh nayi musibat lgyi peeche isiliye me chutti krta hu itni kher summer vacations ka intezaar ha bus kuch din or sehlu mere toh lage hi rehte ha life me, aap btao apka kya haal ha girlfriend thik ha aapki?

Sholtro_Tenjerrot · May 1, 2025, 7:07pm

It’s common ig , thinking about going back to home after the lunch , and waiting for vacation when summer and winters arrive .

Why are you doing this brother ? Any issues? It drops your energy level as I didn’t eat anything for 26 hours recently due to some issues . Only laziness ! Everything alright ?

Great man , are you doing calisthenics only? Best wishes

Hmm , try to get vitamin k3 and magnesium and zinc too if you feel their deficiency symptoms . I took a supplement which had all these 5 vitamins and minerals. It was from Healthveda organics it was on sale that time.

Ben 10 challenge dekh lo negro

Imaginator · May 1, 2025, 7:09pm

I keep having this recurring dream. In it, I’m doing everything I possibly can to save my mom. I still remember that night so clearly—being in the storeroom, right beside the room where my mother lay lifeless on the bed. Thankfully, some of our relatives from my mom’s side were there—her mother, my uncle’s wife (maami ji), and my khala too. More relatives arrived the next morning. My father’s sisters were at the back of the house, but they hadn’t come to the front yet.

That night, I remember praying with everything in me—hoping for a miracle, like in the shows where someone comes back to life fully healed. But that didn’t happen.

In my dreams, it does happen. Sometimes I see us opening her grave and she’s still alive. Then she comes back home, spends her final moments with us. And I get that chance I never had. I still remember the last time I saw her alive—1st January, around 7 AM, before going to school for extra classes. The last chat we had was about her wanting to go to the hospital. I wish I had pushed her harder, argued more, done anything to make her go sooner. Maybe if I had fought her more when it mattered, something could have changed. But the signs showed too late. And deep inside, I keep blaming myself.

In those dreams, I go through my entire life—wondering if I had done this… if I had done that… would she still be with us? Whenever I see someone talk about cancer survival, or someone who recovered miraculously, I can’t help but think—what if we had done the same? Maybe she’d still be alive.

There’s so much that she taught me—everything, really. From cooking to washing to cleaning. She raised us with strength even while dealing with illness herself. I remember when I was about seven. I used to cry because of starvation. She was admitted in the hospital, my father was fully absorbed in her condition, and my father’s sister—the one who was supposed to help—would only cook for herself. She never once helped us. Instead, she used to blame my mother for making us do household work at such a young age.

But my mother, even from the hospital bed, kept worrying about us. She would call her own sisters and ask them to help at our home. Over time, my sister started learning how to cook, and eventually I did too. Life was never easy for us.

My mother had one constant wish—a good house where we could all live peacefully. She used to ask my father to build one, but he never really cared. We lived in our grandfather’s house—small, broken, and too old. It had a big ground in the front, one room, a kitchen, toilet, and bathroom. And when it rained, the sewer water would fill the ground up. She always dreamt of a better home. Even I used to feel ashamed of it. I never invited any friends over because of it.

My father’s friends would always say that there was a time this house was once the biggest and most luxurious in the area. But now, it looks like nothing more than a haunted junkyard. I promised my mother I would fulfill all her dreams. I used to tell her, “You want a house? Just wait. When I grow up, I’ll give you much more than that.”

People used to see me as a genius. Wherever I went, I picked up things quickly. I never had to work too hard to learn anything. That made me lazy. Things started feeling boring. I kept thinking, If I can do this without trying, then imagine what I can do with a little effort. But time passed, and eventually I even stopped trying.

And now… all of that—my promises, my dreams, her dreams—they all come to me in dreams.

In real life, I don’t feel anything. I don’t even miss her now. I don’t feel alone. I don’t cry. I just go on with life. I’ve never been the type to get emotional or attached. I don’t care where people are or who is around. I like staying alone. I act dumb sometimes around close friends, but deep down, I’m a serious person.

But in my dreams… it’s like I become someone else. I cry badly. I regret everything. I thank her, I miss her, I break down near people who are listening to me. Sometimes I even feel like I’m crying in my sleep. I get scared that maybe I said something out loud in real life, or cried in reality—but every time I check, nothing. No tears. No sound.

These dreams keep coming. So often now. And honestly… they’re nothing more than unnecessary thoughts. They make me confused—confused to the point where I question: Is she alive? Or was the funeral real? They shake me up, but only in my sleep. In reality, I don’t feel anything.

She’s gone. But only my dreams keep pretending otherwise.

Awaken_one · May 1, 2025, 7:20pm

I don’t blame ya for school.

School is obsolete, yes it teaches you well. But now, with everything shifting it’s not much more than a level 1 training camp.

There is much more layers to life now-a-days.

Enjoy your life I would say, when it’s right time, you will eventually sort everything out

About being alone, get a gf Who pays for your Momos.

Btw how much is the price of Momos at your side?

Imaginator · May 9, 2025, 3:54pm

Diary Entry – 9th May

Every time I meet someone lately, all I hear is, “How did you become so black?” or “Weren’t you fair just a while ago?” And honestly, I have no words. Till February, my skin tone was light beige — normal. Now, I look in the mirror and even I’m shocked. I didn’t notice the change until people kept pointing it out.

I know what caused this. My sleep schedule is completely ruined. I’ve been spending hours under the sun with no sunscreen. I don’t eat properly either — some days I eat only once in 24 hours. I do feel hungry, like really hungry every few hours, but when I try to eat, I feel like throwing up. My brain feels blank all the time. I’ve also been relapsing every four days, and I know that’s messing up my mind and body even more.

Because of all this, my skin has turned into this reddish-brown, tanned, oily mess. Even though I bathe and smell like shampoo and soap, people think I don’t wash my face or that I’m dirty. That hurts. Some relatives even joked, “Did you get grilled?” and some classmates look at me like I’m unhygienic. It’s humiliating. And the worst part? I don’t even feel like myself anymore.

I want to fix it. I’ve bought some basic meds — Vitamin D 60K IU sachets (one per week, total of 4), 15 tablets of Calcium 500mg + Vitamin D 250IU, and 30 multivitamins. Gonna start fixing my sleep schedule too, and get back into exercise.

For my skin, I’ll start with Sebamed cleansing soap (pH 5.5) — ChatGPT recommended it. And later, when I save up enough, I’ll buy sunscreen. No point doing a DeTan treatment like my friends suggest if I can’t even protect my skin afterward.

Also, today I gave an interview for my Tourism subject’s On Job Training. It felt more like an inspection, but I did my best. The OJT classes will start again this summer vacation. They’re also starting remedial classes from 7:30 to 10:30 am — but I’m definitely not attending. They want a No Objection Certificate, and I’m not giving it. The teacher just makes us copy the book anyway — it’s a waste of time.

Until July 1st, I’m free. I plan to finish my 12th syllabus by then.

Tomorrow, I’m going running again with my friends. Another friend added me to a cricket group, so I’ll bring them all together so we can play from 6 am to 10 am. Sunday, as always, is for football.

Yes, playing under the sun has made my skin worse. Yes, my habits are partly to blame. But when I’m playing with them, I feel alive. Even though I’m not good at sports, I enjoy it. I laugh, I live. When I’m alone, I feel like I’m just existing — like I’m trying to pass time, not truly live.

That’s all for today. Thanks for sticking with me, diary .

Awaken_one · May 9, 2025, 5:49pm

Tanning is not bad. Just make sure you don’t wash your face with water after being in sun. It causes tanning to stay longer than usual.

Even putting water on any body part after sun tan causes tanning to stay longer. This is my take and experience.

Reason being, putting water on tanned cells hydrates them and makes the tan stay longer.

What you can do instead is, drink water, plenty water to hydrate first after being out playing with your friends,
Then exercise to sweat at your home and shed these cells daily.
You will get your natural skin colour in two weeks.
Smooth bright skin. And bath afterwards these exercises routines. Usually works best in evening.

Secondly, Don’t use soap for now on your face. Use only once at max per day on face. Instead wash your face with rose water or scrub daily so that facial cells don’t get damaged from your soap wash when removing tan.

Sholtro_Tenjerrot · May 9, 2025, 7:15pm

Racism

~~(deleted a joke rn)~~

Try adding nuts , seeds in your diet to and have vitamin C rich food like lemon or Amla juice (natural one) , and you can also add boiled eggs (if you don’t have any allergy or something from it) they have biotin and protein , good for your skin.

Best of luck for your plans and take care of diet . And buy sunscreen asap .

_TIGER · May 10, 2025, 3:01am

Don’t believe on chatgpt. You can consult doctor if you have oily skin bro. Without consultation don’t take any medicine or vitamin or anything.

_TIGER · May 10, 2025, 3:01am

Drink plenty of water it’s in your hand.

Imaginator · May 10, 2025, 5:48pm

When I was 6, I read or maybe listened somewhere that a person should drink 10 liters of water daily. After that, I became obsessed with water. Till now, I drink so much water that I stay overhydrated. Although it’s a different case in school, where I get the urge to drink water (I have an addiction to drinking a lot of water every few minutes—at least 3–4 times an hour), in school there’s a shortage of water, that’s why I have to stay without drinking it.

And some time ago (it’s been a year), I got to know that overhydration can cause organ damage. That’s why I’m trying to limit it too. Currently, I’m drinking it in the right quantity—maybe a little more—because sometimes my urine is crystal clear due to overhydration.

As for vitamins, doctors do recommend them when I visit government hospitals. I have a severe deficiency—maybe that’s the reason why my height hasn’t increased much. But still, it’s not bad. Despite having severe calcium deficiency from childhood, I still managed to get to 5.7 ft . Gonna get taller.

As for soap, I visited a medical store where the person showed me a Vitamin E, glycerine, and aloe vera soap—but that was a little out of my budget (I was short by 20 rupees, so I didn’t buy it). That’s why I ended up purchasing Pears glycerine and lemon soap. Thanks for the advice

Bro, I don’t have any problems with jokes—instead, I enjoy them. I would’ve been glad if you had added that!

As for racism—here, in my family (mother’s side) and surrounding friends, everyone is just so handsome and beautiful. Even in my top condition, I look normal. Even in school—tf—my surroundings are full of beautiful faces, including my siblings.

My younger brother looks like a Britisher—he had golden hair and brown eyes (which turned brown now), and my sister is so fair. Tbh, I don’t have any problem with how another person looks. I have a problem with myself—that I don’t fit in . Also, the most frustrating thing is, it would be better if I was completely black or white. I am neither. Instead, when I get tanned, I look reddish-brownish—like a dirty kid. Being in between is so bad .

My father makes a shake of dry fruits. I drink that two times a day, daily (he was a pahalwan wrestler, so he makes a shake mix of almonds, walnuts, and figs and of many more other stuff. That’s what I drink—it’s kept in the fridge in a big pot ). It’s not that tasty. I’ve been drinking it since childhood—I’m tired of it now. First, I drank it for 2 rupees’ temptation, then for 10 rupees. Now they don’t give anything—just scoldings if I don’t drink it .

Yes, I can check for Vitamin C. I’ll buy lemons and start drinking lemon water daily .

I have no money left for sunscreen. I spent it all on buying stuff, food, snacks, and roaming around . (I’m broke—please donate your kidneys to me so that I can sell them, Bhairatashri ). Thanks for the advice.

Bhai, haan, it’s not bad if it’s one even color. But here—my whole face turns red . I start looking dirty.

I was washing my face directly after coming back from outside every time—with Lifebuoy soap (I know TFM is low, but my father bought 50 soaps, as he always does. So instead of buying a good one, I used the free ones at home. But today morning, I finally used the last ounce of my money on Pears soap.)

I already sweat a lot outside. What’s the need to sweat at home? Will it make any difference? Anyway, since you said so, I’ll conduct a second workout at home again.

I have oily skin—a very oily one. I need to wash my face every time before going out. As for rose water, I’ll purchase it the day after tomorrow when I get some money from my uncles (mom’s brothers). We’re visiting them—my aunt invited us. It’s a perfect time to arrange some funds.
Thanks for the advice

Imaginator · May 15, 2025, 4:04am

Today I feel a mix of reflection and determination. Looking back over the past month, I’ve made some visible improvement in my NoFap journey. From 15 April till today, I relapsed on only 8 days. That means I was clean for 22 days — that’s a big step forward for me. I even managed to hit a 7-day streak, my longest one so far, and my last streak before relapsing was 5 days. I was so close to hitting the 6th day, but I gave in.

What I’ve noticed is that most of my relapses happen late at night — between 12:30 AM and 2:00 AM. I stay on my phone until it dies, and I eventually pass out from tiredness. This keeps happening because I haven’t been channeling my energy anywhere. I’m not doing anything productive these days. I even stopped running again. Although we made a plan to start on Friday, it just faded away after playing cricket on Saturday and football on Sunday. After that, neither I nor my friend made any effort to get back on track.

But instead of focusing on what I haven’t done, I want to start working on the solutions. The truth is, 5 days of NoFap while doing nothing is equal to maybe 2 meaningful days where I actually push myself — mentally and physically. That’s why people with shorter streaks sometimes show more growth than those with longer ones. It’s not just about the number of days; it’s about what you do during those days.

I came up with a simple example: Imagine your full potential is 80, but you’re currently operating at 30. If your recovery or growth rate is 20% of your current limit every 10 days, you’re only recovering 6 points every 10 days. It’ll take a long time to reach your potential if you stay at that level. But if you challenge yourself daily — push your limits physically with workouts and mentally by learning or even by playing games that make you think — then your current limit starts to grow, and your recovery speed grows with it. That’s when real progress happens. That’s when you start becoming more than you ever thought you could be.

For me, there’s no such thing as a “prime.” My goal is to be better than I was yesterday — every single day. I want to enjoy this journey of self-growth.

Starting tomorrow, I’ll go running again in the morning. I’m also going to fix my sleep schedule and make sure I’m in bed by 10 PM every night. I’ll try to study my academics daily until I finish my syllabus, and if time allows, I’ll explore other things too.

I also want to start earning money. This month, I’ll try to find something online. If that doesn’t work, then in June, I might try asking for jobs at local factories. It will feel awkward and uncomfortable, but I know that stepping out and facing the real world will give me the experience and communication skills I need. Still, I’ll try online options first. If the outside job route doesn’t happen, it might be due to fear or shame — something I’ll have to confront.

One day at a time. I know I’ll get there.

Me