Appreciate your honesty , Now try to add checklist to your goals everyday and youāll be a beast 
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Mere toh lage pade ha Bhai yaar Aaj dubara school gya toh nayi musibat lgyi peeche isiliye me chutti krta hu itni kher summer vacations ka intezaar ha bus kuch din or sehlu mere toh lage hi rehte ha life me, aap btao apka kya haal ha girlfriend thik ha aapki?
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Itās common ig , thinking about going back to home after the lunch , and waiting for vacation when summer and winters arrive 
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Why are you doing this brother ? Any issues? It drops your energy level as I didnāt eat anything for 26 hours recently due to some issues . Only laziness ! Everything alright ?
Great man , are you doing calisthenics only? Best wishes 
Hmm , try to get vitamin k3 and magnesium and zinc too if you feel their deficiency symptoms . I took a supplement which had all these 5 vitamins and minerals. It was from Healthveda organics it was on sale that time.
Ben 10 challenge dekh lo negro 
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I keep having this recurring dream. In it, Iām doing everything I possibly can to save my mom. I still remember that night so clearlyābeing in the storeroom, right beside the room where my mother lay lifeless on the bed. Thankfully, some of our relatives from my momās side were thereāher mother, my uncleās wife (maami ji), and my khala too. More relatives arrived the next morning. My fatherās sisters were at the back of the house, but they hadnāt come to the front yet.
That night, I remember praying with everything in meāhoping for a miracle, like in the shows where someone comes back to life fully healed. But that didnāt happen.
In my dreams, it does happen. Sometimes I see us opening her grave and sheās still alive. Then she comes back home, spends her final moments with us. And I get that chance I never had. I still remember the last time I saw her aliveā1st January, around 7 AM, before going to school for extra classes. The last chat we had was about her wanting to go to the hospital. I wish I had pushed her harder, argued more, done anything to make her go sooner. Maybe if I had fought her more when it mattered, something could have changed. But the signs showed too late. And deep inside, I keep blaming myself.
In those dreams, I go through my entire lifeāwondering if I had done thisā¦ if I had done thatā¦ would she still be with us? Whenever I see someone talk about cancer survival, or someone who recovered miraculously, I canāt help but thinkāwhat if we had done the same? Maybe sheād still be alive.
Thereās so much that she taught meāeverything, really. From cooking to washing to cleaning. She raised us with strength even while dealing with illness herself. I remember when I was about seven. I used to cry because of starvation. She was admitted in the hospital, my father was fully absorbed in her condition, and my fatherās sisterāthe one who was supposed to helpāwould only cook for herself. She never once helped us. Instead, she used to blame my mother for making us do household work at such a young age.
But my mother, even from the hospital bed, kept worrying about us. She would call her own sisters and ask them to help at our home. Over time, my sister started learning how to cook, and eventually I did too. Life was never easy for us.
My mother had one constant wishāa good house where we could all live peacefully. She used to ask my father to build one, but he never really cared. We lived in our grandfatherās houseāsmall, broken, and too old. It had a big ground in the front, one room, a kitchen, toilet, and bathroom. And when it rained, the sewer water would fill the ground up. She always dreamt of a better home. Even I used to feel ashamed of it. I never invited any friends over because of it.
My fatherās friends would always say that there was a time this house was once the biggest and most luxurious in the area. But now, it looks like nothing more than a haunted junkyard. I promised my mother I would fulfill all her dreams. I used to tell her, āYou want a house? Just wait. When I grow up, Iāll give you much more than that.ā
People used to see me as a genius. Wherever I went, I picked up things quickly. I never had to work too hard to learn anything. That made me lazy. Things started feeling boring. I kept thinking, If I can do this without trying, then imagine what I can do with a little effort. But time passed, and eventually I even stopped trying.
And nowā¦ all of thatāmy promises, my dreams, her dreamsāthey all come to me in dreams.
In real life, I donāt feel anything. I donāt even miss her now. I donāt feel alone. I donāt cry. I just go on with life. Iāve never been the type to get emotional or attached. I donāt care where people are or who is around. I like staying alone. I act dumb sometimes around close friends, but deep down, Iām a serious person.
But in my dreamsā¦ itās like I become someone else. I cry badly. I regret everything. I thank her, I miss her, I break down near people who are listening to me. Sometimes I even feel like Iām crying in my sleep. I get scared that maybe I said something out loud in real life, or cried in realityābut every time I check, nothing. No tears. No sound.
These dreams keep coming. So often now. And honestlyā¦ theyāre nothing more than unnecessary thoughts. They make me confusedāconfused to the point where I question: Is she alive? Or was the funeral real? They shake me up, but only in my sleep. In reality, I donāt feel anything.
Sheās gone. But only my dreams keep pretending otherwise.
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I donāt blame ya for school.
School is obsolete, yes it teaches you well. But now, with everything shifting itās not much more than a level 1 training camp.
There is much more layers to life now-a-days.
Enjoy your life I would say, when itās right time, you will eventually sort everything out
About being alone, get a gf Who pays for your Momos.
Btw how much is the price of Momos at your side?
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Diary Entry ā 9th May
Every time I meet someone lately, all I hear is, āHow did you become so black?ā or āWerenāt you fair just a while ago?ā And honestly, I have no words. Till February, my skin tone was light beige ā normal. Now, I look in the mirror and even Iām shocked. I didnāt notice the change until people kept pointing it out.
I know what caused this. My sleep schedule is completely ruined. Iāve been spending hours under the sun with no sunscreen. I donāt eat properly either ā some days I eat only once in 24 hours. I do feel hungry, like really hungry every few hours, but when I try to eat, I feel like throwing up. My brain feels blank all the time. Iāve also been relapsing every four days, and I know thatās messing up my mind and body even more.
Because of all this, my skin has turned into this reddish-brown, tanned, oily mess. Even though I bathe and smell like shampoo and soap, people think I donāt wash my face or that Iām dirty. That hurts. Some relatives even joked, āDid you get grilled?ā and some classmates look at me like Iām unhygienic. Itās humiliating. And the worst part? I donāt even feel like myself anymore.
I want to fix it. Iāve bought some basic meds ā Vitamin D 60K IU sachets (one per week, total of 4), 15 tablets of Calcium 500mg + Vitamin D 250IU, and 30 multivitamins. Gonna start fixing my sleep schedule too, and get back into exercise.
For my skin, Iāll start with Sebamed cleansing soap (pH 5.5) ā ChatGPT recommended it. And later, when I save up enough, Iāll buy sunscreen. No point doing a DeTan treatment like my friends suggest if I canāt even protect my skin afterward.
Also, today I gave an interview for my Tourism subjectās On Job Training. It felt more like an inspection, but I did my best. The OJT classes will start again this summer vacation. Theyāre also starting remedial classes from 7:30 to 10:30 am ā but Iām definitely not attending. They want a No Objection Certificate, and Iām not giving it. The teacher just makes us copy the book anyway ā itās a waste of time.
Until July 1st, Iām free. I plan to finish my 12th syllabus by then.
Tomorrow, Iām going running again with my friends. Another friend added me to a cricket group, so Iāll bring them all together so we can play from 6 am to 10 am. Sunday, as always, is for football.
Yes, playing under the sun has made my skin worse. Yes, my habits are partly to blame. But when Iām playing with them, I feel alive. Even though Iām not good at sports, I enjoy it. I laugh, I live. When Iām alone, I feel like Iām just existing ā like Iām trying to pass time, not truly live.
Thatās all for today. Thanks for sticking with me, diary 
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Tanning is not bad. Just make sure you donāt wash your face with water after being in sun. It causes tanning to stay longer than usual.
Even putting water on any body part after sun tan causes tanning to stay longer. This is my take and experience.
Reason being, putting water on tanned cells hydrates them and makes the tan stay longer.
What you can do instead is, drink water, plenty water to hydrate first after being out playing with your friends,
Then exercise to sweat at your home and shed these cells daily.
You will get your natural skin colour in two weeks.
Smooth bright skin. And bath afterwards these exercises routines. Usually works best in evening.
Secondly, Donāt use soap for now on your face. Use only once at max per day on face. Instead wash your face with rose water or scrub daily so that facial cells donāt get damaged from your soap wash when removing tan.
Racism 
(deleted a joke rn)
Try adding nuts , seeds in your diet to and have vitamin C rich food like lemon or Amla juice (natural one) , and you can also add boiled eggs (if you donāt have any allergy or something from it) they have biotin and protein , good for your skin.
Best of luck for your plans and take care of diet . And buy sunscreen asap .
Donāt believe on chatgpt. You can consult doctor if you have oily skin bro. Without consultation donāt take any medicine or vitamin or anything.
Drink plenty of water itās in your hand.