During these past few years I have been doing nofap and have been consistent for very long time, and at one point in my journey I became celibate for nearly 6 months and relapsed, following this I became celibate for 110 days the following year. When I fell off that I ended up in a rut for a while and was relapsing then I picked myself up and was celibate for almost 2 months, since then things have not been the same, I haven’t been able to go more than a week let alone 3 weeks. I am practically jerking off nearly every day, and this feels like a new normal because I have sort of lost hope, this is just what I let myself do now. I am officially a coomer and I’m not afraid to admit it.The guy in my head who wanted live his life clean has disappeared somewhere and at the moment does not want to be found, just wants to be left alone, because right now he doesn’t know what he wants, ive been looking everywhere for him but he still remains missing, I know he is out there somewhere, but chances are he is not ready to be found yet because he needs time to figure himself out, when he is ready, I will welcome him back with open arms. At this crucial time in my life, I’m currently in this coomer state and I’m not sure if or when I will start nofap again, but it’s only a matter of time before I figure myself out and decide what I want. But for now I still view masturbation as a normal part of me that is healthy, it’s going to take alot of convincing to get me to do nofap again.
This post is a cry for help, bro. You’re not in a good place. Some part of you is reaching out, asking for support to defeat the coomer who is currently running and ruining your life.
What you’re experiencing is normal after falling from a high streak and struggling to get back to where you were before. You have seen it many times in others. We go inactive, we delete our accounts, we disappear. We give into despair and brokenness. Some brave souls remain in the community and keep trying. They haven’t lost hope.
Hope is the only thing that you have, you can’t throw it away. Trust me, I know how painful it is to feel like a hollow shell of your former self. But giving up on that beautiful dream of self-development and transformation is not the answer. Killing your dreams will not make you feel any better. Instead, you’ll be settling for a life of misery and dissatisfaction.
We need to evolve beyond the concept of streaks. The progress is not lost simply because your daycount is back to zero. You are still the man who achieved over 5 months clean, who made progress physically and mentally and began a new vision for his life. It’s painful to learn that the best version of ourselves still wasn’t enough, but we have to accept that in order to move forward. By going back to living as we did before those achievements, we are pretending to be something we’re not. Life as an impostor will never be a happy one. A lightbulb’s purpose is to illuminate. You are supposed to shine, the darkness doesn’t suit you.
The beautiful thing is that there is an even better version you haven’t met yet. He is stronger, more emotionally mature and capable of meeting the challenge that other version of you struggled with. To become him takes hard work, discipline and focus. You will need to become smarter and expand your comfort zone. Life will need to change. However, if you commit to being a coomer, you will never meet him.
When we go from high streaks to daily acting out, our brains have experienced some rewiring and the dopamine receptors are more active. The pleasure chemicals flood our brains and we wonder how we’ll ever be able to stop this when it ‘feels so good.’ We’ll stop because pleasure is not happiness. The more pleasure you seek, the less happiness you’ll find. Happiness cannot be achieved on a path where you’re not following your purpose. Pleasure is easy, but happiness takes work. And pleasure always leaves a sour taste, a sense of shame and regret.
You deserve to be happy, brother. You deserve to meet that future version of yourself. You’ve been through enough pain, don’t pile on more. Coomer is an insult for a reason. Even the deepest coomer wishes he could wake up tomorrow and have no desire to continue. It’s not a life to pursue.
Take one small step towards that future man today. Let him know you believe in him, that you want to welcome him back. Words are not enough, actions matter.
Such nice words. Thank you for writing these.
Thanks man, they were some very good words.
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