Its been a long time that i have been losing in every aspect of life , and i Don’t know why.
From smallest things like a cricket match to bigger things like my health, mentallity, emotional status. And i don’t know why is this happening.
Im not happy with myself no matter how much i pretend.
I feel scared while talking to people especially girls
I can’t remember my studies properly even after spending long hours.
I just cant figure things out, and i have been desparately trying to get out of this phase since many years
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Let me ask a question
Is it by any chance you think your pmo “addiction” is the cause of this all ??
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To a large extent yes. But now I don’t think PMO has caused me all of these problems because even if i am in a good streak, still im the same person who feels afraid and keeps losing.
I have anxiety related issues , but last time i went to visit doctor he scolded me.
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In my circle im constantly being told that i am not good enough , this thing has continued for several years . some of my friends think i am living a miserable life.
People ignored me most of the times,
I take small things to seriously ,
Its becoming too hard for me to cope with all these, sometimes i just wanna go back to my childhood
At this point i just want Atleast a small win in something
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Well , this is a problem in itself
Why ??
Because it’s not the cause
It’s your negative thoughts that made you think like that
Now this is a good thing
You need to separate pmo from all the surrounding problems you have
You cannot put all the blame on pmo addiction
Because i know people who fap regularly but still are successful in their life and can face people
In their mind , they believe that this pmo problem has nothing to do with all the other problems
And that’s good because if they relapsed they know this failure has nothing to do with other things in life
Separating your pmo problem from the other problems must be done or else relapsing will cause to destroy you totally
Now this is the cause i believe
If i told you that i am like you ( don’t mean the exact typical life you have )
Let me say my condition is similar to you
I did have anxiety issues
But this all was a thought in me
After i got fucked up pretty badly in the last 3 years
I told myself why caring about it that much
Nothing deserves to care about too much
I already fucked up what will happen more after this
Let me just do it and stop thinking of the consequences or the looks of peopek in me
I lived my life working to make people look up to me and to prove myself to them and totally neglected that i need to trust myself before others can trust me
People like the confident person that even if he fails he still believes he can succeed
The looks of people to him doesn’t mean anything to him
Fuck people , i only need myself to believe in
I may seem a little harsh in this
But that’s what pushed me from anxiety zone
I still have pretty much to tell but i think this is enough
Not everyone will understand you
You should predict that before you tell him
Not everyone will appreciate the pressure you are on rn except you
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Yeah bro 
I don’t know how to do even the simplest things properly. I don’t whether it is anxiety or brain fog but it keeps me away from learning new things.
I don’t know how to do things properly or where i need to improve , how can i improve, how can i manage , how can i not compare myself with others, how can i maintain my studies while engaging in other things, and if i am doing right things or wrong .im filled with these thoughts and stuck in the same place
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Some solutions that are worthy of your attention -
- Practice Gratitude meditation
- Begin to do some positive acts in the morning (making the bed, setting/washing the wash basin)
- Realise that your ‘social image’ is a reflection of your self-belief
- Realise that result is not everything (be it in bigger playground of life or smaller playground of recreation)
- Recognise the purpose of life and the also the purpose of every act that you do (for example - playing cricket with friends must make you fit and help in reducing the stress of life. If it is not helping in that consider taking a break from this recreation and pursue something else like chess or badminton)
- Be yourself and also understand that not everything is worthy of improvement or attention. Improve one thing at a time and work on building your self-confidence.
- Even No-fap journey is a reflection of self-belief. The more you believe that you are capable of living without it, the more stable you will feel. However, just maintaining a streak will not fix ‘everything’. Of course, a good streak equals ONE thing settled in life. And that confidence can aid you in improving the other aspects of life.
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Why are we laughed at when we do something stupid?
Why did my perents got angry when i got 2nd rank when i was in 2nd grade?
Why am i not able to do the things which my friends do sooo easily?
Why does our teachers always keeps telling that you have to know everything they teach and if I don’t im stupid?
Why people are so obsessed with success? Why do i think i won’t be happy untill i become successful,?
In college why it is seen that people with girlfriends are winning in life while not deciding to have one is weird?
Is there any way to get rid of my anxiety or atleast be able to manage it? Or atleast gain some confidence in myslef? What should i have to do for that?
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I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings and the real struggle, but it’s okay, things will be okay and all your questions will be answered in time.
I suggest calming down, and thinking through one thing at a time.
Not just with pmo, but all the questions we have, if we are genuine in our asking, we can find the answers.
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Bhai tum bahot ache ho, sabka khayal rakhte ho. dhyan rakhte ho. I won’t say it’s a bad thing but don’t make it your weakness.
Tum bahot overthink karte ho ki dusra kya sochega, don’t give a fuck about those who think your life is a misery, alright.
Agar tumhe lagta hai ki tum loss mei ho, toh khone ko toh kuch hai he nahi, why are you overthinking. It’s your age to take risks, jitna zyada sochoge utna kam risk loge. Time nikal jaega dusre kya bolenge ye soch sochke aur fir regret hoga Maine kyu dusro ki baton pe dhyan dia. Work karo, mast, dusre ki parvah Mat kro kya bolega. Log waise bhi shuruwat mei mazzak he udate hai. Tumhe tumhare jaise log milenge journey mei kabhi na kabhi, tab tak work on yourself so that when you meet those people you add value to them.
It’s all about confidence. Abhi tumhara confidence down hai kyuki tumhe lag raha hai dusre log kitne better hain. But reality is skewed.
Apne physical health pe work karo, it directly affects your mental health.
Jaha tak study ki baat hai, I highly recommend this video, it will help you alot.
About girls, they will just distract you. You can talk to them, eventually but don’t waste time on them okay.
Talk to a few you like, fuck up and find out, it’s your age, there is nothing to loose. Abhi tum jin ladkiyo se Dr rhe ho baat kerne mei, you will meet 100 times better looking girl in future, so see it that way.
Other girls, who you won’t talk to, they will naturally get attracted to you when you don’t give a fuck, so it’s a bonus.
Agar waise koi decision lene mei dikkat ho Rahi hai to yaha humse puchlo.
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It’s all stereotypes bro. From cinema to media, it portrays only those who are successful and more than that they say where there is success, there is happiness.
If you don’t have success, you don’t have happiness. Also the college scenario is also a byproduct of this. Movies and media show them a lot. Makes us to think about living such a life and ending up like thinking this.
But we can’t blame them as it is their business to earn profit and gain customers and subscribers. We should be self aware. I am still having the thoughts which you mentioned. People around us stuck in a conventional thought to be perfect.
So they also wanted you in. But that is real tragedy. You only know what makes you happy. You only know about yourself. So focus only on you. Keep your circle small.
Make sure your circle is of like minded people and those who understand you and those you understand. And don’t fear speaking with girls. It seems you are grown saying that speaking with girls is not a cup of tea of good boys. Or else again, a stereotypical fear would have gripped you.
But remember bro. You are amazing. Don’t fear unless you commit a sin. People say to face everything. But don’t. All problems don’t deserve your attention. Fix the right ones you will be satisfied.
Never ever degrade yourself bro. You are amazing!!!
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Cause those who laugh at you try to look cool by doing so. It’s psychological. When you laugh at someone who did something stupid it’s like proving to others that you don’t do such a thing, thus sound more superior.
Because the know you can do better. It’s because you can. It’s because they love you so much they want you to be the best, where you deserve to be.
Every professional was once an amateur. Even if they convinced you otherwise. Until you work as hard as those you admire, don’t explain away their success as luck.
Because they either want to show their areas of strength on students, or that exams could be based on anything they tough in class, even verbally. It depends on the kind of teacher.
That’s human nature. Only results are seen in this world, all that had gone before, all that hard work you might have faced is neglected. This is our world and we have to coupe with it.
Because you made your self think that way. The truth is, you see success as perfection. You know, like having the wife you want, a decent house and car, the best well-paid job, etc … While you can find happiness in the small areas of your life, in short moments with family and friends, or after a workout or successful day, or even after beating an urge to fap. Happiness is a mindset.
Having a girlfriend can be seen as a sign of success because it suggests qualities like confidence, strength, attractiveness, and possibly financial stability. Although I still haven’t went to college yet but it’s the same thing in my highschool. But I know few men who are older than me and told me that they never had any girlfriend in their lives and yet they married in their late 20s.
In my opinion, not having a girlfriend doesn’t mean you won’t get a wife once you grow up. But how you talk to girls does. Based on what you said:
You got to fix this problem and fast. Getting a girlfriend shouldn’t be your problem, it’s talking to people. You need to force yourself to start conversations and yes, experience being regected too. That’s the only way you learn.
I am no expert in happiness but I know it’s possible to create it. Whatever you do in life, there will always be reason to smile. Even if life doesn’t get you the gift you wanted, life is a gift in itself. The small successes you make throughout the day, from waking up early, with a roof above you, with your family around you, with food and water available, to improving by 1% from where you used to be, there is always reason to be grateful and happy.
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Honestly, it feels the same way for me sometimes, losing in life and all. Some days I am just down and it is hard to get back up. Failure is always around the corner
But as humans, we always get back up. No matter what bs life throws in your way, we get back up. It doesn’t have to be pretty or comfortable. We can learn from our mistakes and plan better.
Yes, to many success defines if you are happy. My question to you is: how do you define your own success?
Do you define it based on how other people think about you, like being a people pleaser? Or do you determine your own success and don’t give a crap about what others think about it? Do you set your own goals that are the best for you, or do you let others set them for you who don’t know you?
A lot of things are made by how you look at them as well. You cannot control the outside world, but you can controll how you react, think, and feel towards it. Will a bad test score put you into a bad mood or encourage you to study up and get better grades? Have a growth mindset, not a fixed one.
As for girlfriends, I think that the majority of young men honeycoat them. I am not saying they are a bad thing, but when one looks deeper, she can be another thing on anybody’s plate to worry about. I am talking from experience, and I thought about her way more than I should have and took more important things less seriously. There are always two sides to every coin.
For now, I would just focus on doing those tasks, like making up my bed, eating well, working out, reading, etc.
I am sorry about the anxiety, I do not experience it. Stay strong and persevere!
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Completely abstain from pmo and bro start eating pure desii ghee 1spoon empty stomach in early morning
Yoga for better brain .
For study make a revision schedule
Understand forget curve of brain
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Your reply is good you are correct I think I should also take this advices Thank you.
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