I'm being dis-functional

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Every day I struggle to do any work, at the end of every day I’m desperate to find something that can move me. I hate myself for not being this self driven human, I even think of hurting myself do anything that could push me to do the work.

I’m always either feeling down, overwhelmed, or actually sick, but it all translates to “I’m not doing the work”. I try to forgive myself at the end of the day, and promise myself that tomorrow I’ll do the work, tomorrow I’ll do better.

Honestly idk what to make of myself, I have zero respect for myself, every day I wake just as beaten as the day before and circumstances are never perfect. I failed to make the smallest commitment toward myself.

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Do you go to your place of worship everyday?
Silly question and out of context I know but do answer.

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Bro u should find your ikigai. It means a work that u love, that pays u and which is beneficial for others.

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@Awaken_one I’m Christian, I go every Saturday to church, but I’m not really in the mood for it, I just must go. I’m sick of praying for years I didn’t get any better as a person, I don’t change for the better.

@Lord_Inosuke , my last semester at uni, but I’m doing absolutely nothing. I work in music center it’s great, but my life itself sucks. I was looking forward to teaching math in schools.

I have zero drive ,

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What’s your current relationship with p? Using daily or not using?

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When I’m depressed, once a day

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I’ve alot of acquaintances but not actual people around that actually would stick with me on my bad times. thank God for my mother, But still I wouldn’t test her limits how much she can bear we me, she’s the best person I have

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For myself, I’ve found that the biggest destroyer of my motivation is p.
After a significant amount of my time not using it starts to come back.
Right now I’m in the same place as you with motivation because I’ve been in a rut of relapse.
I discussed it on my journal

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I believe everything would be better if my father ever acted as a father, since we are always in the face of each other, he takes the energy of all the house. He’s a good person but terrible father, I think I need a father figure.

And people always just push me to move away, kinda to ease the pain from being around my father I need to pay loads and give up the rest of the family, it’s either put up with my father’s shit and live depressed or leave and be slave of the money and lose the rest of the family alongside my father

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Get married and you will get a father figure in law lololol

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