Hello, I’ve been here more than 2 years, join at my darkest times for then, my very first streaks were 35 and 62.
After that I wasn’t doing well, the past year my highest was 20 something, but i still relapsed plenty plenty plenty.
I’m still feeling lost, foggy, no motivation or purpose
I tried praying but in general I’m falling and getting away from God.
I took a trip with my best friend, my first trip ever, we are attracted to each other but we talked alot about it and agree not to do anything sexual, and we had many chances to so do and we turned it down, decided to keep it pure.
2 weeks before the trip i didn’t meet him at all, he was with his family, and apparently at this period he changed his mind, he turned 25 and decided to fullfil his sexual fantasies, and betray our promise and all agreement and talks and 5 years of efforts.
We went to the trip for full 9 days, same room 2 beds pretty close to each other, he kept pushing, unlike every other time I was the only one resisting and talking logic, for 5 days, until I broke, i couldn’t resist anymore. We did sexual activities,…I’m back from the trip, I can’t forget, or get back to normal, we will never be normal again. I won’t talk to him for a month, I’m not blaming him though, i blame myself as well.
Last time i had something sexual was 10 years ago at age 13, and it did put me in very dark place, and he knows that, and he knows im an addict, I needed every help.
Im wasting my time, got no purpose, drug myself with screens, and relapsing tons, i can’t
.