I got triggered at first, then I stepped away from the phone, I was so happy I overcame the urge and started singing and was very optimistic. Later on I’m on the pc, went and unblocked everything, searched for emojis in hopes of having a trigger, searched for key words, started searching and searching and most of the time, if i saw a trigger I immediately turn away, then keep searching on and on. Untill my tetastrone levels were high, and there was no turning away no more, I was at the point of no return, I made the mistake of using my pc again, telling my self it’s for "important " things. Now on, no use of pc whatsoever. Things can wait. I will get back to it on my 14th day. As reward. I made sure I blocked everything and Changed the password to random things. I deleted history and I’m here now, had blue balls just before relapse, felt depression and felt like I was drunk, headache started. And I’m trying out monk mode now. “If there ain’t a trigger there ain’t a relapse” as my friend would say.
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