It is not because you did not masturbate as a teen that addiction and relapse cannot happen, they do.
Have you read the Rat experiment? here is a link
So I am wonderfing, What kind of life style do you want?
Also, have you check with a doctor if medically you are good/sleep; depression…? Have you seen a therapist to address you experience with your father?
I’m 32. I never have been on a date. Never had intimacy experience with a woman.
The lifestyle i want is to have a girlfriend. I want to have freedom from my Dad so i am not reporting to him on everything I do every second of the day.
I should be able to have friends to hangout with.
I should not be prevented from experiencing new things and breaking my comfort zone.
Instead nothing ever changes, I have no control over life decisions. My Dad always make major decisions.
I want to make my own decisions.
Question 2:
No.
Question 3:
Psychological professionals can’t change my environment. Plus they are very expensive.
My Dad has always been against talking to a therapist because he says they mess up your mind.
Bro, your dad is a bit behind, don’t let him hold you back
My dad doesn’t like therapist, I’m seeing one, it’s long process and expensive, if you go there you need to be ready to give it time and trust the process. Find a therapist make sure you’re comfortable to this person after few meetings…
1.You need to go out of your comfort zone
2.Dont try to be perfect, be yourself
3.commit to activities with people, not at home
4.make your own decisions, your dad won’t like it, but sooner or later you will have to make them by yourself,
I never had intimacy with girls, but deep inside I never really wanted that. I’m gay myself, you’re not, you need to become independent person, I mean be your person, plan your life live your life, your parents don’t have to like it.
Effects of NoFap doesn’t come majorly from the acts itself but from the mentality behind the act. It requires discipline and when you are disciplined in the long run, you become more confident, and confidence attracts people.
How long do you exercise? How many reps? How much do you weigh? What’s your BMI?.
All this questions are necessary as I feel that you are probably not exercising enough and CONSISTENTLY to get muscles. You also might not be controlling the what you eat. Basically a tad bit indisciplined with your routine?
Interacting with females involve tactics bro. If your facial looks is probably a 9/10, guess what? You need to also know how to converse and be damn confident. Get a good fashion sense and develop a principle you hold own too. For someone who’s father makes most of decision for him, you aren’t probably that confident and most ladies don’t like that kind of energy.
Have a goal or purpose and let your dad know. He may object against it but it’s your life. Focus on it and if he sees you are serious about it. He will support you and if he doesn’t, guess you gonna have to do it alone.
I felt this for a long period of time and I still do sometimes. What helped was getting something to do and focusing on it. Getting a sense of purpose. When I wake up , I know what I was want to do that day and I don’t wade through the day just like that. So when I sleep, I sleep with the sense of having accomplish something that day. Also try to sleep at least 6 hours. If you want to be extreme 5 hours but never below 5 hours.
I don’t exercise. Weight is 200 pounds. BMI 25. Height is 6ft 2 in tall. Age is 32.
I am a picky eater. Always have been. You may say I am not disciplined, because i only eat what I like.
Plus where i live (zipcode 12855) there isn’t much of anything for miles. Closest Wal-Mart is 40 minutes away.
No single women here either. I tried online dating and only got those who want money.
I have no fashion sense. I wear jeans at work and sweat pants at home.
My Dad also has dialysis 3 times a week and many doctor appointments for different other problems. He had his toe amputated and has been sleeping on the couch since February. My mom takes him to his appointments and treatments.
He demands all my time with him because he has no friends up here. So, i don’t get to have a life because of emotional clinging and manipulation.
My Dad does not want me to date because if I did, I would be spending my free time with someone else.
My life has barely changed since I was 16. Plus for 3 years of high school, he homeschooled me.
I only get 6 hours of sleep anyway.
I have no purpose for my life. I keep asking God to tell me what it is.
Finding purpose isn’t something you wait on for me.
I know people say purpose is something you must enjoy or have passion for.
I don’t think so. I think it’s just doing what’s needed in the world right now.
You might be praying to God about it and waiting but God might actually want you to figure it out yourself. Your purpose might be something as simple as increasing your income to a certain amount by a certain year.
Pick something, totally focus on it. You can actually drop trying to date or have friends. Have value first and it will attract people like moths to flame.
It’s not going to be easy, but it will help your social life.
One thing im focused or starting to focus on is managing my finances.
This month of April just ending, I started looking at my 52,000 dollar college debt.
My payments restart in December. Until then, I can pay off or pay down any group i choose to pay down this debt.
I started with the highest APR of 6.8 percent. There were 2 groups associated with this APR. A 4800 dollar group that i paid down to 58 dollars and a 9500 group that i just this past weekend paid 1600 toward.
I hope that you think that this idea is a good start.
Taking ownership of your finance is wonderful, VortexKicker. Congratulation.
How was it for you to attend your finance and make payment?
I love what David 1997 wrote to you. I will add that In recovery celebrating every little success is important.
I agree about dropping the dating for the moment. Focus on yourself. Can you take care of yourself? Can you define what you want? Can you understand your inner process/world? Can you feel excite by somethings? Can you communicate your experience to someone (being vulnerable)… These will help you to attract someone in your life.
Regardingdiet, for me starting my day with drinking one glass of Celery juice, before my break fast juice every day or almost, eating more veggie, less meat, and not mixing carb and proteine (most of the time) has help with accessing more energy during the day. Celery is great for balancing blood sugar, and helped me to loose fat. Took a little bit of adjustment to it. But my craving for sweet is much much lower.
Exercising is great it helps me to lower the urges.
You refer a lot to your dad. I am sure you love him AND he has HIS life, he has his wife. You have YOUR life. You will be happier if you take ownership of your life and decide what YOU want to do. Are you willing to dissapoint others to be yourself? That really helped me.
Managing your finances is a wonderful idea to start really…
Focus on this and look for things you can add to it to contribute to your goal of managing your finances. Financial management is a good skill to have nowadays and it adds value to you.
Once you feel you have grown this skills to a particular level where it’s already part of you, then focus on another skill. It can be how to gain muscle or lose weight or stay fit.
Believe me…a physically fit man is a mentally fit man. Once you start completing a routine one by one…step by step…you fit accomplished and this confidence radiates from inside out.
Also, like @Renardeau03 said, you have your life man. Your dad is living his with his wife, your mum. Live yours bro. There are many ways to success and a happy life but I do know living your life for someone else begrudgingly is not one of them. It’s a sure road to longing unhappiness of you ask me. So live your life.
No one is asking you to abandon him. Love him, visit him, go explore other things, discover yourself. Balance it all out. Dont use time you could be using to improve yourself to be around him all the time. I hope you get me sir.