I made an error which brought back a bad feeling

#1

Folks, today I did good. I rode my bike through mountain bike trails. I had a unique experience. And felt great. But in a car ride, I made the mistake of putting on some music I probably shouldn’t be listening to. I knew this was bad and yet I just did it because its enjoyable. Usually when I listen to that stuff I feel remorse and feeling as if I had failed God. Music can be very powerful and usually that does something. Also, due to paranoia it brings some fears and usually that leads to fapping. I’m not saying I have an urge to fap, but I just feel remorse and fearful and sad. Would appreciate anything you would like to say good or bad but honest.

Would also like to ask @Ash_Matt @JonSnow001 @Sacred @Bashi since I’ve seen you four have honest answers whether it be good news or bad news.
Anything helps. Thank you.

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#2

Music is powerful

Agreed. Anyone who disagrees needs to listen to music.

Now, possibly why you wanted to listen was due to dopamine. Music gives you dopamine too.

Could you specify what genre you were listening too? If you don’t mind brother.

As a Christian, it’s better not to listen to songs with expletives, bad references and Satanic worship.
Unfortunately, when I work out, I used to listen to songs which were motivational, but had expletives in them. I shrugged it off when I began listening.

But the issue is, I don’t cuss. At all. So when I listened to these songs, eventually they began to play in my mind, and slowly the expletives too.

This was why I only listen to songs which have meaning now, which are not merely huge beats with expletives in between.

Besides, there’s always a spiritual difference the I can feel when I listen to genuinely Christian music.

@Yitzchak maybe you could state what genre you like and we could point out some good Christian artists there.

In the end, Oh be careful little ears, what you hear about sums it up.

Keep going brother!

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#3

@Ash_Matt
Thank you brother for your kind and quick response!! I am very grateful for you :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
I really enjoy listening to electronic music, mostly dream pop, electro house, synth pop/ future etc…
I usually do that because that is the genre I enjoy making music. There is this artist who his latest songs have been very inspiring and has positive messages (as I do not swear or listen to songs that swear). But everytime I hear his songs I get a terrible feeling. I know that before this new album he had made other albums that had some dark things in them. And so that also caused an issue.
I did listen to some christian artists like MercyMe or Citizen Way, but I still am finding more “synth type songs” since that is what I like to make too.

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#4

That’s cool!
EDM is my favourite genre too! Along with classical, of course xD
I have been listening to DJs disciple. He remixes NF, Tedashii, lecrae and some other :fire: music. His EDM remixes are really good. When you go to his YouTube channel, there should be a link to some other Christian EDM channels.

I agree, if he made dark music before, it would be advisable to stop. Music has a spiritual effect too.

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#5

I know. His new work so far hasn’t had anything that looks dark. But looks can be deceiving.
Everytime I hear it I get a bad feeling. But it’s just so catchy. It’s so hard. But God willing I will stop today. And trust in Him.
Thank you brother.

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#6

:joy: I can relate.

The feeling is probably God’s way of telling you to stop. Now, as Christians, because of Christ in us, demons cannot possess us, but they can oppress us, if we give them a medium.

Many people heavily into music that I know, including full time musicians, always say that ‘there is always something in Christian music that you can listen to instead’ and that it’s hard, not so many catchy tunes, and the like, but it’s worth it.

My favourite Bach quote goes here- The final end and aim of music should be none other than to glorify God and to uplift the soul
That’s why Bach always used to write Soli Del Gloria under all his sheet music (he invented the modern music notation)

That’s a good way to go. That’s also why I write Solo Deo Gloria in random places, from music, to art, to studies to poetry I write :joy:

#7

Its true!!! Its so catcy!!! XD
But I know, God is first.
I actually enjoy making music on my computer, and I do my best to glorify God. I’m just always concerned about the sounds as well.
(I.e. “Christian dubstep” sounds fishy)
When giving praise to God, if there is something in the sound. I usually try to remove it.
The problem is, since I really like synths I always try to make a “drop” and sometimes I wonder, is this not good? Or is it just a genre people are not used to.
It’s a struggle xD

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#8

If your conscience is telling you not to listen to something, then dont listen bro… Probably those negative feelings make you want to fap. Its the same for most of us. Fapping makes us happy, whenever there is some negative emotion, we immediately want to fap, to convert that into a happy feeling. But immediately after you finish fapping, you go right back to that negative feeling. So fapping doesn’t really work. Also, that’s now how things are supposed to work. If there is a negative emotion, we work on it, make our conscience clear and we move on… Its like for example… Lets say someone scolded you, you cant go to someone else and scold him to make yourself feel good right? You settle things with the one that scolded u and move on…

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#9

Hey brother,
Thank you a lot for your reply. Unfortunately, I read it a bit late as well.
I don’t really remember last night, but the desire came very strong. December is not a friendly month due to my past. Yesterday, I just thought of what things would be like once I found someone so I started imaging some random girl to be with. Thinking it was something innocent, but it lead to a tragic relapse which ended my streak… I lost the fight… but I’m not down. The war is won.
Thank you for your advice, and I will definitely take it. Thank you @JonSnow001

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#10

Drop? Are you kidding me?
If you made Christian EDM, you would literally save so many Christian teens from listening to meaningless EDM due to no Christian EDM.
Even though a lot is already there, if you can do EDM, and Christian @Yitzchak what are you waiting for?

For example, one of my favourite bands is Petra, since they showed that you could make epic rock and roll music that had amazingly meaningful Christian lyrics too!,

#11

I do enjoy it. I really do.
But so many things holding me back @Ash_Matt
Paranoia causes me to question every decision and so I end up wondering what to do.
I’ve been wanting to make music. But also these fap challenges are more difficult than I expected.
Everytime I relapse, I feel unclean so to speak. And so I dont end up doing anything until I’m clean by cleaning everything. And doing that over and over is very frustrating.
Last night I made the mistake of giving into my urges which caused me to lose my streak…
I’m not sure what happened. I guess I was holding a negative emotion inside which caused my thoughts of desire to spike. And so the urge became too strong and I relapsed.
I dont struggle with P, just the MO :frowning:

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#12

Not paranoia. Satan. Surrender yourself to Jesus and fight it. I used to have similar thoughts. But now I fight them with the Spirit.

Yep. Same here. Don’t relapse is one thing, but also remember that we can never be sinless. No man, no matter how much he ‘conquers the soul’ or ‘is a beast’ can actually conquer his soul or be a beast. Only Christ died for us, and we are saved by His grace and righteousness.

MO is bad, agreed. But with Christ’s help you can break free.

#13

Thank you @Ash_Matt
just wish it was easy :sweat_smile::sweat_smile:

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#14

It takes time, brother, but it gets easier.
For me too, the first week was horrible. Now on day 42, and urges that would have dropped me before are conquered through Him.

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#15

Hey @Yitzchak I can relate.

In the past, I would for example open youtube and look at music videos or listen to certain songs that had a very sexual connotation. In other words, it is some kind of edging behavior.

In those situations, I ask myself if that behavior is “safe” for me. See, the difference is I’m not asking myself “Is this porn?” or “Is this a relapse?” but instead I ask myself if that activity is safe for me. An unsafe activity makes you feel unwell, not true to yourself etc. The line between safe and unsafe behavior is different for everybody. Find out what works for you and refrain from doing unsafe activities. Don’t see it as a loss, instead as improvement because you are letting go of things that harm you.

Take care.

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#16

Thank you @Bashi
I will definitely avoid all those “triggers” thank you.
I try to be safe but sometime desire makes me believe certain things are okay. But I will be much more careful, thank you!! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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#17

I myself have fallen away from God recently so I don’t think my input here is warranted. Sorry, but the other posts brought up some good points.

#18

@Sacred brother,
We all sin. Sometimes too much. But we never fall away. We may stumble. But God helps us rise again. I’ll be praying for you.

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