Trying to come out of a season of marathon chatroom, porn, phone sex, and pic swapping sessions. It was ruining me and I was spending so much time talking to strangers I had no actual intention on meeting just to get off. It was getting so bad that I was starting to wander off into trans and gay stuff just out of sheer boredom with having seen or done most of everything else.
I know I need to stop. I know this is healthy. But I actually miss the stuff. I enjoyed it. It was fun, something to do, made me feel validated, and would help ease the crushing feeling of seeing extraordinarily attractive women/girls irl that I would literally hurt from knowing we’d never actually fuck. So now I’m stuck with being free and I know this is good for me. But it really really really sucks. There’s a huge part of me that will miss this and frankly, I don’t know what to do with my inability to not fucking lust in pain at every pair of legs I see. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just someone to tell because there’s just no one else I can talk to about it. I fantasize over strangers, my students, sister-in-law, celebrities, and other random women that I’ll never act on. I don’t know why and I know it’s unhealthy and will only make things worse in the long run. But I just feel like I’ll miss it. I already do on day 1.5. God help me, but I’ll miss it.
I guess so just needed someone to tell and there’s no one I know.