Trying to come out of a season of marathon chatroom, porn, phone sex, and pic swapping sessions. It was ruining me and I was spending so much time talking to strangers I had no actual intention on meeting just to get off. It was getting so bad that I was starting to wander off into trans and gay stuff just out of sheer boredom with having seen or done most of everything else.
I know I need to stop. I know this is healthy. But I actually miss the stuff. I enjoyed it. It was fun, something to do, made me feel validated, and would help ease the crushing feeling of seeing extraordinarily attractive women/girls irl that I would literally hurt from knowing we’d never actually fuck. So now I’m stuck with being free and I know this is good for me. But it really really really sucks. There’s a huge part of me that will miss this and frankly, I don’t know what to do with my inability to not fucking lust in pain at every pair of legs I see. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just someone to tell because there’s just no one else I can talk to about it. I fantasize over strangers, my students, sister-in-law, celebrities, and other random women that I’ll never act on. I don’t know why and I know it’s unhealthy and will only make things worse in the long run. But I just feel like I’ll miss it. I already do on day 1.5. God help me, but I’ll miss it.
I guess so just needed someone to tell and there’s no one I know.
I think everyone has some degree of reservation about walking away, hence the relapses.
But ultimately, some part of you knows that it’s better to steer clear. To search for an app, make an account and get involved in the community, there’s obviously a fair amount of desire to change too.
I don’t think what you’re experiencing is uncommon, but it is important to align with why you want to give all that stuff up.
Make a list - physical or in your phone- of reasons to quit/stay sober. Add to it as any new ideas come up and don’t make it triggering in any way.
As those reasons mount up I’m sure it’ll be easier to rationalise with the lust-driven version of yourself that at the end of the day: it’s not something you’re crazy proud about doing and it’s not gonna solve the problem you think you have with women.
Hopefully you can take from this in some small way or another .
I know the feeling. Yesterday I deleted my NSFW Reddit account. I’ve recently discovered Reddit and soon enough discovered the NSFW subreddits. A part of didn’t want to delete it but I knew it wasn’t a good thing to have. I’ve actually deleted my Reddit app and I’m not all that sure if I’ll ever download it again.
But I know looking at it and doing PM causes me to be unproductive, misogynistic and to be a bit of a jerk. So that’s why I am trying to quit.
I think you probably won’t but there’s a danger you might. It’s important to remember that before an action there is a thought. I came close to taking some sort of action on my fantasies.
I know the feeling of missing all that. Its tough, the feeling will resurface. I try not to dwell on it. I try to just tell myself “no” and then flee from it. I get my mind occupied with something else so I don’t keep thinking about it.
I’ve had the same feelings on many occasions, and they are hard to deal with. There are a few things to keep in mind:
You don’t enjoy using porn. You might think you do, because that’s what you tell yourself, but if you look deep inside yourself and are completely honest, the pleasure isn’t real. In all likelihood you’re just trying to numb pain/unhappiness/discomfort/boredom.
Chances are if you feel like you need porn, there are some deeper emotional needs that you are failing to meet. Try to find out what those are and try meeting them instead (if you can). You should find that the “need” for porn goes away when you do.
Porn is something we tend to use to fill the gaps in our lives. Try to remember what it is that makes you happy (other than porn) and fill your free time doing things that you really enjoy. The power of porn is much reduced if you fill your life with things that are meaningful for you.
I appreciate that I’m making all this sound easy - it isn’t. But it is possible, with time and persistence. One thing I can say for certain is that porn will never fulfil you, nor make you happy, nor make you feel complete. The best it can do is give you temporary relief, followed by much regret. Fill your life with something truly worthwhile, and you’ll soon find that “need” turning into just a “want” and then a “not really bothered”.
Mate, I get you. Really been in a very similar situation. I find acknowledging that we have a challenge that we have to overcome is a start. However, i do know that it takes a lot of effort to starve the deamon or desire. I use the term deamon, as i have realised that it does get better not giving in. Once it has a taste, it just grows. So, dont be too hard on yourself. If you are a religious guy, you may wish to pray for fortitude. I find it works for me. I wonder if you have considered monk mode? Its harder in a sense of changing ones routine substantially. However, the chances of relapse goes way down. Let me know how it goes buddy. I am glad you have found this app. Many good people here
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