thats something ingrained in me since my childhood. its deeply rooted and i wanna get rid of it because it has affected me in every aspect of my life. since i am on a road to improving myself in every aspect, this is the main thing thats left to improve.
and its very hard because i actually do not know how to build self esteem. i dont wanna rush because everytime i rushed in fixing this problem i felt hurt. and i feel hurt on daily basis!
if this problem gets fixed i can be truly happy again!
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Affirmations like this are a good way.
You affirm it to yourself immediately after you wake up in the morning.
If you are doing a difficult stuff, you can affirm at that time too. Like brushing your teeth with the non dominant hand or exercising.
Keep doing the difficult stuff (where you have to pay attention) and at the same time affirm whatever it is for you.
Another thing, remember that it will take time. It wonāt happen immediately. Iām on the same path.
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You can also affirm yourself when listening to a pumping song or something like that. Basically you need to affirm yourself when your brain pays attention, as I said before.
When your emotions are strong, at that time your brain pays attention the most and it will register the message strongly.
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is it okay to feel nervous in the begining? sometimes i really get anxious while affirming to myself, as if my brain doesnt accept it.
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Yes happens with me too. Iām on the same path and Iāve seen improvements.
Itās kinda scary to face your insides, but only you can face it. Nobody else will do it for you.
As goggins has said, that dark room in your mind of which you are afraid of, only you can go in and come out as the best version of yourself.
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Another thing to remember, you are not perfect. Nobody is perfect in the world. So donāt try to be perfect. Just try to be your best version ever. Thatās all youāll need.
That imperfect version but who isnāt scared of anything, and will fight whatever comes his way. Beating it or not isnāt the question. But facing it without being afraid is.
Or even if you are afraid, youāll face it. Because thatās where your self esteem comes in. You wonāt quit no matter what happens.
Just like this guy
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Our self-esteem is built around how we see ourselves in our own eyes. And of course, we are never perfect, not even near. Every person knows his or her shortcomings in life. The more you introspect and look for errors, the more you realise the problems you have with your own self. Those weaknesses lead to a negative perception of our own self. A negative perception of ourselves leads to low self-esteem.
Consider for example, your way of analysing my personality. Now you may see that okay this guy cannot be very productive for long, has not hit a lot of targets in life, not very rich, nor going to be in the near future, often talks a lot, more idealistic, less pragmatic and a little bit radical in certain stuff. But then, has good command over the language he deploys and many a time has a nuanced perception on the issues of life. Overall, my weaknesses might eclipse my positive side, or even cast a shadow of doubt on my positive aspects. This will lead you to creating a relationship of either equality or superiority with me in your head and your conduct will be likewise with me.
Kind of the same thing happens with ourselves. The more we see our negative side, the more we keep falling in our own eyes. Negative self-perception leads to low self-esteem. The solution then is not to eliminate the weaknesses. Of course, we do try and being on this forum is one sign of it, but then it requires a gentle hand on our own shoulder, telling ourselves, āThat okay buddy, you have your weaknesses, but you are a beautiful soul. You have things which many lack. Not that the traits you have are of the supreme quality, someone might be more charitable than you, more social than you, but then they would have their own share of weaknesses. You are unique and can exist in the world in your own way. It doesnāt matter if the people around you donāt approve you in entirety. Life doesnāt run on peopleās approval. Life runs on self-belief and a positive view of yourself. You are great, meant for greatness. Believe it!ā
This kind of affirmation is more positive than simply trying to make yourself believe that you are a certain kind of a person when you have never been so in last 20 years or so. That puts unrealistic expectations in front and a huge pressure, leading to subsequent guilt when you find yourself not acting according to that affirmation. So that becomes a self-torture and leads to more loss of self-esteem.
Sorry for a long message but thought of putting this perspective ahead. Self-compassion will lead to self-belief. Sometimes you might have to scold yourself but you cannot hate yourself for something. Be like a generous coach to a prodigy. The prodigy will have his or her weaknesses but you have to keep that person going on his way of strength and achievement, while keep working on the weaknesses in the rest of the time.
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Depends on what you want. If you have a goal to accomplish, and if you need those traits to accomplish that goal. Then yes, my type of affirmations work.
Dude has got exams, and he has to face that ugliness within.
You seem to be content in your life, but some of us arenāt. So we tend to push forward, even if it sucks. We know we are lacking in that area, and we want to be better. Thatās why my type of affirmations are necessary in that case.
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Brother I am not taking anything away from your way of affirming yourself. 
I just thought of providing an option for the same. And tried to show a process of how self-esteem is constructed and destroyed.
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Thatās not how it works. You have to not be afraid, as I have said before.
You have to affirm it but at the same time also have to think of it like a reward.
You know that you lack in those areas but you imagine yourself reaching your destination, and you keep relishing it until you make it your reality.
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Alright. I guess I got a little defensive. Happens sometimes. My bad.
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Apologies from my side too, for causing you this trouble. Could have written that without that slight comparative phrase. But didnāt think too much at that time.
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Just in case though, if you think my thought process is all about being hard, then thatās not true.
Iām actually trying to inculcate this verse in my life.
Which basically says that you just got to do your job, without worrying about the outcome.
Because in the end you are just entitled to the action, and not to the fruits of it.
You give your best, you do whatever it takes. You push forward ferociously as hard as you can, but in the end you do it all without worrying about the result.
That way, you are detached from the goal but yet so driven to just take it that you wonāt quit no matter what.
Indeed goggins has said the same thing in his book. He has admitted that genetic differences do count in athletic performance, but that was never the point. The point was that how far you are willing to push yourself. When you think that your limit is reached, but then you can give another thought, is this really your actual limit? Or can you do more? Can you push through that pain? Can you still hold your ground? Thatās how he did 4030 pull ups in 24 hours. He was tired, but he just did one extra. And then he did another extra. And he kept doing it. He pushed his limits without worrying about the outcome. In fact he had failed in his first attempt to break that record. He succeeded in the 2nd one.
In fact in this video, that guy gets his ā ā ā kicked. But was that the point? Obviously not. The point was that he is willing to face the odds no matter how big they are stacked against him. He says in the video himself, he knows that he has no chance of beating the monster. But itās not about winning or losing, itās about me taking you on here and now.
Thatās what we call āindomitable willā.
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yeah thats the mentallity im striving to achieve. and i also believe its one of the best ways to live in this world rn.
it would require time and patience but once we develop something like that we will be unstoppable
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Now Iām glad I said this. This previous post has given an insight to me.
I saw it when you said that it doesnāt matter even if you fail in the exam. You are just going to fight hard.
In fact I even highlighted that this is how a monster operates. A monster doesnāt care.
And I absolutely agree that it is one of the best ways to live. Maybe for me, itās āthe bestā way to live. It also keeps your conscience clear.
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this was the post 
And I recall a song I hadnāt listened for years, highlighting exactly this.
Thatās how I gained more self confidence and matured to face the situationsā¦ What u said is all abt self-compassion. Yes. I acknowledge it. Every difficult situation is different. So the way of handling it also different and we mature as time goes. Affirmations should be totally biased on the situation and there we analyse the things to split it as good and bad, where we lacked, where we canāt stand out. It makes us to get an idea abt our ownself and pays a way to self improvement and hlps to go through the situation more maturedā¦ U opened my eyes 
. Thnk u
I never thought in this manner until 2 years ago. We canāt get how far they have been gone through. We make our perception abt themā¦ They got everythingā¦ They r very lucky enoughā¦ As long as they kept themselves very strong made them as heroes.
Yes. It creates superiority complex within and arrogant behavior over others. And sometimes feeling very low & ashamed when I didnāt fulfilled the affirmations ā¦
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Glad that you relate to my experience on this issue. 
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Improving self-esteem thatās been ingrained since childhood can be tough, but itās definitely doable with consistent effort and the right strategies. Let me share some tips with you, brother, since Iām also on this journey.
Self-esteem is closely linked to the prefrontal cortex 
, which helps with self-reflection and decision-making, and the amygdala, which plays a role in our emotional responses. Understanding this can help us realize that changing our thinking and behavior can physically alter our brain over time.
One effective approach is to challenge negative thoughts. Negative thinking can become automatic, so we need to catch these thoughts and question their truth. We should replace them with more balanced and realistic thoughts. For instance, when we think, āIām not good at anything,ā we should remind ourselves of past successes, no matter how small. Setting small, achievable goals can also build confidence. Starting with manageable tasks and gradually tackling more challenging ones will give us a sense of accomplishment and boost our self-esteem over time 
.
Practicing self-compassion is another key strategy. We need to be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes and remember that everyone experiences setbacks. We should treat ourselves like we would treat a good friend who is struggling. Focusing on activities we enjoy and are good at can also help. Whether itās playing an instrument 
, coding 
, or drawing 
, developing these skills will increase our confidence.
Surrounding ourselves with positivity is crucial. We should spend time with people who uplift and support us, and try to avoid those who constantly criticize or bring us down. Practicing assertiveness by expressing our needs and opinions clearly and respectfully can also make a big difference in how we feel about ourselves 
.
Incorporating mindfulness and meditation into our routine can help us stay present and reduce anxiety. Regular practice can make us more aware of our thoughts and feelings, making it easier to manage them. Physical activity is another powerful tool. Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve our mood and reduce stress. Even a short walk 
or quick workout 
can make a big difference.
Finally, journaling 
can be a helpful way to track our progress and reflect on positive experiences. Writing down our thoughts and feelings can help us understand them better and see the growth weāre making. Remember, improving self-esteem takes time. We need to be patient with ourselves and celebrate small victories along the way. Weāre already on the right path by wanting to improve, and thatās a significant step in itself.
Keep pushing forward, brother. Weāve got this 
.
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