Funny thing is the only one here calling you a loser is you. You know why cause EVERYONE on this app either is or was in your position. As nevergaintw and the other guys have said take it or leave it at this point. good luck with your life mate.
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It’s simple, but demands you start hard work.
you say: when I’m feeling lonely, anxious, sexually frustrated, and completely disconnected!?
You have to work on those topics, man. You can’t not be guided by these feelings. You are free and you have the power to choose.
Resolve lonelyness --> Start to appreciate being alone doing things you like that don’t harm you. Start talking more with people on support groups on NoFap. Start to hang out more with friends and family and if you are too shy, work on that shiness. If you don’t like anyone… So you’re probably an a**hole. Stop being one.
Resolve anxiety --> There are lots of texts on internet talking about how to do it. Maybe you should do some therapy and I mention again importance of accountability groups/partners;
Sexually frustrated --> Why’s that? Whatever it is, accept reality and learn to live with it. If you want to change your reality, work in a way that becomes your maingoal.
Disconnected --> From where? The world? Again. That’s not real. You are in the world. Learn to connect with it. Wanna help? Don’t know how to do it? Ask for help. We are here to help each other!
Peace.
I did warn this was a venting post.
If my sperm was truly valuable, I wouldn’t be here. I would be with a woman, who’d give me a child. I wouldn’t have to worry about my future, about having my blood being wiped out from the face of the earth.
Pfft. I’m not going anywhere. No amount of advice can help me even if I put it to practice. Like I said before, I’m cursed to fail again and again and again.
No one else wants to say it because, let’s be f*cking honest. You are all thinking that I’m a lonely, pathetic, loser. You just don’t want to say it because you simply want to avoid conflict and protect me from hurt when I’m already hurting. And I heard everyone’s advice btw. Do not mistake me for an a**hole. I may be bitter, yes, but I’m not discourteous.
First off I don’t like to be I support groups. And I hang out with enough friends and family. What I want is female company. Also, I’m not an a**hole. I’m always courteous to people. ALWAYS. And I’m NOT a nice guy. I’m so tired of that sh*t. Instead, I’m just a kind guy.
Secondly, I’ve already read and watched videos on anxiety. Tried them all; back in the same position.
Thirdly, what do you mean, “why’s that?” Isn’t it obvious? I’m a single loser that happens to be repellent for goals. Not one chick wants to get with me. Not after me and my ex have broken up after five f*cking years. I’m trying to regain that feeling of intimacy and sexual with a woman and I have lost it. Actually, that’s the reason why I’m here. I was told, supposedly thay this No Fap thing is supposed to help out with that.
Lastly, it’s not real that I’m disconnected from the world? Bull****! If I was, I could connect with anyone I talk to. I could star convos right on the spot. I could have interesting convos with women. Instead everyone looks at me as if I’m speaking another language or if I’m from another planet. Everyone thinks I’m wierd or not normal. And don’t tell me that’s in my mind, because guess what? They tell me in person.
Just to conclude, I’m all ears on listening to advice. For God sakes, tell me something I don’t know. Not cliches or advice I have already heard.
P.S. no more peace. I’m done with that sh*t. I’m getting my goals through mere aggression.
Alright, new answer, hadn’t read your latest reply which gave some new insight.
If I understand you correctly, you think of yourself as a kind guy, but everyone else thinks you are weird because no woman wants to talk to you or get intimate with you.
Simple question, have you ever tried to find out why that is, assuming that’s really the case?
Edited addition: btw, just my two cents on the whole sheer willpower and motivation thing: in my opinion that’s not worth much. Worth bullshit as you would say. It just makes you question that motivation and willpower everytime you make a mistake or stumble, and that just feeds the cycle of selfhatred. Discipline and small steps of hard work are the only things that really last. Your mood will change your whole life. A routine won’t so easily. So depend on that
Friends i thing this discussion bacame lengthy
I belive that all the answers for all our questiones are in us in our mind, no one can help me except myself, no one can see the world from the eye i see, no one can’t change me if i don’t want and no one (whole the world) can avoid me to change if i want, so we can not change anyone except ourselves, we say what we need to say for people but we are not responsible they accept that or not. so its waste of time to post any other reply on this topic. Wish you all success
No, what’s your point? I thought the whole thing was to act, not to simply sit and think and let the time pass by and got away while you’re doing it. What I mean to say, while I’m still trying to control my temper and mood is why should I think about it? And what should I think of it? What does that have to do with anything about me approaching women or anyone else I talk to and them thinking of me as a wierd guy? What are you exactly trying to tell me if I haven’t thought about ir? What is your point?
Secondly, finally some one I can agree with. The only reason why I even push myself to actually do these things, such as no fap or exercise is simply this: I just hate myself. I use these things as punishment hoping that it will kill me and make me into a new, better, person. Which is what I’m absolutely skeptical about, but like a true experimentally, I’m trying to disprove it.
HOWEVER…
this is where I disagree with you.
Hard work, small steps, and small victories, all that is under the same category as the other bullsh*t that you’re talking about. Too long have I tried to discipline, look at small victories, and took small steps only to just come to the same conclusion. It’s worth just as much as the cliche motivations and other positive thinking that everyone keeps talking about. That’s why I look at this as punishment. IF positive thinking will get me nowhere and make no change for me, THEN the only thing that can drive me forward is the negative thinking and self-berating, and self-hating that I have for myself. If I cannot enjoy myself as an optimist, then I will punish myself as a skeptic. To be honest, I don’t think of it as optimist or pessimist; things are the way they are and that’s it. To think one side or the other is just nativity or foolishness. And that’s the only thing that keeps me going.
Fine, no one asked you to stay. I did warn you that this was going to be a vent blog. And secondly speak for yourself, not for others. We don’t all think the same as you, so cut this crap of “answers are within us.” It’s a cliche and a useless one. I tried looking for the answers within myself and look where that led me to: relapse and failure. So please, don’t try to represent others. Especially myself. We’re not all drones, we don’t think alike, and we don’t feel like we are individuals, finding truth in the f*cking futile journey that almost seems like a waste of time.so if you want go go, go. Don’t reply. No one asked you to stay; I sure and hell didnt. I’m only putting this up because I’m looking for help from other points of views. And yes, although I’m a hard-ass and a “cynic,” I’m atleast trying to my damndest to find an answer, questioning everything, but still holding onto that microscopic but of hope, that may not be there.
In conclusion, good-bye, take care, best of luck.
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You say discipiline and hard work is the same bullshit as every other approach, but have you ever tried building it longer than some days, a week even?
For the thinking: you want to change, right? Because how you try to do things now won’t work. I don’t tell you to overanalyze everything to the core, just think about what doesn’t work and try something else. Otherwise you are just trying and trying until you magically find the one thing out of million possibilities that works by accident…
Whenever you feel the urge do something else like some exercise (weight lifting is good).
Find a hobby that allows you to get rewards according to your effort… For example a good RTS video game like StarCraft hehe
Hey! I haven’t read the other posts but here is how i do it.
When an urge appears, realize that no one is taking your hand and putting it on your penis. No torture system is placing your hand on your penis. So if you do it, it is your choice, it is because you want to.
Then ask yourself, why do I want to do it? Often, the answer will be “to remove the discomfort (tingling in your head or in your groin for instance) i am feeling”.
All you have to do third is to realize that the feeling of discomfort is clearly bearable. Moreover, take deep breaths and observe the discomfort fading a little. Realize that it is your ability to bear that feeling of discomfort that heals your body and mind.
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You are completely right. All our advises are and will be futile. There are two ways how this can go out. One (and the one with a pretty high likely hood) is that you will commit suicide. No criticism, just a fact derived from what you are saying here. You force yourself to feel pain just to have something which you are living for.
You don’t want that? Than find a reason why you wanna live!
I don’t give you any advise on how or where to search because you don’t want them.
choose the right one
I think this is my last comment too. Said everything I can
Yes I have tried it for a week and still failed. It’s the same thing.
As for New things to try, I can’t think of any. That’s how useless I am.
I’ve done all that. Still I come back to the same results. I’ve been so focused with work and so upset about it that some of the hobbies that I do lose their novelty on me. Even video games, which are my favorites, are starting to lose their appeal to. I just find them fun or rewarding anymore.
Tried that too. Still the same failures. Secondly, I dont do it to remove discomfort. I do it because of loneliness, because I don’t have a woman to share an intimate moment, don’t you understand? I’m sex starved. Call me a pig, if you want, but I’m going to be f*cking honest.
Suicide is not an option because of my beliefs. Do you seriously take me for some sort of nihilist or something? I have no other option but to feel pain. And since you think I’m going through pain because I’m living for something, I’m assuming that you probably what I’m living for. So what is it?
And secondly, you’re wrong. I do want advise. I just don’t want advice that I’ve already heard, tried, and failed, that’s cliche, that’s full of optimistic bullsh*t, or any of that.
So please, don’t tell me about choice, because I really have no choice. Either I suffer to accomplish a goal, that I’ll most likely not get, or just die, which again is not an option.
Good bye. Sorry to hear that you couldn’t help me. No one can. Not even myself.
Guys, I think telling @anon35349866 any advice at this point that won’t lead to him getting female company is useless.
He doesn’t seem to have issues with depression, suicidal thoughts, he has enough contact with friends and family, many of you start projecting their own underlying problems onto this guy.
Of course, we don’t know if he really connects with people or just thinks he does, we don’t know if he doesn’t get the point and really is depressed without noticing, we don’t know any of that, but as it is now, he’s just a guy being obsessed with finding a woman to connect to.
We can’t give him that.
So we might as well leave with a hint towards some self-help books on “how to find a partner in 10 steps”.
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