Its gonna be a long story , read it in your free time.
I wont go much into details about myself,
its been 8 years since i have been in this shit lifestyle.
so as you guys know i joined mbbs a year ago. I was very optimistic about all this because i have been preparing for this since two years and i finally got through it(thanks to nofap and my self belief). i finally get to become a doctor! you guys were a part of that journey and some of you has witnessed all my ups and downs till now!
In the begining , i was very happy and motivated and i made 86 days streak which was my highest. yes in the begining i was very happy about everything that was happening around me, but then the ragging started. i was faced to this new situation and i wasnt able to study anything properly, not to mention i wasted my initial days in optimism. i broke my streak on 86th day because someone told me that i have gotten skinnier and uglier( which is one of the main trigger for me when someone tells me that im skinny) i thought that wtf, even after so much trying eating and all i just couldnt gain anything… that was probably because our seniors were overworking us , especially me for some reason.
Life after that 86th has been complete shit that you could imagine of, i wasted my 2023, and 1st half of 2024…
Next point is inferiority:
after all the exams , presentation and everything, i saw that my friends were able to stay mentally stable and pass in exams just by studying very less( my roomate used to watch to reels everyday but still manages to pass with good marks in exams). but i was the one who always failed. i became very low self esteemed and self aware that everyone thinks of me as loser and i used to fap 2 times daily or whenever i gatherd motivation and made 1 week streak i would again fell into masturbating 5-6 times a day. i wasted more than 5 months on this single thought and didnt study properly, i was failing in exams badly humiliated by teachers in viva. i lost all self confiedence and finally one night i tried to kms(thats a confession i never made). even after that event my life kept going downhill. i lost all hopes and motivation to do anything and no one would notice anything about me. they. would just think im an annoying guy who pretends to be depressed but in reality i was in the worst phase of my life. its sad that not a single friend of mine texted me during that time. that phase i never wanna go back to
During that Phase i was escaping everything by going toward â– â– â– â– masturbation etc. and that was making my condition much worse, i wasnt eating properly and whenever i came back to my home everyone would look at me with pity and tell me what happened to you? jow did you get so much skinnier. little do they know what i was suffering from( i wasnt much active in forum that time)
2023dec -2024 june was a phase where i was at my worst phase. i never thought i would be depressed for that long.
but then from july , somwthing happened, i will tell it another day but now i am really back on track. i will never go back to filth , you guys should never too.
for that reason i quite sure im gonna fail in my 1st mbbs toobut that doesnt matter to me anymore , i have started working really hard from july. i am not afraid to fail, i know it was my mistake and i will fix tht
all those time i was thinking what others will think of me but i never think about myself !
fuck pmo
