Hi im Jared and I’m suffering from severe anxiety and have mild depression, im confused about my emotions, im emotional and not emotional at the same time, im so lost right now that I feel like something is missing inside me, I feel like the thing I’m missing is love, real love not just family, not just friends, real love, someone who I could marry, someone who I could have kids with, but that’s not all, life feels like a constant battle right now, I’m so stressed, so overtired, so nervous, I’m so burnt out from work, I’m so insecure, I’m too scared to make any eye contact, I feel like everyone stares and wonders what’s wrong with me, I’ve become so insecure about myself that I don’t give a shit anymores, I could give a fuck what people think, this is my life not theirs, I feel they should fuck off, mind their own business, just because I’m different and suffer from adhd and autism, doesn’t make it ok for them cunts (including my brain) tomanipulate me to the point where they tell me how to live my life, they don’t even know shit, they dont even care about me, they only like to use me because I’m vulnerable, well FUCK THEM, I’m in charge, not them. I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel like I have nothing to lose anymore, I’m empty as shit and probably the saddest cunt out there due to my autism, and due to life being so hard, im sick of pussying out every time there’s an opportunity to talk to a girl, im sick looking away every time I spot a girl checking me out, I’m sick of feeling like I deter everyone, including girls away because I’m such pussy, and because im boring, it’s no wonder I depressed all the time and constantly miserable I’ve mastered friendships, but have almost never dated anyone and I’m 20.
I am constantly sick of being everyones doormat, being bossed around, being told what to do, and getting nothing in return, I FUCKIN HATE IT, why can’t they do that them, oh I guess my opinion doesn’t matter, I don’t mind helping out, but I feel as if my life is being controlled, no time to do what I want to do without having to be that doormat again, being unable to say no out of fear I hurt their feelings, or if I do say no, sometimes they don’t take no for an answer, even standing up is another constant battle, whenever I try to stand up for myself it just ends hurting people, makes things worse and sometimes they just end up getting their own way anyways, the only thing I’m able to stand up to is my PMO addiction, this thing has tried to ruin my life, take everything from me and has put in this state where everything seems impossible and too hard to do, that’s what addiction does to you it continues to take everything away you to the point you become a living brain dead zombie, who sits in bed constantly masturbating, instead of being out there living the best life. I have hit rock bottom so many times and while dont know what it is, ive always found a way back out sometimes that has got me on the right path, other times ive fallen back into that pit. The truth is life is hard, which took a long time to accept and understand, it wasn’t until I started doing nofap that I realized life was hard and life gives you challenges to face and overcome, once I started to realize that, that’s when I started taking nofap seriously but I was still in denial, but once I started to accept that life was hard that’s when my healing began, I heard this quote from someone that life is difficult, and when you learn to accept that, life is no longer difficult.
If you got this far then thank you for listening, life has been full of challenges and I’ve bottling up my thoughts and feelings for too long and not opening up can cause depression and we all know what depression leads to, so here I am opening up, so I really can start to heal from this.
Depression is no joke someone, if you are feeling depressed then talk to someone, opening up is one of the first steps to healing, thanks for reading guys, peace.
4 Likes
This not just how you been feeling
This is how you stay real
Being real means accepting the truth no matter how brutal it is
You have the required rage to improve yourself just channel it in right direction like workout, business, academics,job,health, breaking the limits
That way the pain of past will turn to power in future
5 Likes
I had no idea that you’ve been feeling this way. I thought you were doing good, but it’s great that you opened up. A burden must have been lifted.
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Counter and people don’t always tell the truth 
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Opening up did help, it lifted a huge weight off me
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