Brothers I got married almost a year back not something I planned but my parents kinda convinced me it’s high time to get married I was 30 at this time and at the time I thought it was the correct thing to do ,in the process I met this really nice ,polite ,cute girl , everything checked (Aok girl) ,I really liked her after few conversations we hit off ,we spoke for hours always texted each other after few months and personally meeting her we were sure about us , our parents also met but didn’t agree with us which is why she backed out , I tried to make her say yes gave her assurance we will convince or parents but she was confused, scared . I hate to be the guy who keeps chasing the girl cause he likes her a lot also the ego guys have " how can she say no " so they keep trying, that is not my thing. I tried to reason with her couple of times cause she did admit she likes me, but not ready to give that commitment. so I tried one last time opened up to her about my feelings but the response was cold so I stopped calling ,texting her, after this I was meeting other girls my parents wanted me to meet ,suggestions from relative’s, other girls from matrimonial and found this other girl she was super into me was 100% sure about me in the few months that we spoke to each other ,my parents liked her but I noticed she was lil arogant not with me but in general with few random ppl I noticed, but things looked good our parents met date was finalized and thats when shit got real the previous girl I liked called and confessed she has always liked me and is ready to get engaged to me but I thought it was too late so i said no ,also she was not sure all this time so I couldn’t trust her if she definitely means what she says this time .
Fast forward 1 year , I am married to the girl my parents liked. After marriage I understood I have some issues with Porn so I decided to quit pornography, honestly I never thought it was a problem ,porn was only used by me whenever I was single and not getting regular sex , but after marriage I realised my partner does not like my style of sex which I find weird actually it agitates me ,makes me angry cause that’s when I use porn to medicate more but soon I realised pornography is fucked and is killing my mojo for a long time in other aspects of my life and I never even realised it so I start looking at Mentors online ,on YouTube etc and end up on rewire app amazing app btw. Now the No Fap is great but the fact still remains me and my wife don’t agree on or bedtime activities she thinks I m to rough which I am not I have had few many girlfriends before marriage and I know girls who have complimented me and liked the kink I bring to the bed but my partner is not one of them now because of this I feel my life is doomed I’ll have to sacrifice my emotions just cause my partner is not into my style also she is not at all supportive or understanding she doesn’t like it and she says it to my face that she won’t like it my way & I have to change and she is very upfront and arogant when it come to letting me know that
Now the girl I liked before my marriage contacted me some time back I am not the type of guy who will cheat on someone cause in past I have been cheated on so I know how it feels so we just talked about general things ,I didn’t tell her my problem that I have been facing in mariage ,but we both did get lil emotional and hoped if we could go back correct our actions and be together but we know that is not possible and so decided we can just be friends that to not close ones
But honestly this issue with my married life ,my partner not understanding my problem and the girl I really liked coming back in contact with me has overwhelmed me and there are other shit load things happening in life at the same time cause life always finds way to mess up things more just for fun I guess but because of all this I feel doomed at times ,I am not sucidel but I feel life in general is going to be not so much to look forward from here .
No fap is one of the very few good things happening in my life as of now but all this tension ,messed up situation’s scares me to death and I hope not but things might get even worse I can’t share this with my family not that kind off bond that I share with them, no friends who will understand ,all my friends are only into party and alcohol ,not that old , same age but not married so I don’t think they will relate to this somehow ,might be even suggest me to sleep around with other girl or my ex girlfriends just to fulfill my sexual urges which is not an option I want to be suggested
If anyone here can help or suggest me some sort of relief from this issue I will be really glad I am hoping no fap will help me think straight out of this problem also at times I feel maybe pornography has made my sex style little wierd and my partner is correct but then I remember my ex girlfriends who had never complained rather liked it .I don’t know how I am going to manage should I get a divorce or go to a therapist I don’t know, am I doomed for a sexless marriage ? I don’t know. what all problems this situation will ripple further into thinking all this just makes me numb
Also I am doing No Fap so that itself is a struggle I just wish during this time I had the support I needed from my partner and family but I don’t have that , I have put everything in god’s hands now and focusing on No Fap one problem at a time but if the other issues are not taken into consideration I am sure they will cause a ripple effect and create more problems
Only God can help me it seems
Your brother in this struggle
Totto