Sometimes after I relapse I feel awful. Sometimes I am literally sick with guilt and shame.
But sometimes I don’t care. Like even if I stop and think about it, I don’t feel bad at all.
I keep worrying that I only feel bad when I do because I grew up being brainwashed that it is bad. What if it really isn’t bad, I only think that sometimes because of how I was raised?
It seems like my life isn’t any better with or without pmo, even during streaks of 3 months or more…
I think that I am starting to believe a clever lie from the devil. But I want to be true to myself. I want to be true. I feel like I have lost the concept of what is right or wrong, so why not just do what I want and what feels good?
I don’t really know what to say, but all I know is that happiness is not easy to achieve, its not something you could get by doing the things that your comfortable with, instead you have to face lots of challenges that you might not like at all, you’ll most likely be uncomfortable doing them, whether it’s hard or not enjoyable because that’s just how life works. You can’t be expecting everything to be on your side, to be something that you like, it’s the opposite. Like NoFap for an example, it’s not something easy to do, not something that most of us want to do because I know we’re not even sure if all the benefits that we heard or read is true or not, since we actually haven’t experienced it ourselves. But that’s not the point, the point is not to expect results, or to be able to control you mind. Sure that’s one of the important reason on why you do NoFap, yet you have to understand the real reason why people try to stay out of PMO. It’s simple, because it’s WRONG. You have to realise that PMO is basically like any other crime. In other words, PMO is basically stealing, stealing someone’s human rights. Now the question is, Would you dare commit such a crime?
I think you will accept this.
I didn’t want to use my own words.
“Watch out for parasites.
A parasite is anything that latches on to you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They’re usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography.
They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time, and money.
They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love.
Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present.
If you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don’t, it will destroy you.”
-Kendrick, The Love Dare. P. 112
The above is from the movie Fireproof. A great movie and it also addresses the problems of PMO. Would really very much recommend you watch it.
I love that movie. I thought that quote sounded a little familiar. I haven’t seen it in a long time, but that’s a good one to watch again. Thanks for sharing.
Easy. When you don’t feel emotional about your goal, use reason to find your purpose.
On the days when logic and reason fail you, and the addicted brain comes up with small rationalisations to justify the desire to fap, use all the emotions at your disposal to counter that - pure rage, anger, sadness, joy etc. and focus against it.
For men especially, this is a great boon. Our emotional part of the brain is more or less disconnected from the rational or logical regions (different extents for everyone) so when emotion fails you, you have logic and reason to keep going. When logic seems difficult, emotion will come to the rescue. That’s it bro. If you aren’t feeling guilt, don’t worry, use reason and logic. Keep both balanced always. Use both at the same time, whenever possible and you become unstoppable. Just know that you don’t always need guilt to succeed at NoFap. You have a lot of weapons in your arsenal. Seek, believe, don’t waver in your faith, and you will find them.
Let’s try this. Put aside all teachings, religious, spiritual and such and only use your basic logic for a minute.
There is a system that is our body, which is working by order to fulfill all functions to maintain life the best possible way for itself. Since you have your own free will as a person, you can help this system working correctly, or you can do things that harms the system and ruins it’s functionality. This is true for instant harms, like suicide that can simply stop your system instantly, and also true for things that only slowly effecting your system proper ongoing, like bad eating habits, smoking, faping. Eating habit might not ever gonna kill you, and it is not definite that you will get cancer because of smoking, but you won’t be able run freely as a fat fuck, or with weak lungs. Just like with fapping. Your penis will not fall off due to fapping and you will still be able to pee, but you won’t be able to maintain a proper erection, because you will have ED. You see, it is natural to have consequences for bad habits if you do long enough. It is unavoidable. Don’t look for excuses to fap. Sometimes we don’t feel bad after fapping because we were able to shut out or numb our conscience.
Hope I was able explain properly and you get my point.
My personal opinion is that we are like this because originally we were created in a good order to live, but since humanity ruined it by free will, we have to face the consequences of our actions.