3/12:
7th day of Lent - attempting Magnify 90
Annoying stuff td: Despite how far I’ve come in my faith journey, it’s still so easy to cave. I’m working this Lent on fixing minor bad habits such as excessive and unnecessary spending, gossiping, etc. So far I’ve caved to every single one of these every day. I’m saying that these are minor things, but why can’t I stop myself from caving to them then? It’s pathetic that I rely on a sugar-loaded Dunkin coffee to make my day better. I need to be more disciplined.
Today after spending unnecessary money on lunch, I stopped by my church. I prayed a couple prayers and then left. But I want to be like those people who lose track of time praying. In those moments it sometimes feels like I’m not close to God. I hope that keeping track of my emotions every day will help me to see how God’s grace has affected my every day life.
Good stuff td: I thought that my friendship with one of my best friends had ended, but td she reached out. All she did was start like a 10 second interaction but it was something. I had been feeling like she didn’t care about our friendship but maybe she does?? Idk but hey its smth- I was lowkey sad abt not talking given that I see her everyday. Excited to see what God has in store for me 
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I know how you feel. Its easy to succomb to habits we have always had. One thing that I have learned, is that focusing on my relationship with God helps me with those habits that I want to quit. Because as we grow closer to God, and love Him more, then we stop, or at least try to stop, those things that could hurt him. But we aren’t perfect, and he knows we will mess up. That is why he sent his only Son to die for us. But, make sure that even if you do mess up, you repent, and work to stop those habits. Keep up the faith, and putting in effort.
And one last thing, comparison is the thief of joy. As long as you are praying to God, that is all that matters. Deepen your relationship with him. And your prayers will come. Its easy to compare yourself to others who you think “pray better than you.” But there is no criteria in the Bible for what constitutes a good prayer. Prayer can be a range of things, but ultimately, its talking and being intimate with God.
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3/17:
12th day of Lent
So some interesting stuff has been going down the past few days. One of my best friends keeps telling me that I’m gay even though she knows we disagree on some very fundamental issues. I’m not trying to say that I hate anyone in that community and I’m a homophobe, some of my closest friends are in that community- but I don’t agree with the practices of the community. I love the people, not the practices.
Anyways back to what’s been going on. So I’ve been officially labeled as “in the closet” by my friend and honestly it hurts. I thought she knew that I take my faith very seriously, and this almost feels like she doesn’t think I know myself or how to run my life. Additionally, it hits a sore spot because of my past- when I was struggling with addiction and depression, I thought I was gay, and it was only when I found Jesus and redemption that I realized that that time of my life was lived for the devil.
I’m going to try to talk to her about it today if I find a chance, and I just hope that she understands and respects my pov more, even if it means I didn’t change her mind or smth (bc honestly that would be almost impossible to do)
she also literally knows abt any guys I talk to so come onnnn lol
Anyways I feel like this is Jesus’ way to let me confide in someone I trust about my past?? Idk maybe it is maybe it isnt ig I’ll find out
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