Hey guys, I’m filled with negativity. It’s aa full package comes with always finding reason to be sad, depressed, “struggling” “victim”. Even I don’t know when I really get to be sad, or feel like a victim of unfortunate sequence of events. I don’t have close people, even though I have no problem sharing everything with few, but they are busy, maybe don’t care, and sure shouldn’t be babysitting me. As much as I tried to fit in, get closer to people, I failed, so I’m left with God ,God and I alone.
People drop kindness on the way but I understand they have their lives, and need to move on.
I feel disconnected from God, weak, idk how/what to pray, there is basic prayers, then I used to tell God stuff, but idk what to tell him. every thing in my life is my mistake, I didn’t deal well with X Y Z,…,well
I hate myself for failing every time, I feel like I want to relapse just to punish myself. I try to love my self, but it’s a rooted problem, years of practicing self hatred, negative thoughts and feelings. I’m blessed with everything thank God, but can’t seem to succeed or achieve or work on anything. I am my own problem, Idk how to get better, how to be better. And I lack the belief that I can get better, I don’t believe. I want to relapse so bad, to punish myself in a way.
I have 2 exams left before dropping out of university, can’t study, idk how to tell my family, they make it hard for me to share anything with them.
Without getting into the details of my life, let’s say I’m alone, and every bad situation I’m in is because of me, how can I support myself, instead of hating myself, how can I get better
I know I should study, but if I could I wouldn’t be here asking. So I need something more deep.