Hello, I’d like to share my history with pmo. I’ve been dealing with it since I was 11. The transition between my childhood and adolescence wasn’t the best, I’ve been struggling badly on family matters back then that somewhat I still carry over to this day. In adittion, I was pretty much one of the ugly ducks from the class besides being an introvert so I had it difficult with girls.
Having said that context, I can’t be certain when my first contact with this material actually started. I do remember students older than me showed us a +18 puzzle game at school, besides I also remember coming across sexual content on youtube (And I guess that’s when one of "my kinks was born).
But from them I kept watching it every month, then every week and everyday. Like y’all recognize today, it was a horrible experience, What saddest me the most is that I sexualized my partners in my brain, besides the “normal content” wasn’t enough from me anymore so I depended (and still think when I relapse) on kinks.
The pandemic was a blessing in disguise, yes, I fapped more than ever back then, but whenever I ended I couldn’t feel other thing than emptyness and regret. And that’s when I came across the nofap community on Youtube, I learnt a lot from this adiction besides I was amazed that actual specialists were researching/discussing about this matter (r.i.p Gary Wilson). So I decided to quit by force, failling badly of course, but that lead my to look up for communities like this and that’s how I was slowly able to reach 7 days, 14 days, 21 days, and my record I haven’t been able to beat yet, 48 days.
Now talking about my triggers, I’ve learnt that situations when I have to deal with high levels of anxiety, stress, frustration or tireness is when I’m most likely to relapse; or even coming across a woman outside that fits the kink I’ve been dealing with for a while. I don’t tend to relapse the same day, but the next day in the morning when I’m most vulnerable to fail, which lead me to be late to college or having less time to do my work or study.
But at least, since I was aware of my adiction, I’ve been doing better on the socializing matter. Yes, I’m not nor will be a party guy or an extrovert, but I no longer have a hard time speaking to women or random people anymore, and no, I’m not looking up for a relationship, I deeply believe I need to fix myself if I ever want to be in one. Though my main goal is finishing college, finding a job and supporting my faimily.
And I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish all of this (even If I’m not that free yet) If I didn’t have the balls to join communities, a lot of people really gave me great advice besides recommending me blockers. I still have to finish reading Easy Peasy, stopped a while ago but I will read it from start on vacation.
I don’t know If I really helped you with my confession, but I needed to get it out of my chest.