It’s not love I’m looking for its intimacy. I’m trying to learn to connect with women and learn to make love to her, like I did with my ex. Only then can I find love. U til then, I’m just a loser that can’t talk to women.
Sigh. I’m not going to make it. I find it very hard to see the light in any of this.
Women arent everthing bro. Find something you love and pursue it bro. Its not easy bro. There is so much more to life than just a woman. So go find a passion, and chase it.
I would if I had the right attitide. Even I’m fucking aware of it and I’m too pathetic change it.
That’s honestly true what mxngo said. You shouldn’t enter a relationship with a toxic attitude. I would know I made it me me me with girls before and ended up ruining them and the relationship. You’ve got to fix yourself man. It’s brutal but it’s honest, no one else can do it for you. You have one chance at life, how do you want to go out? Not everyone has it easy. A lot of people go through life fighting, everyone has problems but only some people do something about them and i’m guessing since you’re here you have that spirit inside you to actually do something about it. Now make that grow. Channel all your hurt and problems into motivation to fix yourself, because then and only then will you actually do something about it like i did.
I can’t do that. The only thing I would have me going is the deep hatred of this world, man. If I was going to be successful, it would be success with a vengeance where I would bury everyone who hurt me in the past and prove to them I am more than what I am. I would even go further and humiliate all the exes that I had, showing they could’ve had me, when they threw me away like garbage.
And even so, I still can do it. I’m not strong and I don’t change. I don’t know how to change. And like I said, I’m aware of this toxic mentality and don’t know how to get rid of it. I’m so upset that I don’t even want to get rid of it because if I suddenly just became “happy” I would quickly catch on that it’s a performance and would hate myself and judge myself for it. That’s the only reason why I use negative energy to drive me. Because positive energy feels like an absolute sham.
Do you believe you deserve happiness?
Firstly you’ve got to let go of those people . I’m sure you could think of times you’ve hurt other people. It’s a part of life, but it’s a learning experience.
Hey Man, if u feel that u have hit the rock bottom of your life, and cant go further down anymore, then Congratulations! Because good choices u make after hiting rock bottom will make u a better man.
Just remember to love yourself,
You dont have to compare yourself with anyone, because each of us human is unique 
Remember that you are not alone in this battle, Stay strong!
Where and when did you learn all of these thoughts? I mean the first time you started to think and eventually concluded that you’re this and that. It may be somewhere in your childhood or something recent. Like in my case, when I was around 6yrs old, my uncle made fun of me in front of my boy cousins that i was a weakling, and that i’m gay. Fast forward, 30yrs later im fighting hard but im still struggling with same sex attraction even though im married and have a son. When i was a child i cant distinguish from facts and opinions, and everything said by grownups is for me a fact. And that event affected me all my life. I had to unlearn that and to break all the habits and beliefs that have risen from it. And its difficult, easier said than done. But i have to do it.
Point is, maybe you need to challenge the validity of your thoughts. We are not our past nor are we what people say who we are, or what people think about us. We cant put the blame on them either. We can choose who we are and who we want to become. We can choose to be powerful
2 Likes
Do I think I deserve happiness? Not really.
And I was raised to be courteous and kind to others. I would never hurt anyone unless they did harm upon me. In fact, I would even argue that I was too kind that some people took advantage of me, which make me very resentful. And if I did hurt people, it was never on purpose or intentional. I don’t seek pathology for my own amusement.
So you think someone hurt you knowing the effect it’d have on you up until this point? Ofcourse not. Unless you knew some really really evil people who knew no empathy. More than likely whoever hurt you had 0 knowledge of what the effect would be rather they were only thinking about themselves. Which is why there is that saying, bullying has a lot more to say about them than it has to say about you.
1 Like
Why don’t I find that thought more comforting…?
I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m just sucked and tired of who i am. Anyone can read me like a book and pick me apart like a Jenga set and make me fall. I’m that flawed.
I don’t care. I just want mutual destruction. Too long have I been nice and kind to everyone and look where it has taken me. My ex abused me, my reputation has been ruined by others, no one at work sees me as one of their own. My family most likely sees me as a babbling emotional failure.
I tried to do the courteous thing for everyone and they jusy betray me with it. If I cannot win a fight like that, then I’ll have rise above and beyond with a vengeance and show them what I am.
Alright well just take care man. You deserve better than what you give yourself. God bless.
… Okay. Sure… as if i know how to take care of myself. And is if I do deserve better.
1 Like
Hey Hollowman, I think there are two part of you that want different things
-
you want to be happy, you want to love a girlfriend, to have close friends, maybe to write and many other positive things…
-
The other part of you wants you to suffer, why?
Because I think you accomplished many things while suffering, such as running to loose weight while you hated it.
I may be wrong but I think you have wired your brain/thought that suffering is the way to obtain and acheive thing.
I am familiar with this because I had this behavior for a while, beating myself for everything I didn’t had.
Ps we don’t hate you, we just want you to re-gain hope in your life.
Spot on. I want to feel that sort of happiness and that dopamine kick to make me want to try and do things again and again. But so far I’ve only experienced suffering and deep inner hatred for myself because of small victories. The reason is because I want to feel that dopamine kick. I want to feel that catharsis. I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something. And though I may have lost some weight, that doesn’t mean I’m right where I want to be, which pisses me off because that means more work. AND it doesn’t guarantee that I’ll get there, which I pick up as more bull**** and I get very pissed off and usually quit. That’s why I am what I am. I have not experiences anything that was great and achievable. And here’s the b*tch of it all.
I don’t want that achievement just given to me, I want to fcking earn it! And it’s just so fcking frustrating because everything I do feels like one step forward and then two f*cking steps back!!!
But yes, you got it spot on. That’s the reason why I’m pissed. That’s the reason why I feel like I cannot change. That’s the reason why I hate myself and the world around me. And I cannot change my way of thinking. The only way to achieve something is by way of suffering.
Another problem is that when you have other guys tell you what you’re bad talking to women. It makes you feel less manly, like there’s something wrong with you. That you’re not normal. That’s me. Because I am not socially normal.