Feeling intense temptation, loneliness, anger, sadness, and can't take it anymore

I’m so close to my wits end right now. I’m going to keep this brief and try to be non-vetful (the key word is TRY). I’m feeling intense loneliness, cynicism, my house is in disarray because of construction, I have no girlfriend, and no friends and no one to talk to and I’m jusy close to wanting to PMO. And I’m fully aware that I’ve pretty much annoyed this whole community and I’m pretty sure that everyone hates me now. I originally wanted to make a diary entry, but I’m so close to burning that I don’t have the time to write down my progress. I’m currently 28 days in with absolutely no change and I’m f*cking losing patience. I want to cry, but I can’t, I want to hit someone and I can’t do that, I can’t write, I can’t enjoy my video games. Honestly, I kinda feel like I want to die. I’m carrying a huge load of emotional pain that I just can’t stand my existence anymore. Btw the way, go on ahead and call me a drama queen. Carry on mocking me and antagonizing me. I’ll only hate myself more. And I’m so tired of hating myaelf. I’m tired of being alone, and I’m tired of doing something and gaining nothing. I’m so tired of it all and I want it to end.


What new actions are you taking? New results require new actions. E.g. if you’re always staying at home, then go for a random tour or visit a friend. Do something you havent done before.

We are here for you, I understand being alone. Coming home to an empty house sucks, do you live by any family?

I can’t go on tour because I’m working. Instead I’m trying to either game or go to the gym. And the novelty is losing its value.

I do, but family doesn’t cut it. I don’t have a room. I live in a kitchen, I have no privacy. Everything I once had is now just stowed away sitting. Here I am sitting here losing my mind, hating myself, gaming a game that I’m terrible at and trying to get better and losing patience, going to a workout when I don’t feel like working out. I’m telling you man. I’m going insane. I can’t take it anymore. I just want a woman for one night.

I’m sorry to hear that man, to be at rock bottom sucks. All I really can do for you is pray, and let you know I can try and give my best advice.

Sigh. You know, I’m going to fucking say it. I just cried, like literally, bawling moments ago and I still don’t feel any better. I feel pathetic. I’m so fucking busy this week that I cannot enjoy myself. I never have vacations, I can never relax, I can never do what I want, all the money I earn has to go to family, AND I CAN’T EVEN ATLEAST GO OUT AND FUCKING TALK TO ONE GIRL!!! NOT FUCKING ONE!!! GODDAMMIT!!!

I’m losing it… slowly…

At rock bottom the only way is up. This pain you feel now won’t last forever you know that right? Someday you’ll look back and remember how low you were feeling at this point.

I find it really hard to believe at this time. This is a bloody never ending nightmare. I don’t understand how one can be so positive at a time like this. How can I possibly smile? How can I possibly feel better about myself? I have no confidence, I don’t know how to change, I’m an idiot, I’m a loner, a freaking outcast, and I just hate my life.

And no here I am crying. Unable to do anything and CANNOT do anything. And here’s the bitch of it. I’m well aware that I can do something about, but I’m too fucking upset, tires, depressed, and out of my mind to want to do something about it.and I hate myself for it.

Being lonely sucks, but what about you kid?

What do you mean? What kid?

Once you learn what you need to learn bro things will get better. Trust me, like i said i’ve been to hell and back. And i mean that, you may think i don’t understand you but we all have problems and yours aren’t the worst out there. I’ve been in a very similar situation. Hell, i’m in a similar situation now, except i’ve learned what i was supposed to from it and through it. You’ve just got to keep fighting

Sorry must of misread thought you said you had a kid

I’ve felt that low man. Even a couple days ago i thought about ending it, but God is faithful through all trails. Not meaning to sound as a religious geek but he literally helps me. Just so you know, that is why i keep wanting to help you. Because i know that struggle and i’m here for anyone going through it because i can actually help.

No. And that’s another thing that troubles me so. I have friends that are already married and have kids. I have none and I’m 26. I’m so convinced because of how wierd, awkward, and unattractive I am, my genes will be gone and I’ll leave not a generation behind. And I don’t have memes to pass on either. I’ll die and become forgotten.

I’m 30 and I still don’t have kids, I will live alone and will never have kids. I’m gay and have to live a celibate life. I dreamed of having kids, but I will never get to enjoy the joys of being a father, but I will not dwell on the things I can not change. Set a goal. Just one goal a day, something real simple, and then continue to build on that

Im assuming that youre choosing that sort of life though, am i right? Why can’t you adopt one. If you can’t pass on genes, pass on memes. I’m the one that can’t attract the opposite sex. I’ll live as a failed species of my family

I’m so tired of a daily goal. The only goals I make is just go to work and come home. This isn’t e like a game, a fucking videogame, where you can just stumble on a side quest and earn something extra to get that dopamine kicking. Speaking of which, I have not felt success at all to try anything again. I just fail, or get no results and quit. There are no real quests in life. No wars to win, no monsters to fight. We live in a age where we are all fragmented on the inside and try to make up for it by playing a caricature. There are no goals for me. Only replays of yesterday.

What women have you tried to talk to?

The rejecting kind. That’s what.

Keep trying, women can be the worst, but they are not all like that. You will find her! True love waits, and sometimes it moves at a snails pace, but you will find her.