Life is an extraordinary place every living can experience, I feel like something we cannot choose, something that we want to have, but on the other hand, when it is time for us to need something urgently, we have no choice to feel numb. Suddenly, when everything gets lighter, we need to choose after we have nothing but a struggle. Yes, our timing with our God is distinctly different since He knows all and we do not know at all, but this is ridiculous since there is too much scene wherein our low we have nothing, and suddenly everything burst into our eyes.
Making a choice and being bold is not an easy task everyone can deal with; even for me, I always need to choose almost every essential thing for the organization, family, and life. The choice is tough to deal with as if we take one that is wrong — yes, some choice is wrong, don’t be too denial as a human — we get way too low, and even no choice and chance have remained. I do not know. Life has its opportunity for me, but this is way too ridiculous. I cannot stand with this kind of thing every single breath. But sorry, not sorry, life is a test, I need to live with it, right?
In addition that it is extremely frustrating when we suppose to be able to make a choice, but we cannot due to our limitations. I want to live in the present, yet the past haunted me every single time, and the future attacked me with their worried thought. I mean, why do they even exist in the first place? I mean the thought. I do not want to deal with them anymore because almost every part of my life was spent focusing on the future and regret the past.
Tell me that I need to forgive my past and take one day at a time, I almost take every possible way to get out of this circumstance, but still, I cannot. In addition, that I very suck at almost everything makes me even worse. I do not know, and I want to know the answer to this situation; I am just way too tired for all of this, and I feel like I cannot bear with this feeling anymore. Inadequate every single time, unsatisfied yet the feels needed to get a job, or almost everything is frustrating me.
I do not know, I am just too tired, but I do not want to rest. I do not want to have a difficult choice after a huge struggle. I am selfish, I know. People will underestimate me, I know, but this is the choice.
I choose to be insecure, and my head is way too big, my forehead to be specific. As far as I was concerned back then, it was not a problem, but beauty standards and people’s mockery have come. Tell me that I need to ignore them and not listen to them; I still can listen to a word, you prophet. I tried to accept things, and I have accepted this, but my own feeling won’t shut I do not know what is wrong.