This is my story and motivation:
I don’t want to live like this anymore, and I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. I don’t want to lose the chance to become a better person. I don’t want to lose the opportunity for a better life. I want to keep my goal clearly in front of me, and I know this clouds it. It’s all something that tries to take away dignity and humanity. It tries to crush human value and makes it impossible to receive love and kindness from amazing people.
Even if the best woman entered my life, I wouldn’t be able to accept the goodness she offers because, in my mind, only humiliation and accepting pain seem to bring true satisfaction—not tenderness and care. Although I’ve been in such relationships before, none of them brought me happiness, and they all had outcomes far different from what I expected. No extreme femdom practices in a relationship ever led to a healthy connection.
I cannot build a safe home, responsibility, or respect on this. I cannot fulfill the potential of my masculinity through it. It’s all just in my head.
Now, I completely surrender myself to God, asking Him to transform me so that I may desire only goodness and service to Him and others for His sake. That I may be able to hear His voice and follow Him. To live in purity and seek healthy relationships according to His plan.