I’m 23 and had no problem with friends and confidence. I’m a university student and spend most of the time with friends.I had more focus in my studies all my life.But now i feel like i should find a girlfriend because i feel like its time i shuld take more responsibilities. My friends ( i have 3 friends) all look attractive and by attractive i mean above average and also they have good personalities. I’ve seen girl’s approach them most of the time even when they don’t realize it which i have seen at times. That’s a miss.They flirt with girls and honestly girls don’t seem to reject them. One time i tried to flirt with a girl who i do talk occasionally but then i got embarrased because just at the begining she changed the conversation like she didn’t like it. I felt bad because she seemed a bit uneasy. I thought she didn’t like my appearance. I do talk with girls but they seem to be more interested to talk with friends of mine. I’m not a jealous guy and i have a good personality.I don’t like to say this but honestly i don’t look attractive and i know that. I study well and have good grades in my university degree. I thought smart and being funny will attract girls because I’m a fun guy among friends. But no girl have approached me or don’t look at me like they are interested even when i look at them or talk to them. But my friends don’t even have to try and it hurts. I do engage in social activities and do exercise most of the time and have even certificates for sports. Now because I’m an adult this felt more negative. I’ve heard confidence is what girl’s are looking for. But because of this situations i don’t think that’s going to work. Do i have to do more than what I’m doing or do all women lie about what they say because I don’t want to hit on some strange girl who don’t even look at me.That’s myself.Should i wait for the time to decide or make a extra move because if i get i will go for it. Its been 78 days with all that difficulties no girl attraction seem to be happening. By the way my friends are very supportive guys and i don’t want to make a awkward situation by telling all this.
Welcome to our community.
This won’t happen magically.
What I’ve learnt is that basically in order to create attraction and seem interesting for someone you’d like to get to know, you’ll need self love to some extent. I’d go as far and even say that if you don’t truly work on the relationship you have with yourself and your inner voice, you won’t be able to have a steady long term relationship. The relationship with yourself will improve if you succeed at self improvement and NoFap, which is why (I think) most guys mention this “superpower”. There are other parts to it though (e.g. accepting your and others’ boundaries, empathy, using forgiveness etc.).
If I were able to give you one advice that sticks with you during your dating life, then it would be this one: Focus only on what you can actually control, as others don’t play by your rules. In detail this means, if you see other guys being chatty with some girl you like, then don’t even bother with that situation, because it’s beyond your control. Or let’s say you are starting to date one girl and she’s unsure and still talks to another guy too. In that scenario, her actions are also beyond your control, so don’t bother trying to shape her into things she is not or telling her “this or that” is forbidden. You can’t control that. If people want to move on to another person, they will.
What’s within your control though? That’s the important question. You can control what hobbies you go after. You can control who you speak to. You can control your reactions to rejection in dating life. You can also decide who is worthy of your time. You choose to commit to someone and give them your love, you don’t make that decision for anybody else.
So long story short, keep working on yourself and become that version of yourself you’d like to hang out with too. Then over time, you will see who is a potential love match for you and who isn’t.
… I wanted to write a long talk about self love. But after what Bashi wrote, I can’t add anything else. Exactly what I think.
Maybe one thing is, being handsome or not is very subjective. For a long time, I thought that I don’t look good. But after I learned to be in peace with myself, I started to find myself better looking (even though, obviously, I don’t look different than one year ago
Just the perception changed.
That your look doesn’t matter too much can also be seen in the everyday life. There are beautiful girls which we somehow just aren’t attracted to. On the other hand, there are girls which don’t look particularly good, but still there is a magical attraction.