Hi guys, my name is Albert I’m 21 years old, I started the no fap Challenge because I was getting confused about my sexuality, cause I used to watch shemale porn, but that’s another story, the thing is I wasn’t motivated, I was confused, felt anxious everyday, my psicology told me I was insecure and have HOCD and to overcome those issues I had to live with more courage.
It was a cycle, I watched shemale porn and fap after that, I felt anxious and that turned into insecurity and made me feel bad.
I wasn’t aroused by simple porn anymore, that made me question my sexuality.
I had this rituals, just to be sure of my sexuality, I watched gay porn but that never turned me on, for example if I got a boner and watched gay porn my boner disappears, I just don’t like the idea of me and a man.
Don’t misunderstand me I don’t have anything with gay or trans people.
My problem is in what I became, an addicted person I miss to get turn on by girls, now I just don’t have that feeling anymore and I want that part of me back.
I started the no fap Challenge a week ago and in the third day I got drunk and relapsed.
I felt guilty because I was progressing with this I felt anxious again with no motivation and started all over, today I woke up with the urge.
I tried everything, cold shower, push ups, relaxing music, but nothing worked.
I was about to fap but when I was about to do it something snap within me and I realized that … That wasn’t me, I left the page and I Felt fine I didn’t do it.
But that’s the thing does it count as relapsed even if I didn’t do it but I watched porn?
Unfortunately it is Point as a relapse. But do not worry You did it know that. Next Time when the urges will come try to think about something that worries You it makes You really sad or anything that will take Your mind away from sex etc. Happy Easter!
listen into yourself. does it feel like you did something wrong?
do you feel like you cheat yourself if you don’t count it as relapse?
typically your brain does know what it counts and what it doesn’t if yu learn to listen
You are looking for the comfort zone well let me tell you something embrace the unconfortable situation that you are in and rise from It. Its a relapse when you go to a specific website knowingly, i recommend not to.
I don’t know if this helps: but I have set up a spread sheet which allows me to record when I relapse in porn, or mastubation or both. It allows me to see my trend in relapsing, because I know there is sometimes that I watch a bit of porn and don’t mazz, I call that a victory. So it’s up to you whether it counts or not
Don’t take it to your heart. Let the phase pass. Remember one thing that if you open even 1 page it will definitely take you to 2nd then 3rd…and so on. The cycle will take its course until you relapsed. As far as the porn is concerned it doesn’t matter the only reason porn was invented was to induce sexual feelings in people,but as time progressed porn actually turned black. There are numerous categories which I don’t need to write here, everyone knows how women are objectified in porn. Let the past be in past. Make a new beginning today and tell yourself I will not fap today. Try to focus on what it took from you rather than what it gave you. Take this fighting 1 day at a time. 1 day at a time. I’m sure your counter will reach 5. 8. 10. 20. 40 before you even realize it. There will be good days there will be bad days. Keep fighting man.
Man, i have hocd too, i know What you are feeling. O have others pure o too. If you want to talk or some references. Im here