I had some weird urge to Masturbate in dream last night . I felt in dream the guilt of breaking the streak. Such dreams happen once in a while, earlier pornographic urges were involved now not, After waking up situation changes completely, I feel completely in control again.
I slept very late last night because of which I felt a little low on energy today, couldn’t take daytime nap because we got just 1 hour lunch break today instead of usual 2 hours.
Plus somehow I am having the reputation of going late to class when I always go on time. If they call 9:30 I reach 9:30, if they call us at 10 I reach at 10. Others go very early, probably half an hour before the given time, I guess I also gotta keep some float and reach atleast 10-15 minutes before the given time, else it won’t be good.
And yeah it’s been almost a week now since I went to gym , I shirk off on it because I don’t wanna sleep early and don’t wanna wake up early, plus my mind associates taking good sleep with positive habit, which it is, but missing the gym is not a positive habit, so I gotta sleep early, that’s the only way I can take sufficient sleep and still go to gym. My mind doesn’t understand the importance of gym now a days because I go to play anyway so fitness is being maintained already, but muscles and strength are important too .
I wanted to wake up till 12 because I have to wish one friend happy birthday but that would again mean missing the gym so I am gonna sleep . I’ll wish tomorrow morning.
Goodnight.
Aaaaahhhhhhh nooooooooo
I relapsed.
But it’s completely on me and I now realised I had not been taking anything seriously lately, especially for last one week or so.
I had not been following many habits except gym and playing, plus my room doesn’t feel clean.
My roommate wasn’t here and last night some other friends came here and we were playing cards till 2:30 am , after that tooo high urges arised, I had not been taking control on my thoughts recently and they overpowered.
Which led to a relapse at night, and in morning again similar thing happened.
But now I came to my senses.
Feeling a little scared.
We were asked to give names for a football tournament, I have given my name but I am scared that I won’t be equally energetic now.
My hairfall completely stopped, literally completely for past 1 month or so. I am scared about it too now.
BUT
If I take control right now I won’t cause any further damage and it won’t affect me that much.
So yeah I’ll focussssss now.
Today I am gonna clean the room properly, trim my beard, clean some pending clothes, arrange the room properly, take a nap and then go for football if we’re asked to play today otherwise I’ll revise training notes.
And man I gotta start following my hobbies. I felt like it would be a little weird if I followed those in front of my roommate who does nothing, but now I realized that I need to follow those in whatever situation I am.
And yeah my thinking and conceptualization regarding pornographic is still same it’s just a slip up to make me fall on track habit wise.
WTF
I am super shocked, but you crossed 70 days, Congratulations . Please don’t relapse again, if you do it once more then you are likely to get into chaser effect.
I would have gave you some bonk if I was on the tele group. Anyways take it here
Yeah thanks I won’t.
Raat se subah tak lg rha tha chaser effect but after seeing morning sun and taking a nap again ab nahi lg rha.
I should be avoiding sexual thoughts, sexual jokes or any kind of remotely sexual content for 1-2 days atleast.
It’s all in the head , you have relapsed once that doesn’t mean everything is gone. You still have that energy you have just slipped that’s it. Waise bhi jab hoga match tab tak fir achi streak ban jaayegi!
I slept a lot today whole day, on and off naps, I did the same last sunday .
I did wash some clothes and cleaned my room, decided to study but didn’t , went to play snooker with friends instead.
I felt that I had been ignoring some negatives in my current life from past few days, maybe because I was in a mental state of giving no fucks but I did notice some of them today, not that it matters, no point in focusing on negatives and they are negligible anyway. And I’d been worrying about someone’s (A senior in job) perception of me but it isn’t in my hand I can only do best from my side and if they still judge me wrongly, it’s their loss.
I had been feeling way too busy lately. Today did feel a little chill and laid back.
Tomorrow morning instead of going to gym I’ll do sudarshan kriya, prayers and meditation in my room itself.
I’m thinking of doing this routine with gym on alternate days but will see, this routine is not completely possible when my roommate is here, he isn’t here so I’ll be able to follow it tomorrow morning anyway.
I’ll have an online assessment (test) on Wednesday, I’ll have to study a little for it, I did listen attentively and made notes but I gotta revise a bit atleast. I can do this after dinner.
But I gotta make sure I don’t start using my mobile while I sit for studies.
For now I’ll watch young Sheldon which feels like it has been pending for years and then sleep.
And yeah I’ll keep my room door open all the time, koi risk nahi lene ka .
Goodnight.
Whole day went in classes today, 9:30-1 in morning then 3-6:45 in evening. Did nothing much in morning except listening to some bhajans, bathing and ironing clothes, went to play snooker in evening, was able to play well, not very confident about my shots yet tho.
Will study for test tomorrow, I won’t have to study much, I’ll just give one look on presentations and notes, test will be MCQ type and we all can answer by discussing among us . But still I’ll study atleast some things for backup.
No playing tomorrow evening. I’ll study instead.
For exercise purpose I’ll go to gym in morning.
And yeah I came to know that football tournament will start from 16th, feeling a little scared about playing a football tournament because I don’t play that well plus I don’t even have football shoes (studs).
But whatever I’ll play anyway.
And yeah for practice I’ll go running tomorrow morning, I’ll spend less or no time in gym and rather go running. Yeah good idea. So it’s final, will go running tomorrow morning .
Goodnight.
. I felt in dream the guilt of breaking the streak. Such dreams happen once in a while, earlier pornographic urges were involved now not, After waking up situation changes completely, I feel completely in control again.
, I shirk off on it because I don’t wanna sleep early and don’t wanna wake up early, plus my mind associates taking good sleep with positive habit, which it is, but missing the gym is not a positive habit, so I gotta sleep early, that’s the only way I can take sufficient sleep and still go to gym. My mind doesn’t understand the importance of gym now a days because I go to play anyway so fitness is being maintained already, but muscles and strength are important too 
, after that tooo high urges arised, I had not been taking control on my thoughts recently and they overpowered.
. Please don’t relapse again, if you do it once more then you are likely to get into chaser effect.
.
…
.