Day 5 of 
:
-Edged a little to some racy music videos, I’m going to try and find a way to block them without making my music app unuseable.
-Had a great and satisfying day, went on a run, lifted weights, did some jiu-jitsu, cooked a bunch and played “Risk.”
-FaceTimed my gf.
Day 0…
-The edging clearly led to my downfall. I started googling triggering terms and found a way to access some leak sites, I had a complete relapse.
-I need to find a better way to do this, I’ve been struggling for too long. I’m weak and addicted, but I refuse to continue being puppeted by PMO.
NEW GUIDELINES
Slip-up- Searching up terms with the intention to view p, watching triggering videos or looking at triggering pics. Attempting to bypass blockers.
Relapse- Watching a p video, intentionally releasing to digital content (excluding gf)
MY MOTIVATIONS
I want to better myself entirely, remove this addiction from my life and give more time to my spirituality, to my instrument, to my physical fitness. I want to excel in my martial arts and be fully prepared for basic training by the time I go back home. I also want to be loyal to my girlfriend in every way, and be honest and open towards her. I don’t want this addiction to ruin my goals or relationships. I want to END IT!
Be water, my friend.
Day 0 continued:
-Today was great! Went on a run and ate some breakfast, then went to the Buddhist temple again with some friends. It was very nice, I felt sleepy during meditation though.
-Got some Subway and came home, finally got to play my cornet at full volume since nobody was home, I loved it.
-Made some dinner and played “Risk”, my territories aren’t doing so well😅.
-Went to bed at 11:00.
Day 1:
-Woke up early feeling awful, my roommates are getting on my nerves lately. Work was boring, there wasn’t much for us to do despite the 1½-hour drive there. Drove back home and ate some food.
-Went to MMA class and did good with the general fitness and technique, but got crushed in sparring because I’ve been having stomach pains/diarrhea. Threw me off my game, got quite a few head punches.
-Came home and ate some more, showered and went to bed around 11:00 again.
-Only had a minor urge a few minutes ago, surfed it.
Day 0:
-Released to a very triggering music video. I tried to resist, but I couldn’t distract myself.
-Had a good work day but felt sad for a while, felt lonely.
-Went to BJJ practice and had a blast, drove back to the house and thought of home.
-My parents are visiting this weekend, I’m really excited. 
Happily watched the timer go to day 1. 
Day 1:
-Released in the morning to a fantasy, released at night to some sexting with gf. Both follow my guidelines.
-For work today we basically hiked 5 miles and cleared branches and logs, hurricane aftermath.
-We’re staying at a camp by the water, a very nice view.
-Played some soccer, ate some dinner, read for a bit.
what do you mean by that, friend? your roomates put you in temptation or something like that?
@MarcosRDC No, they make jokes but mean nothing really. They annoy me sometimes because of their uncleanliness, and their lack of house manners.
I get it, but I guess you usually get along with them.
The cycle stops!
I had a double relapse last night, and I feel awful. I’m addicted to PMO and it’s making me miserable. It’s as if I need PMO to maintain myself, to keep being the Derek everybody knows. I don’t know who I am without this porn addiction.
I’m going to focus on ONE clean day. That is my main goal. If I can get one, I can get two. I continue to fight. I will always continue fighting.
I peeked following my 24-hour mark. I disregard this nonsense.
I’ve fully comprehended that I need to persevere against this addiction, despite my brain believing it isn’t bad, despite all my doubts. I must fight even I don’t believe there is a fight to be had, I must rid myself of this.
Day 2.
Hello friend, I see that you have not had anything easy, how did you feel today? Do not forget that there are many of us with the same battle, don’t give up
(Matthew 6:34)
34 So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.
I felt good yesterday!
The last 2 days my parents have been visiting and it’s been a lot of fun! We’ve caught up about all the work I’ve been doing, how it is back home, etc. I’ve peeked twice, but I finally took the leap and blocked GOOGLE, the root of many relapses. Now my only form of internet is SPIN browser, which as many of you know is heavily filtered. I’m excited to see how well this new step works.
It’s good that your parents are with you.
Hey, what I’m going to say is crazy, and I know it might be pretty weird, but hey, here it goes:
Have you tried completely ditching the phone for a couple of days? It is true that you may not be able to answer some messages or post here and we would miss you but I don’t know… it may work.
It may! I believe that’s just what I need, the only issue is my girlfriend really misses me and wants to text me all the time. I’ll talk to her about it, since I’m going to be working all week and won’t have access to electricity.
I don’t deserve a little heart? LOL
We will certainly miss you very much, brother
Day 2:
-I’m back! Had a long week of working and hiking. Relapsed but I’m doing very well.
-I’m still trying to reduce my phone use heavily.
-Me and my gf are doing very well, I’ll be seeing her in about a month.
-The journey continues!