It has gone for weeks, especially for several past days. Ive been really depressed. Taking caffeine really uplifts the mood, which I did on my 6th week . Made me through the day a happy bloke.
But today, I didn’t take any cup of coffee. Just plain water. Ive been really depressed. Wasting my time on screen from afternoon up till this time. It’s night in my place now. I even had flashes of memories of several pmo materials in vivid images, enjoyed some partial nudity videos on YouTube. I mean it wasn’t intentional, the reason was pure, but none of the videos were really clean and being abstinent for 48 days would triggers you even from a harmless cue. Like female news anchor for example. however, then I stared at the enticing part, that’s when flashes of pmo memories surfaced. Later I even started to think about going to the websites… now I feel harmless cues are not so harmless, I don’t get easily triggered. But I’m worried if the stare really fed the dopamine shortage… Im afraid the stare would really fail my clean streak. I mean I never had thought of going back from Day 1nor entertained any cues or urges. The slip was really a contamination of my experiment and my streak. That’s the story.
Now, the question, I wonder does anybody has this phase? Depression, bad mood, everything just not right, unmotivated, etc. Coffee would give a good kick. I managed all days before with coffee (started from week 6, when I noticed I was quite down than normal guy). Today l missed the cup of coffee semi-intentionally. I realized I’m down, but didn’t take the fix. What I’ve tried are exercise, cold shower, meditation. It all worked out, just like the coffee. But I need to get the FIX, everyday??
Is this normal depression? Or The withdrawal effects? Any comments, guys?