Day 18 of 90 (I'm not counting the days anymore)

#1

It’s Day 18 of being PMO free and I’m currently talking another walk outside, this day is important because my last Day 18 in February I edged to soft core porn and I kind broke my promise of not counting the days the next time I do a clean streak which is now and I’m gonna blog every 10 or 12 days within my streak (I bet the admin is really happy now lol) couldn’t car less if you do move this post lol.

My daily routine today:
Got up 7:30am in the morning I felt huge urges so I did 15 press ups 7 times and 7 sit ups.

Took an extreme cold shower, watched tv took a morning walk for an hour went out to buy breakfast got back in the house and ate and watched more tv (Something I rarely even do)

  • Practised my piano and then studied for my drivers theory test.

Started recording a song then after that I had a conversation with my mum for about an hour and went out back for a walk which leads me here talking to you guys, sitting down in a public mall.

Yesterday I felt very strong urges but I never gave in and continued exercising, I was on Instagram for a period of time because I use social media which is a vulnerability to my streak but I promote content on my page so balancing it out is quite difficult, while scrolling I accidently bumped in to two girls profiles in hot pants the urge was high but within 3 seconds I cancelled out of instagram it’s like the the lust demons was after me trying to destroy my benefited energy I have gained these past 18 days.

It was like I was in a battle with my gut and my mind telling me “Go on and do it just a little bit it will be fine” trying to tempt me but I realise that “voice” isn’t “me” it’s the same voice that tried to destroy me two years ago, (Which lead me to this point) I went to bed with a solid urge again just before that I prayed to God and Jesus Christ that I don’t want to loose who I am again and I prayed even more to him that help me beat those urge demons and be the best version of myself that I can finally be.

That night leading to morning I had a very weird wet dream it was quite graphic I actually remembered I was standing in a room it was a room of naked plus sized women covered in oil having some kind of yoga orgy and they squirted milk out their tits without touching them.

I woke up with as you know a wet patch on my trousers, it was urge demons that tried to destroy me but I won’t allow it this time no matter how many messages I get in my head and my dreams, I realised that because I’m on my very own step so many times to be the Alpha Male I need to be it will try to destroy me no matter how many signals it tried to throw at me.

Last night but no matter what it didn’t work and I promised myself and even the urge demons that it will NEVER happen! not even if it moans for that dopamine rush NEVER! why?! because I looked in the mirror looked in to my eyes and told myself you are God’s child you are Emmanuel, you are Manny fucking G and you control yourself! only you and but YOU!

So yeah Day 18 out of 90 I’m done with this blogging shit cause I’m obviously not a welcome party to the admin :joy::joy::joy:

I will still post my progress on the main home page but as for diary’s not really that often but When I reach my goal I will post more! God bless people.